The Big Bang Theory · Season 9
If you don't mind me asking, why did you and your wife split up?
Oh, you know how it is. We wanted different things. I wanted children, and she wanted a pastry chef named Jean-Philippe.
Oh, I'm, I'm so sorry.
Ah, that's fine. That's why I left England. It reminded me too much of her - cold, gloomy and easily accessed by a Frenchman through a tunnel.
If there were a list of things that make me more comfortable, a list would be at the top of that list.
I excel at many things, but getting over you isn't one of them. It's best we stay friends.
[Sheldon and Leonard are working on calculations. Sheldon hums the beginning of Darlin']
Since when do you hum songs?
What are you talking about?
You were just humming.
Are you sure? Sometimes when my brain really gets moving it makes noise.
How does your brain feel about calculating the surface tension of the domain walls?
Let's see... [starts humming again] Hey! I was humming. One point for Hufflepuff.
He spent an entire date talking about how much he loves Sheldon.
It's nothing Sheldon hasn't done before.
[Sheldon, Leonard, Howard and Raj are trying to buy tickets for the opening night of Star Wars]
The website's frozen. I can't get in.
Same here.
Guys, they're going to sell out!
What are we gonna do?
Alright. This goes against everything I stand for, but desperate times call for desperate measures. [Kneels on the floor in a prayer stance] Lord, this is Sheldon Cooper. You're good friends with my mom. I know I've spent my life denying that you exist...
Got them!
...and I will continue to do so!
I'm just... really nervous.
Why?
I've been waiting for this for so long. I've just built it up in my head. I don't know what to expect.
Neither do I. But... we can find out together.
Good news gentlemen! Amy's at a conference this weekend, which means I'm available to be entertained. As today's youth might put it, who wants to get their Sheld-on?
Bernie and I are getting the house ready for the remodel. We could always use an extra pair of hands.
Yeah, that sounds awful. Raj?
I've got time booked in the telescope room all weekend, scanning for rogue planets. You're more than welcome to join me.
That's the one to beat! Leonard?
Oh, if anything, I'm trying to get my Sheld-off.
Well then, it looks like we have a winner. Congratulations.
Well, I should warn you, it's just looking at data for hours and hours on a computer screen.
Stop selling it kid, you won.
Too busy to call? He wasn't too busy to binge-watch Hot in Cleveland with my Hulu password!
Hey, so I saw a movie trailer the other day, How could Batman possibly fight Superman? Isn't that dumb!
Maybe he uses kryptonite.
Well, Batman's got a lot of money; maybe he builds a suit that can do everything Superman can do.
No, no, no, no, no, I've seen that movie. It's called Iron Man.
[the guys are stupefied]
What is happening?
I don't know.
But it's beautiful.
How's Ben Affleck as Batman?
Oh, he was great in Shakespeare in Love.
Ooh, we should watch that next girls' night.
We could do a double feature with the Leonardo DiCaprio Romeo and Juliet.
Oh, I love me some Leo.
And it's gone.
Hi Sheldon, what's new?
My friends are jerks and I'm mad at all of them.
I said "what's new," but sure...
You know, the last time I got a handwritten letter was from someone who told me I parked like a blind person.
That someone has a name.
Thank you.
No wine for me. Sheldon's bringing me my whiskey.
There you go, Meemaw. I made it just how you like it. A lot, in a glass.
You say it like it's easy! Has any one of you ever broken up with anyone?
No.
Not really.
You know, once I ordered an Uber by accident, and I just got in and went somewhere.
Should we name him?
It is Valentine's Day. How about Valentino?
Nice. A classic rabbit name. Peter Rabbit, Roger Rabbit. Valentino Wolowitz Rabbit. Oh, look at all that chest hair and overbite. Of course you're a Wolowitz.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
