Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

But it's not on the calendar? Okay, but if I'm sleepy at work tomorrow, I get to tell everyone why.

Homer

Oh, God gets your papers, but he just clicks delete without reading them, like email updates from Linkedln.

Homer

Oh, you must be Flanders' new dog. I just want to apologize in advance for the things I'm gonna blame on you.

Homer

But we have learned our lesson, so I hereby promise.

Homer

I don't want to be rude, but you losers should go suck somewhere else.

Homer

Computers? Pasty weirdos? Backslashes?? Goth Lisa?! What's going on here?

Homer Simpson

[texts on this phone during a couch gag when "Meh" shows up] Up your… [other text shows the creator's name] Oh, sorry. Yes, sir. [other text shows the developers' names] Who are these guys? [other "Meh" text shows up] "Meh?"

Homer

Oh... I can't read that again. I hate to see a wolf get punished for having normal appetites.

Homer

Okay, sweetie, I got a story about another little girl who got lost in the woods, but it wasn't a girl, and it wasn't the woods. [Maggie sucks her pacifier] Suck, suck indeed! And it all happened once upon a time, before you were born, and my chances for a man cave went out the window.

Homer

[during Gracie Films/20th Century Fox logos] Waiting on the pants. Oh Bart, not culottes! No!

Homer

[reading The Wizard of Oz] Everything after the tornado was a dream. The end!

Homer

No parking spots? Lousy butt-kissers coming in before noon, eating donuts are rightfully mine. [stops at a smart car] D'oh! Stupid smart car. [spots at an SUV] D'oh! Spot hogging SUV. [spots a sinkhole with two vehicles inside it] D'oh! Inconvenient sinkhole! [spots at a parking sign: "Created by Matt Groening"] D'oh! Mandatory credit! [spots at another parking sign: "Developed by James L. Brooks, Matt Groening & Sam Simon"] D'oh! "Developed By"? What does that even mean? [spots at an empty parking space] It's empty!

Homer

[narrating] In my younger and more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice. He said, "The laziest way to tell a story is through voice-over narration."

Homer

[A mistake is made when he is on about the eating habits of the golden goose] "He eats just like I do, without swallowing." [This should have said chewing instead of swallowing]

Homer

Oh, Bart, look what brought you got now for later.

Homer

Okay, kids. Give me your best worried looks. Ooh, that's good worried. Maggie, when we visit Gil, you should think about your mom and me disappearing forever, every time we step behind a wall.