What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.
“Weight Loss” · Season 5, Episode 1
In this episode: Michael Scott (3), Kelly (2), Jim Halpert (1), Angela Martin (1), Creed Bratton (1), Ryan Howard (1), Meredith Palmer (1)
I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
[cuts to Creed in an interview]
That wasn't a tapeworm.
Kelly.
Oh, hello Ryan. You look well.
I wanted to say I'm sorry... for treating you bad the past couple years. I was in my mid twenties and I was going through a lot of stuff. I think I never fully processed 9/11.
Thank you. Holly is right. People, this is not just about winning some extra vacation days. This is about a very cool HR initiative that if we don't follow, we are all going to die of obesity. So how much are we gonna lose?
I would like to lose 65 pounds.
Yes, all right. Who else? [to Angela] Can I put you down for 10 pounds?
No. My doctor wants me to gain weight.
If you gain weight, you will die. I want you to live forever. I want us all to live forever. How? How are we going to do this?
Cryogenics. Beer me five.
This is how we're gonna do it. Five pounds. I'm asking each of you to lose five pounds. That plus Jim's 65 will give us a very good chance at winning this thing.
[About Kelly] I like her nails.
Okay, be more specific.
I like her finger nails.
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