You know somethin'? [jumps off the bench and points at Cashina] You look like $1,000,000 when you smile. [Cashina giggles again; Mr. Krabs gets down onto one knee] Cashina, would you make this old crab's day... and allow me to take you to a place where you can buy me dinner? [smiles again]
CCashina
I'd love to... [her face becomes completely transparent as the rest of her darkens, revealing none other than Plankton inside, sitting on a chair and controlling Cashina by means of a lever, a control panel with buttons, a joystick, and a microphone on it, and a camera]
PPlankton
[puts his hand over the microphone] ...Scam you out of your secret formula, that is. [laughs evilly as Cashina's face reappears; she covers her mouth as Plankton's laugh only comes out as a small giggle]
[Mr. Krabs is ready to tell Cashina the formula, but he gets emotional and cries; a tear falls in Cashina's mouth, destroying her and revealing her as Plankton in disguise]
PPlankton
[Girl voice, changing to his own voice] Come on, Krabs, let it all out! Huh?
PPlankton
No, no, I'm not Plankton! I'm Cashina... your blushing bride! I.. uh... uh... Am I blushing?
[He is about to crush Plankton but is too heartbroken to do so]
PPlankton
You're not gonna crush me?
I've been alone for so long, and for the first time in forever, I felt for someone! Well, something. I mean, a pile of cash with lips? It was all too good to be true. Cashina may have not been real, but me feelings were, weren't they?
PPlankton
Get a hold of yourself, Krabs!
Plankton, are you saying it was all just a scheme to you?! And you felt nothing?!
PPlankton
You're crazy! I'm out of here, and one day, the formula will be mine! Mark it!
Looks like you sponges have everything covered.
MTMe Two
Mm-hmm! [suddenly turns pale]
Hey, you don't look so good. Can I take you home? Where do you live?
MTMe Two
I came from the Chum Bucket.
[realizing] The Chum Bucket?
PPlankton
♪I'm going to know the formula! I'm going to know the formula...♪
Plankton! [Plankton halts before him] Me Two says you made him in a copy machine, so that you could steal the secret formula!
PPlankton
Well, that's pattonly ridiculous!
You’ve gotta help him! I think he's sick or something.
MTMe Two
[scrunching up] I feel funnyyyy...
[Suddenly, Me Two rolls up like a paper roll in mid-air and disappears from existence]
ME TWO, ME TWO! Oh! What happened to him?!
PPlankton
I was afraid of that. I thought I'd save some money by using cheap toner.
PPlankton
It means my plan is ruined! All the SpongeBob copies will fade away now!
[shocked] Fade away...? All my brand new friends?! [crying] NOOO! THEY CAN'T!! [cries; runs inside and talks to a clone mopping] NO! DON'T DISAPPEAR!
[The clone also turns grey, scrunches and rolls up, and disappears like Me Two; SpongeBob cries harder]
PPlankton
[to a clone] Quickly, man! Before you fade, what's the formula?!
SCSpongeBob Copy
It's easy. You take one par -- Whoa! I don't feel so good... [turns grey, rolls up, disappears]
PPlankton
Wait, no! [to a clone carrying dishes] You, the formula?! [the clone also disappears; to a clone dusting a table] The formula?! [that clone disappears; to a clone at the register] The formula?! [he disappears; to a clone flipping patties] The formula?! [he disappears; a patty hits him] Ouch!
[He runs to several clones in the restaurant; SpongeBob keeps crying over losing his friends]
PPlankton
The formula, the formula, the formula?!
[They all disappear. Scene cuts to a bunch of other copies cleaning the roof, mowing the lawn, and some other things but they disappear. Then the scene cuts to Patrick playing with some of the copies but they disappear also.]
Life is but a walking shadow. Ha-lube-lube-lube-lube-lube... [Stopped because he gets hit by a lawnmower and gets split into 9 mini copies of himself. Scene transitions to Plankton running over to the final copy.]
PPlankton
What's the formula?! [Mr. Krabs enters.]
Well, I did it. I calculated 1 paycheck down into 300 separate tiny checks. Only one of you left? Here.
[The final clone disappears]
PPlankton
Geez, what a cheapskate.
[picks up a cookie, secretly given to him by Plankton, opens it, and starts reading the fortune] "Unless you give a tiny copepod the Krabby Patty secret formula, you will die?!"
PPlankton
[opera voice] Hello! [normal voice] Did someone say copepod?
[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs scream when they see who it is, and starts and they both run with fear to Mr. Krabs' office, where SpongeBob locks the door and Mr. Krabs puts a plank of wood in a holder in front of the door]
PPlankton
Just wanted to borrow a cup of grease, Eugene. I'll come back later, ciao!
[nervously speaking] J-just how true are these cookie fortunes, SpongeBob?
If the cookie says it's true, then it's true. Horribly, terribly, truthfully, true! [begins to cry]
"You will die." [the word "die" echoes in his head three times, leading to a vision of Mr. Krabs' funeral service]
[sobbing] Oh, I'll miss you, daddy! [continues sobbing then she takes his wallet] But I really can't wait to spend your hard-earned money on shoes! [laughs and runs away]
[wakes up in his coffin] Me money!
Mr. Krabs! No! [cries some tears and fills up Mr. Krabs' coffin, causing him to float out of the coffin and hits his head on the floor. The vision ends]
Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs, it's time. [SpongeBob's arm breaks off while holding on to Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs gets scared as SpongeBob appears on his other side] It's time to give up the secret formula to Plankton! [attaches his left arm back into his body] Because your life is worth more than some scrap of paper in a bottle.
You're right, me boy-o, [heads toward his safe] I've got to face me fortune. [takes the secret formula out of the safe]
PPlankton
I guess I didn't really think that through.
I figured the funeral fortune was phony, Plankton.
PPlankton
Oh, yeah?! What are you going to do about it, Eugene?
Nothing, Sheldon. [holds a fortune cookie] Here, have a fortune cookie. [gives Plankton the fortune cookie]
PPlankton
[opens fortune cookie and starts reading the fortune teller] Eh. "You will go on a long voyage where you will get everything you deserve." [gets picked up by Mr. Krabs] Hey!
[the ending follows to a Chinese restaurant where Plankton pops out of a fortune cookie and is avoiding the chopsticks.]
PPlankton
Ahh! Hey! [gets grabbed by the chopsticks] Ooh! Mommy! [a chomping noise is heard]
[Gary answers the door and sees Plankton in the disguise as a salesman. Plankton gently pets Gary, but Gary growls angrily at him]
PPlankton
Why, hey there, little fella! Is SpongeBob... [clears throat] I mean your master at home? [Plankton's fake ear slips, but he pushes it back] Eh, perhaps I could just come inside for a minute and demonstrate our fine snail products. [opens his case and shows snail care products] Shell polish, slime deodorant, chew toys...
Meow! [Gary slams the door on Plankton, breaking off part of his disguise]
[At the Chum Bucket, Plankton is working on The Analyzer]
Oh, Planky-bear? Plankton? [Plankton ignores her] Plankton!
PPlankton
What? What is it, Karen? Can't you see I'm working there! [points right close to the electronic components of The Analyzer]
Yes, but I wanted you to show you my new screensaver. [Shows a screensaver full of flying cake mixers] What do you think?
PPlankton
[sarcastically, not looking at her, and still building electrical components] Great.
[rolls towards Plankton] You didn't even look.
PPlankton
Ehh... [looks at Karen] No, I didn't! Can't you see I'm working on my new molecular analyzer? [The Analyzer starts picturing whatever Plankton says] Now all I need is the smallest molecule of a patty and the formula will be mine!
Just tell me if I should permanently upload the screensaver!
PPlankton
I said not now– [accidentally switches The Analyzer on and he gets sucked up by The Analyzer's tube] Oww-oww! [gets processed into the various machines. He gets smashed by a boot and flipped, dragged over by a robot hand to be wringed out by two other robotic hands. Liquid Plankton goes into another machine to be zapped and processed into binary dump. Plankton makes drowning noises as he is being processed into binary dump]
AThe Analyzer
Analyzing... 30% mean guy, 20% spiteful monster, 50% evil butt-head. Sample is... 100% big jerk. [pushes out Plankton, who is now back in his normal form] I have also analyzed your screensaver, Karen. It is most beautiful! [Rainbow appears on his screen]
PPlankton
No one asked you! [smashes the Analyzer with a wrench] Are you happy now, Karen?
No, I'm not. I was just trying to make myself pretty for you, but do you even care? All you ever do is make stupid schemes about stupid sandwiches!
PPlankton
Stupid? Your new screensaver is stupid and it makes your processor look fat!
[her screen becomes fire] What?????
PPlankton
Oops! Okay, let's all calm down before you say something you'll regret.
You know what? No one talks to me like that. Get out!
PPlankton
I will not get out! This is my restaurant, and no one can make me leave! [gets kicked out]
[picks up the patty with SpongeBob] Ah-ha! You're getting sloppy, Plankton. Squidward almost squashed ya. [laughs] Back to the bucket with ya! [opens the door]
No! No, Mr. Krabs! It's me! [gets kicked out and sent flying to the doors of the Chum Bucket] Whoa-ho! [lands safely on the floor]
[Karen scans SpongeBob]
Ooh! [giggles] That tickles.
Well, SpongeBob SquarePants, it looks like you lost a little weight.
Oh, hi, Karen. Where's Plankton?
[SpongeBob looks down and sees that he is sitting directly on Plankton]
PPlankton
SpongeBob? Why are you so small? Is this a trick?
Calm down. He's clean. I frisked him.
I didn't mean to get small like you, Plankton. It was a freak accident.
PPlankton
Huh? Who are you calling a freak?! Wait a second. [giggles and takes out a tape measure] Hold this. [measures SpongeBob while he holds the tape; gasps] You're not small like me, Shorty! I am a towering half-a-millimeter taller than you! [laughs evilly] I win! [laughs evilly]
Hooray! [lets go of the tape and Plankton gets himself tangled in it] I'll get that.
PPlankton
Don't touch that! [gets sliced up by the tape]
PPlankton
[falls into pieces] Get him outta here, Karen!
Way ahead of ya, Chief. [flicks SpongeBob out of the Chum Bucket and sends him flying into the windows of the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob slides down the window just as a purple kid comes by]
Plankton, have you been feeding Spot a lot of treats lately? [measures Spot with the measuring tape] He's looking bigger than usual.
PPlankton
Karen! Not in front of the amoeba. Spot is fit as a fiddle.
[Spot burps in Plankton's face]
All right, Doctor. If you say so.
PPlankton
Come on, I'll prove it.
[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Plankton at Patrick's house. Patrick is trying to decide what his wish will be]
I wish... I wish... I wish...
PPlankton
Pick something, you bozo!
Well, sometimes I wish I had an extra head so that I'd have someone to talk to when you're at work.
PPlankton
Pathetic. All right, your crummy wish is my command! Give me your hand, Jumbo. And the both of you, close your eyes. [Patrick holds up his left hand as he and SpongeBob close their eyes. Plankton draws a doodle on Patrick's hand with a marker, making him giggle] Alakazam!
[notices the doodle on his hand] Oh! My extra head! It's my wish come true! Oh, I'm gonna call you Noggin.
Oh, hello, Noggin. Nice to meet you.
Noggin, say hello to SpongeBob. [silence]
Noggin, you're embarrassing me. Say hello to SpongeBob.
PPlankton
Leaping lungfish, can we go now?
Yes, go! Noggin here needs to be taught a painful lesson.
[SpongeBob and Plankton leave as Patrick enters his house]
[sees an angry mob with police cars around Patrick's rock; deflatedly] Patrick, you gotta hide! There's an angry mob coming for you. They're here.
They done busted my dome!
OROld Ribeye
They wrecked me up!
They got pictures of me naked!
No one wants to see your moles.
Officer! [grabs Officer John and pushes him to Rube] That guy's camera took pictures of me Krabby Patty ingredients. And I want that film, before Plankton gets it!
[Officer John pushes Mr. Krabs aside and grabs Rube's camera. He opens it and sees Plankton already inside of it, but the camera itself appears to not have any film in it]
PPlankton
Way ahead of you, Krabs. But there's no film in this camera at all.
[Everyone looks at Rube in confusion]
Sorry for the misunderstandin', everybody, but I didn't take any pictures today. I don't even have a camera.
[The camera disappears, with Plankton falling to the ground which surprises everyone]
EEveryone
[shocked] Huh?!
In fact... [waves his arms as his voice fades] I'm not even here. [disappears completely and everyone gasps in a shocking surprise]
[nervously] Um...uh... [waves his hands in the air; it turns out that Rube was nothing more than an illusion] And we're backing away, and backing away, and backing away!
[Everyone backs away in fear and runs off. The screen fades back into "The Tidal Zone"]
You see? I told you. Things always get weird in "The Tidal Zone." [cackling]
[appears in "The Tidal Zone" and takes pictures] Amazing! [floats away as the episode comes to an end]
PPlankton
SpongeBob, what are you doing? How are the customers supposed to get in now?
Those aren't customers out there, Plankton. They're all Krabby Patty zombie monsters! And they're forcing everybody to eat them! You and I are the last two survivors!
PPlankton
Krabby Patty zombies? Heh. I'll believe it when I see it. [Suddenly, the Krabby Patty zombie break through the boards and they gather around the Chum Bucket] Okay, I believe it!
[A bus pulls over at the Krusty Krab, now the Krusty Plankton. Lily Plankton comes out and meets up with Plankton and Karen.]
PPlankton
Hi, Grandma. Happy birthday.
Nice to see you again, Grandma Plankton.
LPLily Plankton
[lifts her glasses] Ugh. Who invited C-Pee-Eww? [laughs]
[feels rejected] All right, I tried. [she leaves angrily, running Plankton over]
PPlankton
Owuh! [unsticks his squished body from the road] Let me help you with your bag, Grandma. [gets smacked in the face by Lily's purse] Ouch! [escorts his grandmother into the restaurant] Well, here we are, Grandma. Welcome to the Krusty Plankton. I named it after you.
LPLily Plankton
[pinches Plankton's cheek] Oh, well, aren't you a sweet grandson? [sees SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs] Who are they?
PPlankton
They're just my employees, Grandma. Meet SpongeBob and Eugene.
SKSpongeBob and Mr. Krabs
Hello, Grandma Plankton.
LPLily Plankton
They look like very nice boys, and I'll bet they're even nicer when they're working.
PPlankton
You heard Grandma! We ain't running a welcome wagon here! Get back to work!
[SpongeBob runs back and forth until he jumps back into the kitchen.]
[chuckles] Yeah, sure thing, Plankton. [laughs until Plankton pushes a bucket of cleaning supplies onto Mr. Krabs, making him fall flat on his face on the floor]
PPlankton
[pokes Mr. Krabs' eye] That's Mr. Plankton to you, busboy.
[Mr. Krabs is bathing in a tub of money in the restaurant. SpongeBob and Sandy enter the restaurant and sulk over to Mr. Krabs]
Oh, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs gasps and hides in the tub] I got all the secret ingredients on your list, but Plankton stole them all! I made the apocalypse! [cries a fountain of tears and spray them all over the restaurant, which hits Mr. Krabs]
[Sandy gets drenched on by the tears and activates the windshield wipers on her helmet]
[plugs SpongeBob's mouth with a cork] Now, now, son. You didn't make the apocalypse. I couldn't afford to have Plankton following me while I was getting the real ingredients at the Barg'N-Mart, could I? [pushes the button on the table Fred is eating on and it flips over showing a shopping cart containing the real Krabby Patty ingredients]
So, my list was a fake? So, no apocalypse?
I saved the world! [laughs and dances around the restaurant while Sandy glares angrily at Mr. Krabs] No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse!
[rolls up her sleeves] You mean you sent my best friend on a dangerous wild goose chase just so you could go shopping?! [backs Mr. Krabs into his office] Excuse us, SpongeBob. [closes the door while wearing her karate glove] This is for my tail!
Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs really hard. Mr. Krabs ends up crashing into the door, buttocks first] This is for almost getting us killed!
Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs really hard again. This time, head first at the door, and comes out with a bag of money as compensation for Sandy's submarine] And this is for my submarine, Matilda! [Mr. Krabs comes out and is completely beaten up. She kicks the plank Mr. Krabs is standing on] Hi-yah! Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs and sends him flying through the roof]
Well, I guess I had that coming.
[Meanwhile, at the Chum Bucket, Plankton is fixing up a batch of Krabby Patties with the fake ingredients]
PPlankton
Can you believe it, Karen? After all these years, the secret ingredients are finally here! And the final ingredient: ghost dandruff! [pulls out a bucket of ghost dandruff from the bag]
[backs away] I wouldn't add that last one...
PPlankton
[adds ghost dandruff to the batch] Ha, ha! I can't wait to see the look on Krabs' face! [stirs the fake ingredients all together. Then all of a sudden, the Chum Bucket explodes and sends Plankton flying in the sky. He screams until he sees Mr. Krabs] Krabs?
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
