[weighs himself] 239 lbs? Oh, I'm a blimp. Why are good things so tasty?
“Homer's Night Out” · Season 1
In this episode: Homer Simpson (6), Marge Simpson (3), Bart Simpson (2), Apu Nahasapeemapetilon (1)
[weighs himself again after six months] OH, NO! 239 lbs?!? I'm a whale! Why was I cursed with this weakness for snack treats? [more serious] Well from now on, exercise every morning, Homer! [stretches in front of the bathroom mirror]
[enters] Ohhh...Don't strain yourself, dear.
Good idea, Marge.
[as Bart takes a picture of him in the bathroom] Bart! What are you doing?
Sorry, Dad. The answer to that is a top secret.
[Bart takes a picture of Marge shaving her armpits next]
Oh, Bart.
What?
Go take some wildlife pictures.
[he does, and takes a picture of a roadkill squirrel]
[Homer pays a visit to the Kwik-E-Mart, after he has unknowingly become famous from his photo with Princess Kashmir being posted all over town]
One glazed, and one Scratch-'N-Win, please.
AApu
You look familiar, sir. Are you on the television or something?
Sorry, buddy. You got me confused with Fred Flintstone. [chuckles; Apu hands him his lottery ticket and he starts to scratch it off] Oh. Liberty Bell. [scratches some more and gasps] Another Liberty Bell! One more and I'm a millionaire. Come on, Liberty Bell, please, please, please, please, please, please! [scratches to reveal a plum] D'oh! That purple fruit thing. Where were you yesterday?
[Homer gets out of his car, whistling, arrives home, Marge furiously opens a door, Homer gasps]
[holding up a picture of Homer and Princess Kashmir] What is the meaning of this?!
Meaningless, Marge. Don't even attempt to find meaning in it. There's nothing between me and Princess Kashmir.
Princess who?!
[walks by] Hey, my photo!
HMHomer and Marge
Your photo?!
Uh-oh.
Why you little- [about to choke Bart]
Why you big- [chokes Homer] Bart, go to your room!
I'm outta here. [leaves]
Look, Marge, honey, baby, doll, I-
Homer, I don't even want to look at you right now.
What are you saying, honey? But where will I sleep?
My suggestion...is for you to sleep in the filth you created!
Would a motel be okay? [Marge slams the door in Homer's face. Sadly, he walks away from his house and heads for his car. Marge opens the house door] Oh, I knew you'd come to your-
[throws a suitcase at Homer] Here. If you have any soul left, you'll need these. I know I will. [closes the door as she goes back inside]
[Homer sitting in tears in the front of his house]
[speaks on a phone] Marge! Marge! We're gonna try one more place, the Sapphire Lounge. [angrily turns to Bart] Bart! I said look at the floor!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.