There is a spare key, and a master key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked "What if you die, Dwight, how will we get into the office?", he said "If I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks."
S4 E15Night Out
S4 E16Did I Stutter?
A lot of jazz cats are blind. But they can play the piano like nobody's business. I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam, without her glasses, and see what happens. I'd also like to see her topless.
It's like I used to tell my wife: I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong. And if you don't like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife and I'll say it to my next one, too.
Friends joke with one another. Hey you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends do.
S4 E17Job Fair
Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course because Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan: he was the temp here. Yeah and, uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job since I have some pretty big long-term plans in my personal life with Pam that I'd like her parents to be psyched about. So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I've never done before: Try.
Do you remember you specifically told me to bring one sheet of paper? You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference. I said, "Are you sure, Michael?" And you said, "Pam! Pam! Pam!" And then you sneezed in my tea and then you said, "Don't worry, it's just allergies." Do you remember that?
S4 E18Goodbye, Toby
[Michael and Dwight discuss Holly, Toby's replacement]
So what do we know about her?
Well, we know that Toby thinks she'll be great. So strike one, I hate her already.
I hate her, too.
Why do you hate her?
Because she... stinks. With her... ways. And her... head.
You know Dwight, sometimes... I dunno, I think you say things just to agree with me.
Would that be such a bad thing?
Yeah, it would! Just have a thought! Have an original thought! Although I will agree that her head is weird.
Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome or liked.
[thinks Kevin is slow] Hi!
Hi.
What do you do?
I do the numbers.
Oh, good for you!
You want an M&M?
Oh, no, that is so sweet. Thank you, though.
I keep them here at my desk so that everybody doesn't take them.
Well, that is a very safe place for them.
[smiling] Yeah.
[calling Ryan's voicemail] Hey Ryan, it's Jim. Look man, I don't know what's gotten into you, lately. But you know what? I really don't care. Because you're trying to get rid of me, and I bet you think I don't care enough about this job to actually fight back. But you're wrong, because I do, and I will. So you can keep trying to push me out of this place. But guess what? I'm not going anywhere. [Hangs up]
Well, this is what happened. Uh, Ryan's big project was the website. Which wasn't doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as offices and once in the website sales, which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.
Angela, will you do me the honor of giving me your tiny hand in marriage?
...Okay.
Into the mic, sweetie.
I said, okay.
She said yes! [light applause from some people] And the crowd goes wild! Woo!
[learning he is not father of Jan's baby] You cheated on me...when I specifically asked you not to?
[after pairing his headset with Dwight's cell phone] Hello this is Dwight.
[on phone] Is this Dwight?
Yes, it is.
Oh my goodness, you sound sexy.
Oh, thank you. I've been working out.
Woah! Woah! Woah! Pam! Pam! You are not talking to Dwight right now. You are talking to Jim!
Dwight?
No! [waving] I'm over here!
I'm confused.
S5 E1Weight Loss
What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Office (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.