Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

This is embarrassing to admit, but I haven't even thought about gels.

Homer

I don't have what it takes to play the guitar.

Homer

Thank you, magical creatures of the mall! You have all taught me a Christmas message I'll never forget. The place to get drunk is at home.

Homer

You're all right stupid Flanders, you're all right.

Homer

[angrily shouting at Bart] Stupid kid, you ruin every trip!

Homer

Wow, this place is completely alien, but everything's in English, just like Canada!

Homer

Okay, Marge, we can go to the circus, maybe I can finally find out why a man would think a stool is a proper defense against a lion.

Homer

I don't have time for childish games. If I don't do my job, atoms go boom!

Homer

Between your genius and my nothing, we make a great team. Come on, give me a hug!

Homer

Fine, we'll both go, and if anyone asks you something you don't understand, just say protons.

Homer

So from now on you can never call me by these names: chubby, chunky, blobbo, slobbo, fat guy, Michelin Man, Stay Puft, Chumbawumba, It is Balloon!, Papa Grande, Augustus Gloop, beached whale, big boned, Wisconsin Skinny, butterball, dump truck, jelly belly, pudgy wudgy, lard butt, blubberino, Buddah belly, Hurry Eat Tubman, one ton soup, blob saget, Chub hub, Calvin Cool whip, Manfred Mannboobs, 21 Lump Street, Walking 'Before' Picture, fatso, Harvey Milk Chocolate, Obese want Cannoli, Mahatma Gumbo, Salvador Deli, Elmer Pantry, KFC and the Sponge Cake Band, Snackie Oneassis, The Foody Blues, Hoagie Carmichael, and wide load.

Homer

Marge, you're my wife of ten years and I love you, but I must observe the teachings of this man I just met tonight. Now the first thing I have to do is make amends with the bathroom scale.

Homer

I have so many questions for you. First or all, is this floor reinforced?

Homer

Look, Moe. The least you can let me do is anything I want.

Homer

Sorry, Marge, but I am the royal babysitter. If I start watching commoners, the tongues of the court will be a wag.