The Big Bang Theory quotes

Amy

What is this?

Sheldon

The notes from our quantum cognition project. I thought we could spend the evening grinding away on it.

Amy

I just got home. I'm tired.

Sheldon

Of Howard. I know. So how about you and me make some... beautiful science together?

Amy

Sheldon, I wanna work on this with you, just not tonight. What if we get up early and do it in the morning? I promise, I'll be way more into it.

Sheldon

You know what? There was a time when you would have been happy to stay up and collaborate all night with me. And then wake up in the morning and do it some more.

Amy

[sighs] Fine, but can we make it quick?

Sheldon

[shocked] No. If you have to make me do all the work, then go to bed. But don't be surprised if you walk out here and catch me doing it myself.

Leonard

Ugh. Sheldon's texting me to drive him to Bernadette's.

Penny

Well, what are you gonna say?

Leonard

They did just introduce the middle-finger emoji. If it's not for this, I don't know what it's for.

Penny

No no no, he'll just think that means "Be there in a minute."

Amy

[to Howard] Don't make jokes. He meant a lot to Sheldon.

Leonard

Me, too. I grew up watching his show. He's one of the reasons I became a scientist.

Penny

Aw. I thought you did it just to get girls.

Leonard

Joke's on you. It worked.

Sheldon

Hello, Arthur.

Arthur

What part of "Rest in Peace" don't you understand?

Sheldon

I suppose you're here because you heard the news.

Arthur

Sheldon, I'm a figment of your imagination. I don't hear news.

Sheldon

You're a grumpy figment.

Sheldon

I am a respected theoretical physicist. I aspire to win a Nobel Prize someday. But nobody's gonna take me seriously if they find out I've been dabbling in geology.

Penny

Well, why not? They're both sciences. And I know because they're classes my high school counselor said "weren't for me".

Sheldon

They're very different. Physics answers the question "What is the nature of the universe?". Geology answers the question, you know, "What'd I just trip over?".

Penny

All right, well, then don't work with Bert.

Sheldon

Oh, but I like the work.

Penny

Then work with him.

Sheldon

Yeah, but I'm ashamed of the field.

Penny

Then don't work with him.

Sheldon

Yeah, but we could prove dark matter.

Penny

Then work with him.

Sheldon

But I just think that people...

Penny

How many times are you gonna do this?

Sheldon

My record is fourteen.

Are you saying that you don't believe two people fall in love?

Of course they do. It's just that what people call "love" is actually a series of biochemical reactions in the brain, that fade over time.

Yes. Like the old song "When a Man Has a Biochemical Reaction For a Woman".

Raj, we're scientists. We don't need to feel threatened just because we understand the mechanisms that give rise to romantic feelings. It doesn't take anything away from the experience.

Yes, it does. Actually, it takes everything away from it. Love isn't just science, okay? It's spiritual. It's an acknowledgement of a mystery that's greater than ourselves. It's what makes people write songs, and poems, and what has kept The Bachelor on TV for twenty-one magical seasons.

Don't you think the fact that love is given away as a prize on a game show slightly undermines your argument?

Uh, yes. But I've never missed an episode, and I dare science to explain that.

Amy

What do you want to watch?

Sheldon

Oh, why don't you pick?

Amy

Okay, how about comedy?

Sheldon

Nah, I already laughed today.

Amy

I know, it was when I stubbed my toe.

Sheldon

[chuckles] Still funny.

Amy

Drama?

Sheldon

Nah, I've already seen someone cry today.

Amy

It really hurt, Sheldon!

Amy

Well, if it helps, you all behaved terribly and you deserve what you got.

Sheldon

Well that doesn't help, at all. Sometimes your social skills are very poor.

Howard

I can't believe we let Kripke use us like that.

Penny

You know, maybe you're all more like the guy who didn't invent the electric car, and less like the guy who didn't invent the light bulb.

Leonard

She's right, maybe we're all a bunch of Teslas after all. [Howard and Sheldon smile]

Amy

Didn't Tesla die penniless, forgotten and insane?

Howard

You may have a point about her social skills.

Sheldon

He wasn't insane.

Leonard

He did fall in love with a pigeon.

Sheldon

Well, if we're gonna call Tesla crazy for loving something small and unappealing, we might as well put Penny in a padded cell right now.

Penny

Hey. What are you guys doing?

Uh, we have a bunch of Bitcoin on an old laptop, and it could be worth, like, a lot of money.

Penny

What-- You're kidding.

Leonard

No. We-we could be sitting on a fortune.

Penny

Okay, let the record show, I did not marry you for money, but you just got way more attractive.

Leonard

You can't still be mad about that.

Sheldon

Please. I have grudges going back to kindergarden. One day, I plan to find an adult Emily Dwyer and make her eat a crayon while I watch.

Amy

Is that why there's an Emily Dwyer on our invitation list?

Sheldon

Of course. That night, I will have the first dance, and the last laugh.

Sheldon

What do you think will make the wedding worse for Amy: a cake made with salt instead of sugar or a cake iced with congealed gravy?

Leonard

That is a trick question. The answer is: you as the groom.

Sheldon

Neither of them will be the actual cake. I'm just using it as a bargaining chip to get Amy to agree to the whole wedding party getting rings and us getting one ring to rule them all.

Sheldon

Amy, I never thought I'd want to marry anyone. So the fact that I found you is astonishing. It's-it's like finding dark matter, except they're looking for dark matter. I wasn't even looking for you. S-So you're even better than dark matter.

Amy

[chuckles] Sheldon...

Sheldon

Plus, plus, you interact with light, so I can see you. And, also, you don't account for the missing mass in the universe. Oh, and...

Amy

Okay, I think you're getting caught up on the ways I'm not like dark matter.

Howard

Well, this party's a disaster.

Don't blame the party! You know how many favors I had to call in with my bounce house guy to get Wonder Woman?

Howard

Is that Wonder Woman?

Technically, it's a Chinese knockoff called Happy Strong Swimsuit Lady.

Sheldon

Oh, Stuart, two questions: Do you have the new Aquaman, and do you mind if I use your back room to smoke some meat?

Stuart

Well, since it's you asking, I'm gonna guess that's not a euphemism.

Leonard

Why are you smoking meat? And why are you reading Aquaman?

Sheldon

I am trying to make Amy a historically accurate Little House on the Prairie dinner for her birthday, and I want to be able to say I was reading it before it was cool.

Leonard

Wow, well, that's actually really sweet. The dinner thing. The Aquaman thing's dumb.

Howard

[referring to Sheldon and Amy] Are they acting strange?

Leonard

I don't think they're acting.