Lincoln, why did you lie to everyone? I have hives for you.
LLincoln
What? It wasn't completely lying. I did the bounce house stunt.
You almost fell off the roof. Lynn jumped from a plane onto another plane. It's not the same!
LLincoln
[sighs] I know and I'm sorry. I just got caught up in the moment. No one has ever looked at me like that before. And look at all these pizza sticks. [munches on one] You remember when I was voted "most likely to trip over nothing?" Being cool like this is new for me. Maybe we could just go with it for a while?
Okay, everyone, pop quiz time! [Lincoln and all the other students groan] Everyone except Loud. You already got an A for this semester! That was some movie. Let's go hang in the teacher's lounge and swap broken bone stories, huh?
[Chandler angrily breaks his pencil; later in gym class…]
Today, we're running sprints, a lot of 'em. [The students all groan] The puke cans in this corner, except Loud. He's practically a pro athlete. You can chill in my coach cave and enjoy the talents of my masseuse, Hans.
LLincoln
Thanks, but I'll just read comics.
[reading] "Lincoln LAMEsauce is a LIAR. Hosted by Chandler. Come see the PROOF! Screening in the lunchroom!" Oh, no!
LLincoln
We have to make sure no one sees that clip! [gets on the computer, opens up Chandler's files, and trashes the two documents of his and Clyde's movie and the clip of Lynn as his stunt double; relieved] Okay, I deleted everything. [then finds something else on the computer] Whoa, Clyde, look what else I found. [he and Clyde look at each other and snicker deviously, planning to get Chandler back]
[Lincoln and his father show up at the dock]
[inhales deeply and sighs] Smell that beautiful lake air, son?
LLincoln
[inhales deeply, then gags] Ugh. It smells really… [gets hit by a swinging fish and lands on the dock with his back before Lynn Sr. helps him get back up] Fishy.
LSLance & Shiloh
[also showing up] Louds!
LLLincoln & Lynn Sr.
Louds!
[Shiloh happily tackles his cousin and the two adult brothers fist bump]
Louds! I'm so excited to catch some fish and family bonding on this trip! [hugs his adult sons and grandsons tightly]
Us too! [kneels down to Lincoln and Shiloh along with his brother] You know, boys, when Lance and I were kiddos, Gramps was always out at sea, earning a living. We never went on fishing trips.
But now I get to make up for lost time. I'm just so… [starts to sob] Ding-dang, happy to have you all back in my life.
[As Lincoln and Clyde enter the store, a gust of wind blows in and Nacho takes a whiff, chittering in surprise when he senses something coming up]
LLincoln
Hey, Flip. What's up?
The price of Flippee's in my cholesterol. See ya, chiefs. [Nacho immediately stops him and begs him to take an umbrella, sensing that it's going to rain; speechless] Take an umbrella? What, you got brain freeze? [walks outside] There's not going to be anywhere up above a white and normal future and eternity cloud in the future and eternity sky. And Patchy Drizzle said it'll be nothing but sunshine today. [only to be proven wrong when the rain clouds come in and pour rain, then gets struck by lightning; weary] See? Nothing but sunshine. [falls flat on the ground]
[Nacho is taking a bath in the Flippee machine and splashes some blue Flippee on a customer]
LLincoln
Hey, Nacho. We're going on a field trip to the Royal Woods Tar Pits today. We wanted to know how to dress.
Patchy Drizzle says sunshine again, but after yesterday, we want a second opinion.
[The customer opens the store door as he leaves and a gust of wind blows in towards Nacho as he takes a whiff of it and visualizes several weather types circling above his head, then opens his eyes and chitters, raising and waving his arms in the air]
Hey, Nacho says, "Hold onto your keisters, it's gonna be windy."
We must bring a light jacket.
[Lincoln and Clyde walk by the store and are taken by surprise when they hear Flip wailing and bawling over sending Nacho away forever and hurry inside]
[grabs Clyde by the shirt collar] I SENT MY BEST FRIEND AWAY FOR MONEY, AND NOW I MISS HIM! [shakes him roughly and lets him go as he continues sobbing]
LLincoln
[catching his dizzy friend] Why don't you call Nacho and tell him that? I bet he misses you, too.
[shakes out his dizziness] Yeah, Dr. Lopez always says that expressing your feelings is the expressway to healing.
[The Loud family is in London, England, and Rita is seemingly driving their rental double-decker bus on wrong side of the road]
Honey, you're on the wrong side of the road! [Steers the bus on the left side. The Loud siblings scream from the back]
I always forget they drive on the left side in England. Everyone okay back there?
[The Loud siblings are pressed against the window]
[Rita presses her foot on the breaks as the traffic light turns red and the bus screeches to a stop]
[to a British man who's preparing to board their bus] Sorry. This is our rental bus. We have a wheely big family. [laughs]
LLincoln
[pops up in front of the viewers] Welcome to London! So what are the Louds doing across the pond? Good question. Luna got an invite to attend Mick Swagger's knighting ceremony at the Royal Castle. And because she's such a huge fan, Mick flew out our whole family! That's right, we traveled all the way from Royal Woods, Michigan, to London, England.
[A map shows the Louds' plane flying from Royal Woods, Michigan, USA, over the Atlantic Ocean, and lands in the England state of the European country]
[reading Mick Swagger's autobiography when Lynn kicks her soccer ball, knocking it out of her hands] Chill out, Lynn! I'm trying to reread Mick's autobiography, even after the 10th time, I'm learning new dets about his life.
LLynn
And I'm trying to get into the English spirit. Brits love soccer.
They call it "football" here, Lynn. And the King's favorite team is the Chuffbottom Chips.
LLincoln
[to the viewers] Lori spent the whole flight binging a reality series on British royals called Drama Kings, so she thinks she's an expert now.
[in British accent] Oh, oh, there's the local chippy where me and me mates used to nosh on sonnies. [laughs]
LLincoln
[chuckles] Dad is trying to relieve the college semester he spent in England. And me? I'm just excited to be in the city where they shot my favorite David Steele movie; To London with Love. Whoa! I think David jumped from that rooftop!
[Their bus comes to a stop in front of the Royal Castle and the siblings are slammed against the window]
[gasps] Look! We made it to the Royal Castle!
[gasps when he hears Luna scream off-screen] I know that ding-dang scream anywhere! That's my Luna! [he, the family, and X head down to the Royal hall] Luna!
[frantically] It's Mick! He's…he's…he's been taken!
[Pan over to a table with the tea spilled and Mick's guitar and everyone gasps in horror]
But what does Mick Swagger have to do with the King's shredder and jams?
XX
[gasps in realization] He is the King's shredder, he is the King's jams! The code words for a musician. The target all along was Mick!
[The Louds gasp in shock and look at Lincoln]
LLincoln
[shocked with horror, realizing he screwed up] Oh, my gosh! I totally beefed it!
[End of Act 1; Beginning Act 2… The Louds are walking out of the Royal Castle to their bus in utter disappointment while Luna tries to console her brother]
LLincoln
[disappointed with himself] Awww, it's all my fault Mick's gone.
No, it's not, bro. You meant well.
LLincoln
If I hadn't given X the wrong targets, she would've moved her agents so Mick would still be here.
Yeah, you're totally right. I was just trying to make you feel better.
[As X's agents put the Earl of Nuttingham into a police car after being defeated by the Louds and Mick as he's arrested for his crimes…]
XX
[impressed by the Loud family's work] I'm sorry. I underestimated you, Agent Loud.
LLincoln
Yes! Back to Agent Loud!
XX
You saved Mick and your family, all because you followed your instincts. That's exactly what we look for in our agents. If you're interested, we've got a spot for you at the Inter-Spy Training Academy.
LLincoln
Really?! Thank you! Mom, Dad, can you ship my stuff?
LLincoln
Oh, right. That makes sense. Huh? [X and her agents mysteriously disappear once more, leaving a gust of wind] Can't wait to learn how to do that!
[The Louds arrive in Naples, Italy while Lynn is carrying the whole family and sets them down]
LLincoln
[to the viewers] Buongiorno from Naples, Italy. [the map of Europe shows their rental bus leaving England, driving through France, and arrive in Italy] We drove our double-decker bus all the way through England, and then through France to get here. And now, would you believe if I said we've been backpacking for miles to get pizza? Oh. You would. Well anyway, Gus from the Games and Grub, tipped us off to the secret location of the world's best pizza, but his directions, are just a little hard to follow. And not just because they're written in marinara sauce. [reads the postcard] "Once atop the tomato shaped hill, follow the smell of oregano for 700 pizza paddles?" Confusing, right?
[sniffing] Oh, I smell the oregano. It's coming from that way.
[walking while counting as the family follows him] One pizza paddle, two pizza paddles, three pizza paddles, four pizza paddles, five pizza paddles, six…
[sniffing] It's coming from here. This must be it.
This is where the world's best pizza is made? Maybe we misread the marinara.
[in Italian accent; off-screen] The sauce never lies. [the Louds gasp and turn to her, whose standing behind them; kindly] Benvenuti. I am Nonna Viola, and you must be the Louds.
What? How did you know (who we are)? Are you some kind of mind reader?
[The map of Europe shows the Louds' rental bus leaving Naples, Italy and arrives in a small snowy village in the Swiss Alps of Switzerland; The family ends up getting motion sickness and throw up from driving in the twisty mountain roads]
LLincoln
[dizzy] Who knew those Swiss Alps roads could be so twisty? [almost pukes]
I told you guys before, if you want an iron belly, you need to up that annual meatball sub at take. [the other siblings groan in disgust] Wow, I can't believe I'm actually here and gonna compete in the Snow Fury! I'm gonna kick butt in every one of those events.
[The Louds' rental bus enters the spooky shadows of the woods in Transylvania, Romania and everyone looks out the window in fear, except for Lucy, whose enjoying it]
Can we please pull over? Look at all this great stuff we're missing.
Sweetie, we agreed to pass through Transylvania so you can see all your horrible, ghoulish sights, but there is no way we're getting off this bus. We don't want to traumatize Lily. [holds up Lily, wearing sunglasses and headphones, listening to some music, keeping her from being frightened of the spooky sights]
Plus, we can't risk being on the road after dark. Everyone knows there are vampires in this neck of the woods. [laughs; playfully elbows Lucy] Get it? Neck? [terrified] But seriously though, I'm scared.
LLincoln
[shudders; to the viewers] That makes twelve of us. The Louds are still double-decking across Europe, and it was Lucy's turn to choose our next destination: Transylvania. [the map of Europe shows their bus leaving the Swiss Alps, then crosses through Austria, Hungary and Serbia, until reaching Romania]
Everybody, relax. Sadly, there's nothing to fear. There haven't been any real vampires in Transylvania for centuries.
The Loud House · 632 quotes
