[about Dorothy's joke] Just because you have a chin doesn't mean you're Jay Leno.
“Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself” · Season 3, Episode 5
In this episode: Dorothy Zbornak (6), Blanche Devereaux (5), Rose Nylund (2), Sophia Petrillo (2)
The way to relax when you have to speak in front of a group of people is to imagine what they all look like naked.
Really?
Yep. And if you do it right, you'll probably even start to laugh.
[stares at Rose for a few seconds, shrugs, and then begins staring at Dorothy, then bursts out laughing hysterically. After a few seconds Rose starts to laugh too. Dorothy, exasperated, exits the room.]
What if you were giving a eulogy for me, Dorothy? What would you say?
Well... I think I'd say that you were a kind, generous and loving person, and one of the best friends I've ever had.
Nothing about my looks?
Okay, I'd say you were one of the prettiest friends I've ever had.
Only "one of"?
The, Blanche! The prettiest. ... What would you say about me?
Dorothy...
I told you, you can tell me.
Well, I think I'd say that... I always felt safe having you in the house. And I'd say that I always enjoyed talking to you when I came home from one of my numerous dates. And I'd say that I always looked up to you, like an older sister.
Thank you, Blanche. Oh, and I forgot one thing: I would also say you're fat.
Night after night I had this awful dream that I was trapped in an enclosed space full of men!
Now what could that mean? [short pause] Let's give this a second...
Damn! I don't have one thing in black that isn't see-through.
Girls, I have some bad news. I am not going to be able to go with you [to the funeral].
Why not?
It's Ma. She's sick. I'm going to have to take her to the hospital.
Oh, Doro-... wait a minute! She - she left for that cooking contest about ten minutes ago!
She called. She had a bad cannoli when she got there. Right now she is doubled over with cramps, crying out with pain and... [Sophia enters the house, looking perfectly healthy]... making the most spectacular comeback since Dennis Hopper!
Are you all right, Sophia?
Of course I'm all right. It's just that halfway to the contest, I realized I forgot the wine.
For your mussels marinara?
No, for me. I always drink wine during cooking contests and My Sister Sam.
Dorothy, Sophia's not sick! She didn't eat a bad cannoli! So whoever called and said that was just making the whole thing up.
Rose, do me a favor and fasten your seatbelt... over your mouth!
Rose, I take it that no member of your family was ever a returning champion on Jeopardy!.
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