[The episode starts at night as the camera focuses on the trio of houses on Conch Street while zooming in on SpongeBob's house while the song "The Best Day Ever" starts to play. Inside, he is asleep. The sun quickly rises outside, turning night into day, and SpongeBob awakens as well.]
[gasps] A reserved seat? Next to my friends? I made it! All I have to do is sit down and...
[Just as he sits down, everyone applauds as the curtains close, marking the end of the show, and SpongeBob completely loses it.]
[Yells in frustration shaking his fists up making a rumbling sound as everyone looks at him in confusion] No! [jumps on stage and tears the curtain] No! It is not over!
This was supposed to be my perfect day. But then everything... [a fish gets up and starts to leave, but SpongeBob stops him as he screams] Sit down! [the fish does so] Then everything turned to doo-doo.
[he, Patrick and Sandy go upstage with him] It's okay, SpongeBob.
NO, IT'S NOT OKAY! [his yelling makes Mr. Krabs and Patrick flinch] This was gonna be my best day ever, starting with doing the best job in the world, working at the Krusty Krab!
Boy, you saved me barnacle the way you put the run on them nematodes!
[sniffles] Yeah, I guess so. But then I was gonna do karate with Sandy!
SandyI know, but you saved the treedome! Pretty cool, if you ask me.
Well, I suppose. But then I was gonna go jellyfishing with Patrick!
But then you... Uh, what'd you do again?
And, I hate to admit it, but I suppose if you hadn't fixed my reed, the concert would have been a bust.
You see, SpongeBob, it's not about you or your perfect day or any of those things.
No. [chuckles] It's about us!
Yep. And since you did such a good job, we wanna make it up to you.
So, just tell us anything your little heart desires, and it's yours.
LLRH
Well, shall we continue on with the rest of the tour?
Sandy
Y'all head out without me. [goes back inside]
LLRH
Well, then, good luck, have fun. We'll see you at dinner. [to SpongeBob] Your friend Sandy certainly is an excitable one.
Somehow I knew I'd get stuck with you yahoos the longest.
[running to Squidward] Squidward! Where the barnacles is SpongeBob? This place is going down the toilet! Patties need flipping!
If I knew, do you think I'd be standing here getting yelled at by a bunch of morons?
Don't talk back to your superior officer, you...
[Both start arguing. Sandy comes in.]
Sandy
Squidward! Mr. Krabs! Y'all seen SpongeBob?
I think we just went through this...
What he means to say is, no, we haven't.
Sandy
Well, apparently, he's left Bikini Bottom, and he ain't coming back. [hands Mr. Krabs the note]
Let me see that. [begins to read] To whom that may concern, [muttering] ...aka... aka? Idiot Boy? [shocked] Idiot Boy?! [horrified, he realizes that the letter was written by SpongeBob because everyone called him Idiot Boy] It is SpongeBob! What am I gonna do without me fry cook?!
What am I gonna do without my best friend?! I should never have been mean to you! [starts to cry]
Sandy
I should have never kicked you out of my house! [starts to cry as her helmet fills up with her tears]
[voice breaking] If I'd known that was the last time I'd see SpongeBob, I would have [happily] slammed the door in his face even harder! [he happily starts guffawing, while Patrick and Sandy are still crying]
All right, group meeting! Everybody out! The Krusty Krab's closed until further notice! [closes the doors] Now, how do you propose we find me money-making employee? [he and the others gather around]
Sandy
Listen up, y'all! I got a plan to bring back SpongeBob.
Sandy
Yup, and it involves this. [shows a device] It'll track any sponge within a 50-mile radius.
So, you're saying this thing can actually find SpongeBob? [holds the device]
Sandy
You got it, Squid Cakes, but it's gonna take all of us to find-- [Squidward smashes the device with a mallet]
SKSandy, Mr. Krabs and Patrick
[gasp]
[holding the mallet while panting heavily like a maniac] Oops, I dropped it.
[becomes infuriated that his nose inflates and bursts like a balloon, with a large amount of water coming out of it] Mr. Squidward! This device was me last chance to get this place back into ship shape! And since you destroyed it, I am ordering you to find SpongeBob!
[laughs] I wouldn't seek out that twit for all the leotards of the sea.
If you don't find him, you'll be out of a job forever.
Ha! Is that your version of a threat?
Oh, Squidward, don't forget your retirement gift.
Mr. Krabs, I am not interested in any---- [gasps] Is that a handcrafted, jewel-encrusted, ornamental egg? That'll complete my collection! [he runs to the egg] Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr. Krabs!
[stops Squidward, who falls to the floor] Not so fast! Bring back me number-one fry cook first.
Sandy
Here it is! You must recognize this place.
Don't recognize the Krusty Krab? Stop your kidding, boy. [takes out the greasy spatula that SpongeBob used to use] And start frying up them patties.
MCMayor CheeseHead
[holds the spatula] I was a fry cook before?
Aye, the best in the business. Now get flipping.
MCMayor CheeseHead
Look, guys, as much as I'd love to toil the days away flipping burgers, [leaves] I think I'll just go back to my modest job [drops the spatula] as mayor of a major city.
Whoo-hoo-hoo, SpongeBob's leaving for real this time! [to Mr. Krabs] Mr. Krabs, I brought back your number one fry cook. You gotta pay up.
All right, Mr. Squidward, a deal's a deal. Here's your fancy egg.
Oh, it's beautiful! [Squidward laughs with excitement and is admiring his egg until he slips on the spatula, which sends the egg flying] No...! [when SpongeBob the mayor leaves the Krusty Krab, the egg crashes onto his head. Squidward is upset that his egg is destroyed and a bump rises on the SpongeBob's head]
Sandy
You okay, SpongeBob?
Yeah, just a bit of a headache, Sandy-- [He looks around the Krusty Krab and realized that his memory is coming back] Hey, I remember this place!
Sandy
SpongeBob's back!
We're really sorry we ran you out of town, boy. But we're glad you're back.
I'd really love to stay, but the people of New Kelp City need their mayor. [put on the mayor hat again] Goodbye, everyone.
KSMr. Krabs, Sandy, and Patrick
Oh, not again. / What? / Huh?
[before SpongeBob leaves the Krusty Krab] Stop what you're doing and don't go out that door. [SpongeBob stops and looks at the TV in the Krusty Krab] This is a KNKC special report. Panic in the streets of New Kelp City as rampant bubbles bring visibility down to 0. The angry citizens here blame the apocalyptic scene on Mayor CheeseHead BrownPants and his newly-enacted bubble policy. [gets punched aside by Pirate 12 again]
P1Pirate 12
If I ever see Mayor BrownPants again, I'm gonna grab his little, yellow head and literally rip his—! [screen changes to "We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties. Share the frustration."]
[SpongeBob is in the Krusty Krab kitchen.]
[rings a bell] Order up! [hands a Krabby Patty on plate] Who wants to be a dumb old mayor when you're the best fry cook in town? [laughs] And how could I ever leave behind my bestest friends?
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, Krabby Patty! [eats the Krabby Patty] SpongeBob, another masterpiece.
Sandy
It's great to have you back, Spongy!
[sighs] Looks like I'm back in Bikini Bottom forever!
[In the background cows are mooing. Squidward opens his head, removes his brain, and throws it in the trash can]
Here's the slop you ordered. [tosses tray of food down on customer's table] Enjoy. If you can choke it down. [laughs]
[writes] Be rude to customers and insult food. Nasally laugh.
[Bubble transition to Squidward throwing a bag of trash at the dumpster out back. He breaks the bag open. SpongeBob does the same. Squidward pats SpongeBob on the head. Bubble transition.]
CCustomer
Can I get a Krabby Patty Combo?
CCustomer
How about a Double Krabby?
CCustomer
Can I get a Triple Patty with cheese?
[nudging Squidward] Oh I think you've had way too many of those. [both laugh like Squidward as the customer walks off angry. Cut to another trash bag broken being thrown at the dumpster. SpongeBob tosses a tray on a customers table, spilling the drinks on the floor]
Taught him everything he knows. [more bags of trash being broken and customers getting burnt food or food thrown at them. SpongeBob and Squidward are snoring the bathroom while customers are waiting to use the stalls. Customers are clamoring in line while SpongeBob and Squidward are snoring at the cash register as Mr. Krabs enters]
[angry] What are you two doing?! Get to work! I'm used to Squidward sleeping on the job, but I expect more from you, Mr. SquarePants!
I am not SpongeBob SquarePants, Mr. Krabs!
What in the name of Davy Jones are you talking about?!
I mean, do these pants look square to you? They're round!
I can't be SpongeBob SquarePants with round pants!
[Pans quickly to Patrick about to eat but stops and puts his Krabby Patty down as he realizes his error.]
Well, why don't you just take them off?
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob bringing out a Krabby Patty in his underwear.]
Sandy
Well well, if it isn't SpongeBob UnderPants! [chuckles. SpongeBob notices he's in his underwear and screams as the episode ends]
Sandy, you're naked. And you don't have any clothes on!
Sandy
Unhand my pelt, you unknown varmint!
[pops out of the Sandy robot's mouth] Only from my cold, dead feelers!
Sandy
[enraged] Plankton! I should have known this was your doing! Now, feel this! [punches the Sandy robot like a training dummy] Hi-ya! [The Sandy robot is undamaged so Sandy kicks it like a training dummy] Pwaaaaa! [The Sandy robot is punched and knocked into the wall and slumps over. Sandy rolls up her pelt and Plankton and the formula flies out. Mr. Krabs catches the formula, Sandy catches Plankton] Gotcha! And now for the appropriate punishment for a no-good, yella' belly like yourself. [puts Plankton in a jar of mustard]
My eye! This condiment is highly irritating to my eye!
Sandy
White knuckles, leaky pores, stomach in knots... Y-yep. He looks pretty bad. SpongeBob, you're afflicted with severe Oral Report-itis! You know, patients with this disease have been known to physically explode. KER-POW!!!
Sandy
It has been scientifically proven that 85% of speech related stress can be eliminated if the speaker imagines the audience in their underwear. Everyone will look so silly, you won't even remember you're nervous! Which is why I invented these: Goggles that let you see people in their undies. Or, I could just make you a fake boating license.
That's still illegal. Give me the goggles. [tries them on] It's not working.
Sandy
Well, of course it isn't, silly! I'm only wearing my undies. See if they work on Patrick.
[looks at Patrick and jumps] Eh. Yeah, they work.
What better way to spend an afternoon than trolling the sea vent for spare change. [Then something tugs on Mr. Krabs' magnet] Whooh! [Mr. Krabs pulls and a giant pile of sand hangs from his magnet] There's got to be a small fortune than discarded paperclips in there! [The sand falls, only to reveal a second magnet. He then gets upset] I knew this place looked familiar. [Startles in surprise] What's this? Goodness, that must be Sandy's treedome dwelling, and inside looks to be the largest soybean I have ever laid me eyestalks on. Now this bears getting a closer look. [He rings the door bell on Sandy's treedome and Sandy opens it in her air suit] Good afternoon, Miss Sandy.
Sandy
And good afternoon to you Mr. Krabs. What brings you out to this fine neck of the woods?
Well uh, I just happen to be in the neighborhood and was wondering if you could see you in clear and grace me with a comprehensive tour of your home sweet treedome. [chuckles] I hear the giant soybean is lovely this time of the year.
Sandy
Sure, lets get you fitted with a helmet.
Don't bother yourself. As long as I keep me ole lungs moist, I can breath your fancy air all day long.
Sandy
Come on in then. [they go inside the treedome]
Sandy
Alright, you rotten jelly clone! What have you done with SpongeBob?!
I'm no clone, Sandy! I am SpongeBob!
Sandy
Then you won't mind if I run a simple test. [she cracks her knuckles and she starts tickling him] Cootchie Cootchie coo! Cootchie cootchie cootchie coo!
No! No! Not the cootchie cootchie coo! [laughs] No, that's the tickle spot! [continues laughing]
Sandy
You're SpongeBob, alright...
[SpongeBob and Sandy both walk outside the dome whistling as they walk up to a Jellien Clone]
Sandy
Greetings, fellow clone. I hate mayonnaise.
I hate mayonnaise and mustard. [chuckles]
JFJellien Fred
[looks suspiciously at SpongeBob] Hmm... [SpongeBob and Sandy both walk off whistling] I like mustard!
♪Ohh... Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly little eyes on me! Fa la la la la la la la la lee! [sees a squirrel's treedome] And who is that I see? Underneath her Christmas tree?♪
SCSandy Cheeks
♪Oh, Christmas, oh, Christmas its sweet mystery. I'll mix a dash of Christmas cheer with a candy cane and deconstructed alchemy.♪
Sandy
Merry Christmas, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
