Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

Attention, lovers of free office supplies - come and steal things you can easily afford!

Homer

[on the uralarm] Now that's what I call looking out for a number one.

Homer

Lighten up, Marge. I take you to the Disneyland of me and you just want to go to the lost and found.

Homer

I'm all alone, and when there's some problem due to a human error, guess who's to blame?

Homer

Oh, that's such a first-take answer!

Homer

[angrily turns red] Choke on my numb blue hands.

Homer

[after finding Bart's room empty] Bart's been Raptured and his crap's been craptured.

Homer

Thanks to you, we're having fun. Before we-had-kids fun!

Homer

Cleatus the football game robot, you're my only hope.

Homer

Mmmm...historically inaccurate.

Homer

I cheat on my diet, but nobody knows cause the damage is on the inside and the first warning sign is sudden death.

Homer

[accidentally climbing the real tree] Oh, I'm on the wrong tree!

Homer

You've learned a very valuable life lesson, boy. Which is that love doesn't exist except briefly between a man and a woman before marriage. After that, it's just hanging out with someone who kinda hates you, but you can't get it together to leave.

Homer

Awww, sweetie, sometimes a mysterious invisible being from hell waits for a family to go to sleep then kills them. Now, go to bed.

Homer

A black hole...[whispering] I'm sorry, can we call it that?