[Hyde, Kelso and Fez do another attempt at canoe riding]
We'll get a running start. And then, I'll jump in and zoom down the hill like the bobsledders do.
And then, because this is a canoe on dirt and gravel instead of a bobsled on ice, bad things are gonna happen to you.
This is why I'm a legend, Fez.
Alright, Kelso. [picks up the Stupid Helmet] This time you're wearing a helmet.
Thanks, Hyde, but I think I'm not gonna put on a helmet with a bunch of worms and stuff crammed inside.
Well, now it's not, 'cause I didn't fall for it!
It finally happened. I've become the boy who cried helmet.
[Kelso, Hyde and Fez start pushing the canoe downhill. Kelso lets go and runs downhill]
WOOHOO! [jumps; lands with a thud] Holy crap! Did you see me bounce off of that tree?!
Forman, your bachelor party's tonight. We're going to a strip club, so don't forget your inhaler.
Come on, Hyde. I don't need a silly bachelor party.
Oh, come on, man. It'll be one last night of the finest debauchery that Point Place has to offer.
Hyde, all I need is my sweetie here for the rest of my life.
It's alright, Eric. You can go.
Alright! I'm gonna see nudies!
[walks into the kitchen] Oh, Eric, you're not going to one of those hoochie mama shows, are you?
Don't worry, Mrs. Forman. I'll return your son in the same slightly girly condition that he leaves in.
Guys... I have to tell you about this dream I had.
No. Eric, I can't hear another one of your lame dreams. "Guys, I dreamt I was purple and I could fly and Luke Skywalker was my lab partner."
No. It was about Donna. Okay, it was five years in the future.
Five years in the future? Did you see Jackie? How's she holdin' up? Do I need to get out now?
Hyde, in my dream, Donna gave up her life plans to be with me. And she was so miserable, she left me.
That's it? I took my feet off the table and turned slightly to the left for that?
Look, you guys, what if I really am holding Donna back.. and she just doesn't realize it yet? I feel like I could be ruining both of our lives.
Eric, relax, okay? It's just a stress dream, 'cause you're gettin' married tomorrow. Now I had a dream last night that's worth telling. Okay, Donna was in a wet t-shirt contest [begins to visualize scene but stops it] No, I can't. Forget it. It's too dirty.
So who's gonna be your best man?
Oh, you know what? Why don't you guys just decide who my best man is?
Whoa, you want us to choose? Well, if that's not an invitation to dress a dog up in a tuxedo, I don't know what it is.
All right. If anyone should be the best man, it's me. I'm gonna be a father, so I really need the money.
You don't get paid to be the best man. You do it for the satisfaction of nailing the hottest bridesmaid. It's in the bible.
Well, I can't do that, 'cause I'm bringin' Brooke. Yeah, we're getting pretty serious. Girls, man... you get 'em pregnant, they get all clingy.
[The gang, the Formans and Bob are in the Forman living room after Eric failed to arrive at the wedding rehearsal. Hyde answers a phone call.]
Hello... Yeah, we kinda figured... Uh-huh ... Well, do you wanna talk to her? She sittin' right here... Okay [hangs up] Wrong number.
He said he's really sorry.
He's sorry? He left me the day before our wedding, and he's sorry? What.. what does that mean?
It means he's not coming. Not tonight, not to the wedding. He's gone.
Man, I am glad to be here. I have had a rough day. Being around all this love and happiness oughtta cheer me right up. I mean, this is a happy day. Look at all the love. Wait, hey, where's Eric?
[Hyde is in the hospital after falling off the water tower while with Donna]
Hyde, I am so sorry. I don't know my own strength. I mean, I guess I'm still all bulked up from J.V. Wrestling. You know what? This isn't my fault. This is Eric's fault for taking off.
Hey, look at the bright side. Now I can spy on you from Eric's empty bedroom instead of climbing up a tree where there's no place to put my juice box.
Man, I can't believe I missed you falling out of the water tower. So I'm at home, and I'm watching Scooby-Doo, and I think to myself: "You know what? You should go and hang out with Hyde and Donna." And then I think, "No, because maybe Scooby and Shaggy found a real ghost this time." But it wasn't. It was just another crazy old guy.
[enters room] Oh, Steven, I heard what happened.
And you brought me flowers?
No, these are for me. My boyfriend fell off the water tower. So what, Donna, you're alone, and you want me to be alone, too?
Okay, Steven, get on home. I'll take care of you later. Trade you a kiss for a lollipop.
I don't need that baby crap [he waits till the guys are out of the room, turns back and gives Kitty a kiss]
[Midge returns]
Mom, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're here.
Well, there are times when a mother has to be there for her baby, like now and, I guess, when she's born.
You know, Mrs. Pinciotti, in my younger days, I had quite the crush on you even though I knew nothing could ever happen. But now that I'm older, and I'm gonna be a father soon, if anything does happen, we gotta keep it quiet.
[enters room] Steven, you're late. Where.. Midge! Hey.. what a surprise. Huh. I should probably return these earrings I didn't know were yours.
[walks in with Pam] Midge, what are you doing here?
I came to see Donna. Who's the amazon?
Oh, this is my, uh, friend.
PPam
"Friend"? I don't think so. Hi, I'm Pam, the best thing that ever happened to him.
I'm Midge, the second best thing that ever happened to him.
Dad, I invited her to stay with us.
Your mom is staying with us?
No, your mom is staying with us.
Well, that's not my mom, that's your mom.
I'm confused. Who am I sleeping with?
Hey Fez I think I have something in my eye.
Is it Donna's engagement ring?
No. No it's too big for that.
Maybe we should get some doctor's masks. So we don't accidentally inhale Donna's ring.
Okay. okay. Donna, you though the engagement ring was big enough right? [Donna hesitates]
[Red, Kitty, and the gang gets to know Hyde's real father]
So William? What kind of work do you do?
WBWilliam Barnett
I own a chain of record stores.
Record stores...That's cool, huh? I was afraid you where gonna be a cop or something?
BBarnett
I don't like cops.
I don't like cops either...Hey, who do you think shot JFK?
BBarnett
I don't know because they [points up] don't want me to know.
I can't believe Red bought the muffler shop. Alright, that's it. New Eric's out, Old Eric's back. I should probably just go upstairs and think about what I've done.
Oh, come on. You can't turn back now. You're like an explorer discovering a new you. When Columbus discovered America instead of the West Indies, did he go to his room? No. He waded into Mexico and stole all of their gold.
I think it's hot when you do naughty stuff and I want you to keep doing it.
You know what? It is hot. I'm not gonna let Red bully me out of it. I mean, how often was I hot before? Almost never, right?! But now, I am hot, and hot, I will stay. Let's celebrate.
(gasps) One of Red's beers?
There's a new sheriff in town, little lady.
Well, if it isn't my son, the vandal. You know I ought to vandalize your ass with my foot.
Look, I said I was sorry and I fixed up the shop. Come on Dad, aren't we- aren't we getting a little old for this whole dance? I mean, here we are, shaking our booties and I mean, disco's dead.
You're not taking dance lessons again, are you?
No, I'm saying, here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna accept my apology, man to man, and then sit down with me and my girl here, and enjoy this beer.
No, here's what's gonna happen. You are gonna put down that beer and go to your room.
Or, here's what's gonna happen. I am going to go to my room. But first, I'm gonna chug this beer.
Okay, that's really fizzy. But I think I made my point. Now you put some saran wrap on that, and I will finish it later.
