RRaj
Sheldon, what did Amy have that attracted you?
Oh, so many things. Her mind, her kindness, and especially her body.
RRaj
Really?
Relax. We're the same blood type, he knew he could harvest an organ.
S10 E21The Separation Agitation
S10 E22The Cognition Regeneration
Penny?
Oh, Zack, hey!
What are the odds of running into you here?
Well, it's a bar, so pretty good.
I'm sorry I called you a quitter.
It's okay. I stopped being upset about that. And no, the irony is not lost on me.
S10 E23The Gyroscopic Collapse
Wait, so you're just gonna take all the work we've done for the last year and toss us aside?
CRCol. Richard Williams
That one I can tell you. Yes.
Well, this is all very upsetting.
WWilliams
I'm sorry to hear that. As you know, the primary focus of the United States military is people's feelings.
Wait, if that's sarcasm, please save it for our enemies!
[Leonard, Sheldon and Howard walk into an empty apartment]
[looks around the empty room] The Air Force did it again! They're erasing our lives!
[looks at the door] Third floor. Wrong apartment.
Although, if anyone would clean out your apartment and disappear, it'd be Penny.
She might disappear, but she's definitely not cleaning anything.
S10 E24The Long Distance Dissonance
[over Skype] I gave you one job! Keep an eye on him. How hard is that?
We thought you meant not letting him run out into traffic.
Which he only did once.
Why didn't you tell me?
We didn't want you to worry.
Should I worry?
No. Come on, it's Sheldon. Nothing is gonna happen.
That's what you said to me when I started dating him. And then five years later, bingo-bango, something happened.
Yeah, but you're gonna be back in three months.
You don't get it. I've been smacking that ketchup bottle for a long time. All she's got to do is tip it over and point it at her fries.
Well, what do you want us to do?
I don't know. Might be the New Jersey talking, but this Nowitzki broad needs to disappear.
That's ridiculous. As far as we know, all that happened is two scientists had lunch.
Yeah, but one of those scientists is a tall, blonde Olympic swimmer.
Come on, looks don't matter to Sheldon. [pause] Because he only has eyes for you!
Nice try.
Thanks, I was scrambling.
Okay let's try this. Think of yourself as one of those limited edition toys people like to collect.
I already do.
Well, then you get it.
[realizing] Oh! Because there's only one of me, I'm more valuable.
Right!
Although, Amy's already taken me out of my package and played with me.
.... Let's forget the toy thing, okay?
S11 E1The Proposal Proposal
Will you marry me? [his phone rings] One moment, please.
[incredulous] Really? You're gonna answer that right now?
It's Leonard. I don't want to be rude.
Hey, where you been? We've been calling you for hours.
Oh, I'm sorry. My phone was on "airplane" mode.
Why?
Because I was on an airplane. [gives Amy a "duh" look]
Hey, where are you?
I came to Princeton to see Amy. It's a funny story, actually. I was having lunch with Dr. Nowitzki, and she kissed me.
Excuse me?
What?
Amy I'm sorry?
And in that moment, I realized that Amy was the only woman I ever wanted to kiss for the rest of my life. So I came to New Jersey to ask her to marry me.
Mother, I have some good news to share.
[giddily] We're engaged!
I am so happy for you two, but I'm not surprised. I've been praying for this.
Well, God had nothing to do with it. It happened because I was kissing another woman, and it made me realize I wanted to be with Amy.
More than one woman was interested in you? I might have prayed a little too hard.
I want to let you know right now that we are not getting married in a church.
That's all right, Sheldon. Anywhere Jesus is is a church.
Well, he won't be at our wedding.
He's in my heart, so if I'm there, he'll be there.
Okay, well, then he's your plus-one. You don't get to bring anyone else.
That's fine. Love you.
Love you, too. Bye.
[they hang up] Lord, thank you. Even though you can do anything, that was mighty impressive.
S11 E2The Retraction Reaction
If we weren't physicists, what would we be?
I don't know. Popular?
JDJanine Davis
I think that you are the smartest physicist at this university.
Really?
JJanine
See? Lies. They're not that hard.
S11 E3The Relaxation Integration
It's a date. Just pick one.
It's not just a date, it's a textbook optimization problem. There is a perfect date, just like there's a perfect room temperature and a perfect dessert.
There's no perfect dessert.
Yellow cake in the shape of a dinosaur with chocolate frosting, scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side, not touching. You'll see. You'll have it at our wedding.
You wanna bet?
[Amy has recorded Sheldon talking in his sleep,]
That's me?
It's you.
So you spied on me in my sleep?
Sheldon, I'm sorry. You've been doing this every night. I couldn't help but wonder if it meant something.
Well, it doesn't.
Are you sure? I mean, the prefrontal cortex regulates impulse control. So it's plausible that when we're asleep, aspects of our personality that we repress might come out.
Don't try to put science lipstick on your New Age pig! And for the record, you make noises when you sleep, and I've never accused you of repressing your inner chainsaw! [storms out of the apartment]
If you want me to object at your wedding, just give me one of these. [taps the side of his nose]
S11 E4The Explosion Implosion
RRaj
Oh, come on. You can't really be disappointed [about having a baby boy].
Hey, I barely know how to be a man myself. Now I have to teach someone?
As the saying goes, "Those who can't do, teach."
Don't you want a little version of Howard?
I already have a little version of Howard.
Heck, now I'm having a son. I'll have to teach him how to play sports, and watch sports, and-and-and-and-and...
RRaj
[to Leonard] He just ran out of "Man Things", he's in trouble.
My mother's texting you?
Yeah, we've been talking a lot lately.
Why? Is she sick of talking to the Magic Mirror on the wall?
No, I think she's lonely. She's been reaching out.
Just be careful. You think you're getting close to her, the next thing you know, you're featured in a book called He's Doing It On Purpose: Raising a Teenage Bedwetter.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.