I wish I hired a decorator...Nancy Reagan's decorator. That'd kill my sister!
“Transplant” · Season 1, Episode 4
In this episode: Blanche Devereaux (8), Rose Nylund (6), Dorothy Zbornak (4), Sophia Petrillo (2), Virginia (2)
[Dorothy walks in holding a baby]
Dorothy, what in the world is that?
It's a flounder, Blanche.
We cannot have a baby in the house! My sister's coming.
Does she eat them?
[about her and Blanche's other sister Charmaine] She never could help Mama because she had heart flutters and she never could take gym class, no, because she had a tipped uterus and she never did any housework because she had a spastic colon. Now, she has attached kidneys.
Blanche That girl is some kind of mutant.
[about Virginia] It was the day before Christmas and we were playing and she jiggled the tree and the star fell off and broke. So she told me to pick it up and put it on my finger. And I did. Then she plugged it in. And WHAM! My eyes bugged out, my hair shot straight up, I did a crazy rollover dance all over the room, I'm sure my heart even stopped beating for a minute. Then she ran to Daddy and told her that I had broken the star and almost electrocuted her, and he sent me to my room for all of Christmas Eve and told me that Baby Jesus was mad at me for ruinin' his birthday.
Blanche, that's horrible.
And that's not the worst part. That darn electricity straightened my hair! I used to have curly hair!
[wondering why someone could hate their own sister]
Maybe it's Southern.
Sleeping with your brothers is Southern!
I need both of my kidneys. You know what'll happen if I give her one? My ankles'll swell, my eyes'll puff up. I'll look just like the Pillsbury Doughboy!
Why would [Virginia] need a kidney?
TO FEED THE CAT, ROSE!
The doctor says it's the first time he's ever been called because a baby was sleeping in the day. And then I think he called me an idiot.
[about Blanche] Wherever she goes, she finds a man!
So do hookers.
Let's talk about you, it looks like you've lost a little weight, sugar.
I have.
You know, at your age when you lose weight your skin just...hangs there, like...like leaves on a willow.
I haven't lost that much, I don't think that's happened yet.
Well I don't know. If I were you I sure wouldn't wave goodbye.
And if I were you, I sure wouldn't jog without a muumuu.
Is that so, well just let me tell you somethin' missy.....
Oh Blanche, please, let's not do this. Let's grow up, for God's sake. We have done this our whole lives long, let's call an end to it, okay?
Sure, whatever. So, you thinkin' about gettin' a face lift? For your, how do I put this delicately.....turkey waddle or what?
She's dying.
What?
My sister's dying.
[entering] What?
Dying, she's dying.
[assuming Blanche is dying] Oh my God, Blanche! I didn't even know you were sick.
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