Carlton Banks quotes from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Carlton

Might I say you rate a perfect 10 on my niftiness meter?

Carlton

(holds up a model magazine) Who? Page 42?

Carlton

(after their school goes coed) It's a disgrace. It's a scandal. It's an outrage.(a girl walks past him) It's the mother of my children.

Carlton

For a long time it gave me nightmares, having to witness an injustice like that. It was a constant reminder of how unfair this world can be. I can still hear them taunting him. "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids." ...How come they just couldn't give him some cereal?!

Carlton

Steffi, go home. You're not age appropriate for this party. (Carlton puts on duck floatie) I'm going swimming.

Carlton

(talking on the phone) What do you mean I didn't get the job? Budget problems? But I was volunteering!

Carlton

(on the phone) I can't be a Big Brother? They didn't like me? Well, you tell those little brats I don't like them either!

Carlton

Well, I tried to walk away but the craps table kept calling: "Carlton, Carlton." And the blackjack table said you can do it! And the slot machines just say: "Hey, you tall, handsome guy, come shake my hand!" These are ALL MY NEW FRIENDS! My God they're pumping a lot of oxygen in this room!

Carlton

(to Hilary) William Shatner is gonna be on your show?! (to Will) And you knew? You lived in the same pool house with me, knowing how much this would mean to me and you didn't tell me? I don't even know who you are.

Carlton

Plans for Palm Springs: 1: Work on golf swing. 2: Review SAT practice book. 3: Ask Mr. Firth about a summer internship.

Will

4: Get the stick out of your butt!

The ringleader agreed to confess, only if a camera crew were present to broadcast live. What you are about to see is Minuteman 21 News exclusive. [camera shows Will]

Will

Yeah! We done it! Word to Big Bird! We fixed 8 Benzitos, 15 Jags, and a Maserati! But I ain't like the upholstery, so I took it back, Jack!

And do you have anything to say? [shows Carlton]

Carlton

Dad?!

Carlton

Hey, Hilary. Did Dad mention me during the game?

Hilary

Yeah, he did say "Shut up, that's my kid you're talking about!"

Carlton

That's awful! Is he making you clean his room?

Hilary

No.

Carlton

Will you clean miiiine?

Hilary

Carlton!

Carlton

I'm sorry, Hilary, but this is too good to be true! Why should Will have all the fun?

Hilary

Why you little-

Carlton

DAAAAAAAAD-

Hilary

I HATE YOU!

Carlton

There's been a tragedy at school! Somebody scratched the word "Fresh" on the alumni desk. They already have a lead on who did it.

Will

[nervously] They do?

Carlton

They think it was a freshmen who lost his cool.

Ashley

Lost his cool, that's funny. "Fresh" means cool, right Will?

Will

I can't keep up with this new hip lingo.

Ashley

But I thought that's why they called you the Fresh Prince?

Phillip

Day damn one, Vivian! Day damn one!

Carlton

That was my point.

Philip

That's no excuse, Carlton. Just because Will teases you, you have to do something this foolish?

Carlton

Dad, I know it seemed foolish, but I had to show him that I had the courage to survive down there.

Philip

That's not courage. Courage is being the way you are no matter what anybody says about you. Will teases me, but you don't see me goin' "Yo, yo, yo, homey, yo."

Carlton

There's no "yo" at the end of it. I'm pretty sure of it.