The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air · Season 3
[after Will touches a car]
You are too close to the vehicle.
Who said that?
You are too close to the vehicle.
I heard you the first time.
You have 10 seconds to move away before the alarm activates.
Oh, really, now? [sings the Jeopardy! theme while looking at his watch] 10 seconds, I knew you was full of it.
[the alarm activates]
[Will runs into a police officer]
Who were you talking to, son?
Oh, actually, I was talking to the car, officer.
[sarcastically] Oh, the car talks?
Yeah, hold on. [jumps on the back of the car] It says "move or I'll kill you", something like that. [laughs] Damn!
[the cop takes Will away]
You are too close to the vehicle.
Will (to Noah): Hey man, I'm from Philly. We had to save up to be poor! You don't get it.
Yeah, I get it all right. you come down here with your X-cap and your cool Doc Martins and you're all dope and word to your mother and you think that makes you committed. This isn't a game, Will and if you think it is, then maybe you better not come back because you don't get it.
Vivian, where were you yesterday?
Shooting hoops with Michael Jordan.
(Philip is telling Will and Carlton about his freshman year at Princeton)
For extra money, I had to work for the Princeton Daily. My first assignment was to interview the town's most famous stripper: Boom-Boom Lasalle.
(The guys start laughing)
I wonder why they called her that.
For some reason, she took a liking to me. So she invited me to come with her and her sister to her dressing room for drinks.
You the man, Uncle Phil.
Anyway, one thing led to another and before you know it, this old country boy...(Vivian slams a plate of food on the table in front of him) finished his Yoo-Hoo and went right home.
Wait a minute, Philip. Go back to when you finished your Yoo-Hoo.
(after their school goes coed) It's a disgrace. It's a scandal. It's an outrage.(a girl walks past him) It's the mother of my children.
(After Will sees a hot girl walking by)
Hurt me, hurt me! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's up, baby?
The name's Veronica.
Ooh, Veronica, I like that.
Great, now I can die.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, now, baby, I noticed you noticing me and I just want to put you on notice that I noticed you too.
And?
And I just want to let you know that I might let you consider being with me.
Is that what passes for a compliment?
Wait, listen...
No, you listen. If you want a shot at being with me, maybe you should try talking to me like a normal human being. Got it?
Actually, baby, you got it, but I'll take donations!
(Ashley is worried about her first day at a new school)
What if no one likes me?
Just do what Carlton does: give them money.
[Ashley walks into the room, coughs AHEM and the boys crowd her]
Wow. Will, check out the talent. She's cool, she's hot, she's...
YOUR BABY SISTER, MAN!
[shrieks]
[Ashley laughs and smiles; Carlton and Will rush over to her]
Yo! Ease back, man! Ease back!
[They chase the boys away]
What do you think you're doing?
Buzz off, small stuff!
That's it, Ashley! I want you to-- I'm ordering you to look unattractive!
[Ashley rolls her eyes, looks away and laughs]
(to Ashley) What did you have for breakfast, hormones?
Beat it! I'm workin' the room! [Walks up to a boy]
Hi, Bobby
Where'd she learn to walk like that?
And where did she get that Lee Press-On body?
Kenny (to Ashley): HURT ME, HURT ME! Yo, baby. See, I noticed you noticed me and I wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too! Baby, you float my boat!
I know you better float your midget boat on out of here. [pulls Kenny and pushes him into Carlton away from Ashley]
Will, man! Ease up!
No, you ease up, man! What you trying to do?
The same thing you're trying to do. I'm just trying to press up this woman!
YO, THAT AIN'T NO WOMAN THATS MY COUSIN!!!
I am too a woman and I'd appreciate it if you'd stay out of my business!
Don't you shake your neck at me like that, girl!
Come on, Kenny!
Hey.
[they start to walk out]
AND DON'T SHAKE THAT EITHER!
[Ashley ignores Carlton and shakes her butt all the way out of the room]
Kenny (to Ashley): Baby, I'm telling you. You got more moves than a bowl of Jello and there's always room for Jello.
Wow!
Dude sounds like a jackass.
Actually, Will, he sounds like you.
So when are we going out?
Oh, I don't know, baby. You have to let me check my book and I'll get back to you. You see, I wanna make sure I can give you my undivided attention.
Actually Will, he's better than you.
I mean look at you. You got it going on. You got sweet hips, lips and finger tips. (a beautiful girl walks by) But baby got back! (to Ashley) Bye, baby. (while running towards the other girl) Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute!
Look, I know my sister needs me, but that girl is babe-a-licious!
Carlton, I think you know what you have to do.
I know, but still, I would have liked to have been there for Ashley. (runs after the beautiful girl)
Kenny ran after that girl.
Kenny is a different case.
Carlton ran after the same girl.
Well, Carlton is a basket case.
(A hot chick just passed by Will)
Girl. I know your feet must be tired 'cause you been running through my mind all day. Come 'ere!
I need 30 seconds on the air to talk about why the rec center shouldn't be torn down,and I don't care if I got to force my way on the set to get it.
Let me get this straight. You want to storm the set, disrupt a live newscast, and jeopardize the credibility of this station?
Yes.
Will you be needing wardrobe?
And if there's anyone here who feels this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.
[Will barges in, thinking Carlton is the groom]
Stop, man! Don't do it! You don't even know if the baby is yours!
How did you know I'm havin' a baby?!
What?! You havin' a baby?!
[walks up to the couple; calmly] Whoa. Yo. Hey. Look, my fault, y'all. See, my cousin was supposed to... [to the groom] Hey, congratulations, man. [to the bride] So, you havin' his baby. What a wonderful way to say how much I love you, huh?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
