Geoffrey Butler quotes from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Geoffrey

I don't know why I bother. It's impossible to compete with tawdry entertainment like MTV, Nintendo, the New Children on the Block...

Geoffrey

I'm afraid it's drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford Center, madam.

Geoffrey

Of all the rooms to burn in your uncle's home...(amused) the kitchen! Are you mad, boy?

Philip

I think I'm getting better.

That's not the way I see it. You still stink.

Geoffrey

I wouldn't talk.

Philip

Geoffrey, after seeing your good work this past year, we have decided to increase your pay by twenty dollars per week.

Geoffrey

(mockingly) Thank you, sir. And, with my newfound wealth, I shall be able to treat myself to a Happy Meal!

Carlton

What do you think of this one, Dad?

Philip

I look like Little Richard, Attorney at Law.

Geoffrey

Dinner is served. (sees Philip) A-whop-bop-aloobop-a-wop-bam-boom!

Will

I ain't going on a date. I'm going on a phone call.

Geoffrey

That's what I call safe sex.

Geoffrey

Young Ashley, how does a Mercedes sound?

Ashley

Vroom, vroom?

Geoffrey

Very clever. I'll get you two.

Hilary

Vroom, vroom, vroom!

Geoffrey

Nice try!

Geoffrey

(To people in restaurant) These aren't my children!

Will

Is it our fault you never married Mom? I know she embarrassed you! She only had one arm! And whenever you two would go to concerts, she'd clap like this (slaps left hand on neck)

Hilary

It's a Bungee jump proposal!

Oh, please. Whatever happened to getting down on one knee?

Hilary

Daddy, that's for old fogies.

I got down on one knee.

Geoffrey

Sustained!

Trevor

(on TV; proposes to Hilary) Hilary Banks!

Hilary

Yes, Trevor?!

Trevor

Will you marry me?! (slams into the ground; whole family and Geoffrey watch in disbelief)

Will

I ain't no bungee expert or nothin', but I don't think he's supposed to be slammin' into the ground like that.

Hilary

"Please Stand By"? Great, the president's about to interrupt my marriage proposal.

Philip

Let's just pray that Trevor's okay. (later, after returning from Trevor's funeral) It was a lovely service.

Will

Trevor didn't look so bad for a dude that had a concrete facelift.

Carlton

Fool! Like that was his real head.

Could you two show a little compassion? Your sister is right behind you.

Hilary

I still can't understand.

Sweetheart, the lord giveth and the lord taketh away.

Hilary

No, I mean technically, am I a widow or what? This is all my fault, if I hadn't asked for a special proposal, Trevor would've been in my arms, instead of in my purse. (Pulls out a small urn.) I love you, Trevor. (Cries)

Will

Um, Hilary? Trevor wasn't cremated.

Hilary

Eww! Then who's this? (Hands the urn to Will who in turn, passes the urn to Geoffrey.)

Geoffrey

(Holding the urn) I'll see him to the door, sir.

Philip

Geoffrey, fetch me my tools.

Geoffrey

You mean your knife and fork?

Philip

Now I know how Captain Ahab felt when he hunted Moby Dick.

Geoffrey

Between the two of you sir, is the cricket the whale?

Philip

Good night, Geoffrey.

Geoffrey

Good night, sir... idiot

Philip

I can't stand it. This chirping is burning a hole STRAIGHT into my skull.

Geoffrey

There she blows, capitain! By the table! By the table!