The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air quotes

Trevor

I've never been so humiliated in all my life. Blind people recognize me.

Will

How are we supposed to build a fire, Uncle Phil? It's snowing outside, all the wood's soaking wet.

Carlton

Then we'll freeze to death! I don't wanna die! I wanna go to college and poke fun at all the kids on financial aid! I wanna see Karate Kid 17!

Philip

This is a good time for us to band together to show what we're made of.

Will

Does Bigfoot have to come down here with a chainsaw before you admit we're in trouble!?

Philip

Hi. I'm Philip Banks, and I'm running for superior court ju-ju-judge. Ju-ju-judge.

Philip

What the hell is that?!

[amused] That was our New Year's Eve party.

Will

Oh, oh, Uncle Phil, I just put in a couple of old home movies, you know, to show your human side. It gets better. Check it out.

Philip

[in video] If you put me on the bench, I'll take a real bite outta crime! Bi-bi-bite! Bi-bi-bite! Bite!

Philip

Vote for Philip Banks! Philip Banks! Philip Banks! Philip Banks!

Will

(whoops; hoots ala Arsenio Hall) Emmy!

Will

My next question is for Mr. Banks: Mr. Banks, would you let your nephew come to The Oprah Winfrey Show, or make him fly all the way to Chicago for nothin', sit in the audience, and embarass him in front of his girl -- (looks at camera) Hi, LaTeesha. [looks at Philip again] Huh?

Philip

My God. Is that Will?

No, Philip, it's Richard Nixon in a Will mask.

Carlton

No, Mom. I think that's really Will!

If you ask me your whole damn family is crazy.

Will

See, brotha, if we was in Philly, it might have to be something, but we're on T.V., and I believe in Martin's philosophy; Non-Violence. So, I'ma chill. I'ma chill.

And if your mama sent you out there to live with them, then she's crazy too.

Will

Hey, man, don't nobody talk about my mother, man! (charges towards audience member)

Will

(to Hilary) For you, Self magazine, Shape magazine, and Sassy magazine. (to Carlton) And for you sir, Elf magazine, Ape magazine, and Sissy magazine.

The jerk sentenced me to 6 months in jail for a crime I didn't commit. I'm just here to make sure he DEAD!

Philip

Thank you. Anyone else?

Yeah, he hired me to replant his garden. And when it came time for him to pay me, he called immigration, on me!

Philip

Gracias.

I knew Carl, biblically.

Philip

Oh, well, please.

With him, it was just a bunch of sex all the time, like dating Thumper. Never felt I really got to know him. Never felt he cared about my needs.

Philip

Uh, you were his wife?

His mistress!

Philip

Okay.

For 20 years. The longest years of my life.

Philip

You don't have any pleasant memories at all of him?

Well,... no. The man's idea of sweet talk was, "when you gonna bring your sister around"?

Philip

Well, thank you for sharing.

Will

HELP! HELP! Damn, y'all, I said HELP! Is there a doctor in the parking lot?

I'm a doctor.

Will

Oh, thank god. Look, doc, I got a lady in here having a baby. Yeah, you just got to go over that car. Oh, yeah, that's cool. Alright... Wait! Yo! Look out! Don't, man! [a crash is heard] Is there a doctor for the doctor?!

Carlton

Why don't you act like an adult?

Will

Why don't you look like one?

Philip

Oh, my God.

What is it? A boy or a girl?

Philip

This isn't a sonogram. It's a bill for $25,000. This baby's costing me a fortune.

Will

Congratulations, you're having a Hilary!

Janice

Frank, honey, I think it's time to change Frank, Jr.

Okay, babe. You know what, you look a little tired. Why don't you come and lay down, and I'll rub your feet for a little while.

Janice

Thanks, baby.

Helen

That does it, I'm getting me a white man.

Will

Hold up, Hold up, Time-out Time-out, flag on the play, traveling, offsides, clipping. What up with this here?

Carlton

Hillary, how'd you know that?

Easy, Geoffrey's been watching that Brain Storm tape all day.

Geoffrey

Young Ashley, how does a Mercedes sound?

Ashley

Vroom, vroom?

Geoffrey

Very clever. I'll get you two.

Hilary

Vroom, vroom, vroom!

Geoffrey

Nice try!