Rose Nylund quotes from The Golden Girls

Dorothy

Ma, it's 8 o'clock in the morning, what are you doing with the sherry?

Rose

Don't worry! I'm not gonna drink it. I was just gonna hide it from the dog.

Rose

I haven't been this depressed since I was rejected by Uncle Sam.

Blanche

Well honey, if he was your uncle, it wasn't meant to be. It wasn't like if he was your cousin, where the relationship might have had a future.

Dorothy

Tell me Blanche, have any of your relatives appeared in Deliverance?

Dorothy

Uhh Rose, Are you going to be very much longer?

Rose

Not now, Dorothy. This man is still very down about his financial situation. He was one of the principal backers of Howard the Duck.

Dorothy

Merry Christmas, Rose. Merry Christmas, Blanche.

Rose

Merry Christmas Dorothy, Merry Christmas Blanche.

Blanche

Merry Christmas Rose--

Sophia

What the hell is this, The Waltons?

Rose

Did I ever tell you about the time....one Christmas, we launched the production of A Christmas Carol with an all-chicken cast.

Dorothy

God, look at the time!

Blanche

Is it that late? I'm so tired.

Rose

We could do what we did on Christmas back in St. Olaf.

Dorothy

I will not drink egg-nog while wearing a cast-iron brassiere.

Rose

We don't do that on Christmas... we do that on Easter!

Rose

... "The Men of Blanche's Boudoir".

Blanche

It's a calendar! Each month has a picture of a man who has brought special joy into my life.

Dorothy

Aww Blanche, oh honey, this is so thoughtful. *turns page* ... WHOA!

Blanche

...September?

Dorothy

Yup.

Sophia

I'm surprised you were able to walk in October!

Blanche

Sophia! Now you stop trying to trick Rose just because she's weak, and vulnerable and dimwitted.

Rose

YEAH!

Rose

Sophia, is that a Captain Jack's Seafood Shanty uniform you're wearing?

Sophia

No, Rose, I'm off to discover the Straits of Magellan. Yo ho!

Now Rose, there's been something I've wanted to ask you all day...

Rose

[referring to her breasts] Mine are real!

...That's not what I wanted to ask you, but that is good to know.

Dorothy

I feel like such a fool.

Oh, me too.

Rose

Oh, don't worry, girls. The audience had a real good time and they got their money back on top of it.

Dorothy

That's not what were talking about, you titmouse! We were talking about how humiliated we all were by Patrick.

Rose

Oh, you're right. I feel so common, so cheap, so used. How do you usually deal with that, Blanche?

Blanche

Rose, just for that, I'm going to flush the toilet tonight while you're taking a shower.

Rose

[continuing the description of her vision] There were people everywhere, rushing off to catch trains, sitting on benches, browsing in the souvenir shop.

Blanche

The souvenir shop??

Dorothy

Of course, Blanche. They were all buying T-shirts, you know, the ones that say, "Today is the first day of the end of your life."

Rose

[about why the baby, Emily, is crying] She probably misses her mother, needs to hear a feminine voice.

Dorothy

[holding Emily] And what have I been doing, my Ben Gazzara impression?

Sophia

You're absolutely right Dorothy. And I'll tell you something else. A mother sometimes needs her children even more.

Dorothy

Thank you, Ma. That's very sweet.

Sophia

Give me twenty dollars.

Dorothy

No.

Sophia

Rose, did I say a mother needs her child? I meant roommate. Give me twenty dollars.

Rose

What for?

Sophia

Seoul, Korea, 1988, the Olympics. I'd like to be there competing for the USA. Contribute now and I'll make sure you get a Sophia lapel pin.

Rose

[goes into her purse and gets Sophia the money] Okay. Good luck, we'll be watching.

Sophia

Thanks. And Dorothy, if Gladys calls, tell her I'll be able to make Bingo tonight.

Rose

Oh darn, I forgot something.

Blanche

Go in your pajamas!

Rose

No, it's not that, I forgot to say my prayers.

Dorothy

Oh Rose, God wouldn't mind if you skipped a night! He's very busy these days, most of his spare time is spent talking to Pat Robertson.