[singing to himself] I'm stuck in a basement, sittin' on a tricycle, girl gettin' on my nerves. I'm goin' outta my mind, I thought she was fine, don't know if her body is hers!
S2Did the Earth Move for You?
[after Kathleen insults his childhood teddy-bear] Hey, hey, HEY! Don't you be dissin' my bear!
S2The Mother of All Battles
HDr. Hoover
Your daughter suffers from displaced aggression syndrome.
Oh, Dr. Hoover, I'm afraid I would have to give a second opinion before I could believe that.
HMrs. Hoover
Oh, it's definitely displaced aggression syndrome.
HDr. Hoover
Let me put it in simpler terms. This is where a child acts out the repressed hostility of an unhappy home.
And what is that supposed to mean?
HMrs. Hoover
Oh, too many big words?
No, Miss Thing, but I got a couple small words for you.
Vivian!
[enters] Hey, good news, people. The girls...
HDr. Hoover
Obviously, your wife is upset. It's common with women in mid-life. I'd be happy to prescribe something.
Dr. Hoover, the school where you got your degree? You find it on the back of a matchbook?
Please, my humble brothers, please...
HDr. Hoover
Penn State, my brother.
Really? Good school. I was thinking of going there if my scholarship to Princeton, Yale, Wharton, and Talladega Tech had fallen through.
HDr. Hoover
Impressive! You must've been quite an athlete in your thinner days.
Okay, time out! Time out!
Hey, hey, hey! Let's stick to the topic, okay?
HDr. Hoover
Fine. Speaking as a doctor, I think your daughter oughta be heavily sedated and immediately institutionalized.
Well, speaking as a lawyer, I can only say that your daughter suits the criminal profile to a T. Right down to the low, sloping forehead, and the wide jaw suitable for grains and small rodents!
HDr. Hoover
I think you must have her confused with yo' mama.
[Philip punches him, and Hoover falls on Will]
That's it, Uncle Phil! You're grounded! [to Dr. Hoover] Y'know, I'd be happy to prescribe something for that.
S2Will Gets a Job
Yo, what's up, y'all? You know if Uncle Phil's in a good mood? I'm trying to hit him up for $50 for the homecoming.
Will, $50 is only gonna cover the tickets. There's still the tux, the limousine, the pre-party party, the post-party party, and, in your case, bail.
Yeah, you're right. This could cost a fortune.
Oh, That's okay. Daddy's got a fortune. I always find that when you ask for large sums, it helps if you take his hand look deep into his eyes, and tell him you have cramps.
That only worked for Hilary. When I tried it he sent me to a specialist.
Maybe Will did get a job.
Oh, please, Vivian. You'd believe that boy if he told you that he was a big rap star whose album just went platinum.
[as a pirate in a restaurant] Welcome to the Briny Deep, where none of our prices are ever too steep. We got fresh fish, you can look at our tank, to get to the bathroom make a left at the plank. Follow me.
S2PSAT Pstory
(Will and Carlton enter the kitchen with cleaning equipment)
(about the PSAT) I don't believe it. You couldn't have done better than me. Somewhere, there's an Asian Will Smith and he's really ticked.
Carlton, it was one measly little percentile point, all right? But I won't hesitate to throw it in your face if you don't leave me alone.
Well, everyone still knows I have the superior intellect. (he sprays the kitchen window)
Than why are you using car wax on the window?! (patronizing voice) This a window. This Windex? Can you say that little man?
Geoffrey just looked back and gave a sad little wave.
(to Ashley) And fortunately, you're too young to know what he was waving.
Geoffrey, after seeing your good work this past year, we have decided to increase your pay by twenty dollars per week.
(mockingly) Thank you, sir. And, with my newfound wealth, I shall be able to treat myself to a Happy Meal!
I'll be subjected to overcrowding, bad food, and daily threats of violence. I'll have to get a Jheri Curl and tattoo.
Carlton, They're not gonna send you to jail for cheating on a test.
I wasn't talking about jail, I was talking about public school!
S2Granny Gets Busy
Hey, grandma. What do you think?
Hattie (walking in the living room to see Carlton in a dress being sewn by Will): Six years of Oprah and this is still a shock.
It's a bet, Grandma.
Don't tell me what happens if you lose. In fact, I don't want to know what happens if you win. Oh, Hell. Let's just never mention it again.
Philip (walking in the living room to see Carlton in a dress being sewn by Will): Son -- and I use that term loosely.
Dad, it's not what it looks like. Will and I are making a dress.
That's exactly what it looks like.
S2Guess Who's Coming to Marry?
BBobby
Cousin Carlton, Tomorrow, can you take me to Disneyland?
Forget it. I will not be an accomplice to the murder of Mickey Mouse.
[After seeing Janice's fiancé for the first time]
Gee, when Janice described him, she didn't mention that he was... tall. Not that I have any problems with people who are... tall.
LLester
My cousin used to date a girl who was, uh... tall.
PPhil
Heck, the boys go to a predominantly... tall school.
Am I alone in this, or did none of y'all notice he was white?
VVi
What the hell is wrong with Janice?!
Oh, I'm sorry, did I say "white"? [smiles weakly] I meant "tall".
He didn't seem that tall to me.
I was thinking, since Janice is of the Negroid persuasion and Frank is of the Caucasoid persuasion, we could try these songs for the wedding...
[Carlton sings a few lines from "Ebony and Ivory" by Paul McCartney then "Jungle Fever" by Stevie Wonder]
So, Will, what did you think?
I think you were deprived of oxygen at birth.
Bobby, I like it whenever you come. They all appreciate me after you leave.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.