You did what?! Are you out of your horny, little adolescent minds?
I know I am.
S3Winner Takes Off
This is my little brother, Carlton! He knows we can't afford new clothes so he just doesn't grow!
(To Geoffrey) Daddy! I wanna grow!
(To people in restaurant) These aren't my children!
Is it our fault you never married Mom? I know she embarrassed you! She only had one arm! And whenever you two would go to concerts, she'd clap like this (slaps left hand on neck)
S3Robbing the Banks
[The family comes home and Will is the first to discover the living room is completely empty; Will screams]
What happened in here?
We was robbed!
Oh, my God! What did they take?!
Tell me there's a baseball in this case.
It's empty.
I guess you weren't listening!
What baseball?
(in Hispanic accent) What baseball? Well, baseball sport where man with stick hit ball and run. Sorta like this. (he tries to escape the empty living room, but Philip catches him by the shirt)
S3Bundle of Joy
(Will is speaking to Ashley and Hilary in the kitchen)
You know, I used to think the only reason to kill a man was self-defense, but I just spent 45 minutes in the Volvo with another reason.
(Carlton then walks into the kitchen dressed and acting like a mime)
What's wrong with him?
This idiot is taking a mime class.
(Carlton continues his mime act directly towards Will, pulling on a rope)
Carlton, get... I swear to God, Carlton, get away from me with this. Stop. Stop playing. Carlton, stop or I'll hang you with that rope!
(Carlton mimes himself being hanged by a rope)
All right, that's it. That's it.
(Will throws Carlton, out the kitchen into the garden and locks the kitchen door)
I was going to throw him out on the freeway... but you know the old saying: A mime is a terrible thing to waste.
Carlton, say something to the baby.
Never let Will borrow money... even if he begs and he will.
(talking into recorder} That's your brother, Carlton. You'll recognize him. He'll be the one at eye level.
(Hilary and Carlton walk into the kitchen)
(talking into recorder) And here come your two siblings, Dopey and Greedy.
(Will gets sound bites from the family for tape recorder)
I'm eating.
(talking into recorder) You'll hear that a lot.
You're grounded.
(talking into recorder) Well, that about sums up Uncle Phil.
S3The Best Laid Plans
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Jean Claude Van Damn [Damme], I'm fine!
S3The Alma Matter
(Tom Jones shows Carlton what life for his family would be like without him)
What happened? And where's Mom?
TTom
Well, without you, your family was defenseless against Will. They started to focus on happiness instead of success. You mother ran away with the milk man, your father quit his practice to paint, Ashley does nothing but dance all day and Hilary just does her hair. Well, maybe not everything changed.
My dining club is what made me what I am today.
(Will opens his mouth and closes it)
Nah. Too easy.
S3Just Say Yo
Can't I get moved to another room? I have a reputation to maintain, what about when I go into political office?
NNurse
I'll tell you the same thing I told the last guy who asked me that. Just tell them you didn't inhale.
Will (wearing a tuxedo for the prom, sleeping on the living room couch and talking in his sleep): I just want to thank Bill and Hillary Clinton, for inviting me to the inauguration.
Will, wake up.
Yo, man. Go away.
Will, this is the Senior prom. Also known as "Guaranteed Action Night".
Rack 'em up!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.