[sees Ashley with another guy] Hold it. Hold it. Who do we have here?
[he hands a picture to Philip, he looks at it]
This is a stick with a snake wrapped around it.
GGuy
It's a symbol. Like Prince?
GGuy
See? That's exactly why fathers ain't allowed at the mall.
[Philip writes something on the paper and hands it back to the guy]
It's a symbol for GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!!!
[the guy leaves]
[to Will as he walks in the room] Excuse me! Is this what you've been tellin' my boy?!
That life is one big orgy?!
[he starts backing Will and Carlton into a corner]
Well, college is hard work, son. Followed by a family, which is even more hard work! And a teenage daughter who doesn't wanna be seen with you in public! And a wife! A wife who won't let you anywhere near her! And a butler! A butler who may be the father of your child! And a gardener! A GUARD...!!
(on TV; proposes to Hilary) Hilary Banks!
Will you marry me?! (slams into the ground; whole family and Geoffrey watch in disbelief)
I ain't no bungee expert or nothin', but I don't think he's supposed to be slammin' into the ground like that.
(The footage of Trevor's untimely death is cut to a "Please Stand By" message)
"Please Stand By"? Great, the president's about to interrupt my marriage proposal.
Let's just pray that Trevor's okay. (later, after returning from Trevor's funeral) It was a lovely service.
Trevor didn't look so bad for a dude that had a concrete facelift.
Fool! Like that was his real head.
Could you two show a little compassion? Your sister is right behind you.
(Hilary comes into the room, wearing a black wedding dress with Vivian comforting her)
I still can't understand.
Sweetheart, the lord giveth and the lord taketh away.
No, I mean technically, am I a widow or what? This is all my fault, if I hadn't asked for a special proposal, Trevor would've been in my arms, instead of in my purse. (Pulls out a small urn.) I love you, Trevor. (Cries)
Um, Hilary? Trevor wasn't cremated.
Eww! Then who's this? (Hands the urn to Will who in turn, passes the urn to Geoffrey.)
(Holding the urn) I'll see him to the door, sir.
I'm taking... [looks at his class schedule] ...Western Pornography.
[looks at schedule] Western Philosophy.
Western Philosophy, I'm impressed.
He doesn't even know what Western Philosophy is.
I do, too. It asks questions like, "Did anybody really think Kool Moe Dee was a cowboy?" (singing) The Wild Wild West. The Wild Wild West.
(singing) I used to live downtown, on 29... (stops singing)
Carlton the peacock says "Don't be a quitter. Pick up your litter."
(Carlton is knocked down by a student)
Come on guys, help me up.
Yeah, we need clean-up in aisle five. There's some bird droppings.
(Will and Jackie are quarrelling; they start shouting the same words simultaneously)
WJWill & Jackie
You ain't ever gonna change! I'm getting the last word! No, you're not! Oh, yes, I am! Damn!!
You know, Will, if you had pulled a stunt like this when you were in high school, there's no telling what I would do. For starters, I would do this.
(Philip sits on top of Will's lap, causing him to scream in agony as the episode ends)
