Plankton quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

[crying] What's the point of going on? I'll just be tortured for the rest of my life by that whale! [lies down] That's it. I'm done. The 4:15 bus should be along any time now.

SpongeBob

Hi, Plankton. What are you doing laying in the middle of the road?

Go away, Cheese head! Can't you see I'm trying to get run over?! In fact, better yet, just step on me as hard as you can. Would you do that for me?

SpongeBob

I'm sorry, Plankton, but that flies in the face of my good nature.

Forget it, kid. I'll just wait for the next bus. Go on back to the Krusty Krab and enjoy yourself.

SpongeBob

[bangs on the door] Plankton!

[opens the door and comes out] What?

SpongeBob

Sandy's in trouble. I need help rescuing her.

[gets some dynamite with a timer on it] I'm kind of busy right now.

SpongeBob

[about the bomb] Jeepers, it'll only take a minute.

Yeah, uh, I'd love to help, but I really got to go. [picks up the dynamite and carries it towards the Krusty Krab, and the dynamite blows up before Plankton gets to the Krusty Krab] Ouch.

SpongeBob

Okay everyone, say goodbye to the worst thing that's happened to this town since 97 cent stores.

Yeah! [SpongeBob tries to break the highway with the tractor, but it just stopped]

Good effort, Spongedope, but you can't tear up my highway, it's indestructible!

Not if we have anything to do with it!

SpongeBob

Larry Lobster!

That's right, pal, but that's not all. [Sandy walks out from the crowd, waving]

SpongeBob

Sandy Squirrel! [Mrs. Puff walks out of the crowd] Mrs. Puff! [Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy both walk out from the crowd] Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy! [Patrick walks walk out from the crowd] Patrick!

Patrick

Su-Su-Su-Su!

SpongeBob

And Squidward! [Squidward doesn't walk out from the crowd]

Nope, that's everybody!

Push! [He, Patrick, Mrs. Puff, Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy and Sandy push] Harder! [They push harder]

SpongeBob

Harder still!

You heard the little square guy, yeah! [Everybody lines up behind the tractor and pushes it]

Wait! I didn't count on all of you working together! [Everybody pushes hard enough that the highway breaks!] My highway! Stop! YOU CAN'T! [Plankton gets crushed by the tractor!]

YEAH! [The arch over the Krusty Krab breaks down in a pile of dust and the smog clears]

Praise Neptune.

SpongeBob

[Singing] Jelly lelly lelly jelly, jelly lelly lelly jelly, it's the jellyfishing song!

Clap!

SpongeBob

Jelly lelly lelly jelly, jelly lelly lelly jelly, everyone sing along!

Clap!

[Singing] Jelly lelly lelly jelly, jelly lelly lelly jelly, it's the jellyfishing song!

Clap!

Jelly lelly lelly jelly, jelly lelly lelly jelly everyone sing! [The camera zooms out and we cut to the Jellyfish Fields ranger]

[bored voice] Everyone sing along. [switches the "closed" sign to "open," and then walks away]

What? You mean all this was one of your goofball schemes?

Now, now, Krabs, SpongeBob has taught us important life lessons, such as, oh, how to fall out of an airplane for instance.

Yeah, and how to comically bludgeon myself.

In fact, I think it's time we repay him, don't you?

Great idea, pal. [clenches fists together. Plankton does the same] We'll teach you about teamwork. [hops on top of Plankton who carries him. SpongeBob runs away screaming] Get back here! [Plankton chases SpongeBob while carrying Mr. Krabs]

We should do this more often, Krabs.

SpongeBob

Hi, Plankton!

Hey, SpongeBob, want to hear a sad story? [jumps onto lunchbox]

SpongeBob

No, not particularly.

Once upon a time, there was a yellow doofus who loved to drink milk with his lunch. But unfortunately for said doofus, his milk was tragically spilt. The end. [knocks the milk over]

SpongeBob

[starts to cry] Sad story! And so timely! [cries uncontrollably, Plankton catches his tears in a bag]

Get a grip!

SpongeBob

Well, I guess Plankton's right. Good thing I always bring backup milk! [opens his face like a fridge and pulls out another carton of milk]

SpongeBob

[calling on loudspeaker] Krabby Patties, brand new Krabby Patty recipe, all new, all different, all delicious, try them for free!

You can't be serious.

[sighs] I'm so hungry, I don't care, I gotta eat something.

No! Wait!

[touches her shoulder] Let him go, it's too late.

SpongeBob

All new free Krabby Patties!

Hey, buddy, I'll try one. What have I got to lose? [everyone gasps as Frank eats half of the Krabby Patty] Dear Neptune Gill Sacks, this is the best thing I every put in my mouth! Yay! [Frank's shirt turns pink, then goes back to normal]

Did he just say it was good?

[finishes the other half of the Krabby Patty] Woohoo! [Frank dances]

Wow, Frank never dances, it must be good!

I'm getting something this amazing for free! How much will this buy? [Henry-Bart throws money on SpongeBob]

Yum yum! Yum yum yum yum! Yum yuuuum! [goes like a rocket; to SpongeBob] Hey you, patty boy, take my wallet, I gotta have more! [Frank goes in the stand and takes two Krabby Patties]

[their heads turn into arms and give a high-five] Now that's what I'm talking about! [their heads turn back to normal, they get a briefcase from their pockets]

Here's our life savings! Just give us more Krabby Patties! [Nat and Nazz dump the money on SpongeBob]

Don't worry, Karen, I'll be home before lunch time. My mission here is accomplished. [laughs, and then a dollar bill lands on Plankton] Ooh. What the... huh?! [gasps]

SpongeBob

It's working!

[to the customers] No, wait! What's going on? You hate Krabby Patties, remember?

Wowee, this thing is right tasty.

[a dump truck prepares to dump money] Uh-oh. [the money lands on Plankton]

[while running towards the mountain of money] Money, money, money, money, money, money! [Mr. Krabs jumps on the money and laughs]

SpongeBob

We did it, Mr. Krabs! We saved the Krusty Krab! All I did was sell the same old Krabby Patties, and call them new!

Do you mind? I'm trying to make a money angel here.

SpongeBob

Ooh, money angels! Can I make one?

Sure thing, SpongeBob. Hop in!

Did you hear that?

SpongeBob

Hear what?

Hm. Good point. [Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob continue laughing as the episode ends]

SpongeBob

[sings as he walks through the city] Going to work, going to work, I'm going to work! I'm going to work, I'm going to work, [spins arms around] I'm going to work! [twirls] I'm going to work. I'm going to work, going to work, go-going to work. I'm crossing the street! [does so] Crossing the street! I'm crossing the street! Crossing the... [stops] Wha...? [hears Plankton sobbing] I'd recognize that sound anywhere! It's the sound of horrible, croaking sobbing! [runs over to a dark alley]

[tearfully] Oh, Neptune! Why, oh why?!

SpongeBob

Plankton?

No, please! I told you I'd get the money! Please, I- [stops suddenly and realizes SpongeBob is standing right behind him.] Oh, it's you.

SpongeBob

Plankton, what's got you so upset? I can hear you from three blocks away!

Oh, that. It's this doomsday device I invented. [holds up his doomsday device] It just doesn't do what it's supposed to do!

SpongeBob

Doomsday device? What's it supposed to do?

Well, it's supposed to upset the Earth's axis. Causing a chain reaction with typhoons, earthquakes, etc.

SpongeBob

So, what does it do instead?

It just sparks and falls apart.

Can we please steal the secret formula now? Pretty please, Man Ray?

I MUST HAVE MORE! [starts to pound on the table] Bring me more Krabby Patties! Bring more Krabby Patties! [shoots roof with laser gun]

SpongeBob

[he and Squidward are scared by his acts before SpongeBob stands in front] Stand aside, Squidward. I'm gonna be my own hero. [slides into the kitchen, and runs out to Man Ray with hundreds of Krabby Patties] Thank you, sir! Enjoy your meal.

At last! [starts to eat the Krabby Patties]

Alright, fine! I'll just steal the secret formula myself! [grabs Man Ray's laser gun] Oh, and Man Ray, this friendship is OVER! [Man Ray burps, which causes Plankton to drop the gun]

[is now obese after eating too much Krabby Patties. He holds one last uneaten Krabby Patty] No... no... no more... can't... eat... [drops the last Patty] another... [chair breaks, and Man Ray falls on the floor]

Mermaid Man

[he and Barnacle Boy walk through the burnt-down door] There he is! [they cuff Man Ray] Alright, Man Ray, lunch time's over!

[surprised] WHAT?! How did you two know I was here?

Barnacle Boy

A little sponge told us. [they pull Man Ray away]

This wasn't supposed to happen...

[rolls out a very long bill] Here you go, Plankton.

What's this?

It's the bill. For your partner. [he, SpongeBob, and Squidward laugh as the episode ends]

Oohh! Just act like another fancy customer.

SpongeBob

Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs covers SpongeBob mouth]

Shh! [stammering] What's gotten into you? Highfalutin customers don't bark at the top of their lungs like a seadog.

SpongeBob

Oops, uh... I mean, I fancy a bit of the old chum. Indeed I do, Squire.

Good evening, Madam. Table for two, please?

Karen

Your name?

I be Eugene....er.... I mean, uh, [looks at the used ketchup wrapper on the floor] Sir Krumple O'Wrapper. Uh, that's me name. Don't wear it out.

Karen

Alright, let's pull up your reservation. [looks through the reservation sheet] Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. I'm not showing any "O'Wrapper."

Reservation? In this sinkhole?!

Karen

There's a two-year wait for a table.

Squidward

[walks over to Karen; annoyed] What's seems to be the problem? [much to his surprise, he notices Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob on their mustache disguises and doesn't buy it] Well, well, well, [blows Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob's disguises off their faces with a fan] if it isn't Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob. Now just follow me. I believe I have a table reserved just for you. [the 'table' that Squidward 'reserved' for Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob turns out to be a toilet. It turns out that Squidward just wanted to get his revenge on Mr. Krabs for not valuing him and SpongeBob for all those times he annoyed him. Squidward puts a tablecloth on the toilet] Bon Appetit, Suckers! [laughs at them as he walks away. Soon, everyone joins in the humiliation by laughing at Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob as they leave the restaurant in sadness and humiliation] See you in two years! [laughs and scoffs at them]

Yeah, see how you like it, Krabs! [laughs along with Squidward as Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob leave]

Squidward

Here you go, folks. Enjoy my world famous Fricassee. [All of a sudden, someone bursts through the front door which turns out to be Squidward's grandmother and she's not very happy] Grandma!?

[enters the restaurant and corners her grandson by the kitchen doors] Someone's been cooking my recipe, [sniffs] and they're doing it wrong!

Squidward

What are you doing here?

Saving my recipe from my bumbling grandson. [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker]

Squidward

Ow! I didn't do it! Uh, uh, it was him! [points to Plankton]

What?! Oh, you're not pinning this on me! You said you didn't care if it was ready or not!

Squidward

[fearfully] Ok, I admit it! I admit it! But—but—but what's the big deal? [Grandma Tentacles crushes his foot with her walker for second time] Ow!

The big deal is when the chum is not cooked for exactly 24 hours, it causes severe tummy trouble.

You fed us undercooked chum?!

Tear him apart, people! [The fancy customers form a mob and start to attack Squidward and Plankton. They do an uproar, following what his grandmother says.]

Fred

I've had it, and I'm not gonna take it anymore! [Fred picks up a trash can, then throws it on a table. Other customers throw their chum meals on the ground and on the wall of the Chum Bucket. Another customer rips apart of an awning. Frank grabs a napkin holder, throwing napkins on the floor. Plankton pops up near the napkins.]

Not the napkins! [Frank doesn't listen to Plankton.]

[An axe chops Squidward's picture in half.] He got what he deserves, that's what I say! [Else where in the exterior of Le Chum Bucket, it bursts into flames caused by the mob. As the restaurant is on fire, the customers run out of the bucket building.] It's on fire! It's all burning! Run! [the fire incinerates the restaurant, leaving only Plankton and Squidward standing with charred faces]

My restaurant! [begins crying]

Squidward

My fan base! [Squidward also starts sobbing]

I hope you learned your lesson, genius. [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker for third time as a punishment for his selfishness and wrongful acts]

Squidward

Ow! [cries along with Plankton in despair]

SpongeBob

[cuts to the Krusty Krab] Gee, Mr. Krabs. It sure was nice of you to hire Squidward back. Especially since he tried to destroy your business and all.

I figure it's the least I can do for him. After causing all that mayhem over at the Chum Bucket, in fact, I promoted him. He's our new doormat!

Squidward

No! [laying on the floor like a doormat as punishment for their humiliation] Living the dream! [Moaning and groaning, some customers who destroyed the Chum Bucket wipe their feet on Squidward and the episode ends.]

[sad] It's time. [goes outside on the street and waits for the truck to stop in front of him]

[puts one of the bulldozer's windows down] So, who's getting bulldozed today?

[with the clipboard] Oh, not me, your bureaucraticness. I completed my petition. [Mr. Krabs is worried]

The people have spoken. Step aside, Mr. Krabs. [Part of the bulldozer smokes fire out.]

But... but... [as he backs up, the bulldozer follows him, towards the Krusty Krab.; angry] No! I'm not going anywhere!

Please comply, Mr. Krabs. It'll be quick and painless.

If you wanna bulldoze me restaurant, [locks himself up] it's gonna be long and painful!

SpongeBob

[is seen at the top of the restaurant, also locked up; angry] Stand your ground, Mr. Krabs! We are right behind you, right, Squidward? [the lock is empty] Squidward?

[moves his bulldozer closer to the restaurant] Okay, now this is really your last chance.

[still angry] I'm never leaving the Krusty Krab!

Fine. Have it your way. [pushes a lever]

[chuckles evilly, while setting up himself a movie theater seat, then sits on it] Bring it on! Bring the destruction! [munches on popcorn]

[part of the bulldozer smokes more fire out, and the bulldozer starts to move even closer to the restaurant.; sad] Goodbye, Krusty Krab! [As he closes his eyes, the bulldozer begins to push into the restaurant, but only moves it 1 foot then stops; confused] Eh?

Thank you for your cooperation.

[spits the popcorn out, angry] What?! Excuse me, sir, but, uh... [stands on the seat] you forgot to level the place!

[confused] Uhh... yeah.

Demolition is outside of my purview. I simply ensure that restaurants comply with the 100 foot ordinance. [measures the distance with a tape measure and says the 1 foot on it] That's 1 more foot. Perfect! [walks away from the restaurant]

[jumping on the seat, still angry] But that's not fair! [slips inside and the seat closes on him]

SpongeBob

So you're not gonna destroy the Krusty Krab?

No, I--

SpongeBob

[jumps inside the bulldozer, hugging the state officer] Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! [as the state officer accidentally pulls the lever, the truck goes backwards. He and SpongeBob look out the window and are in shock as they are heading towards the Chum Bucket] Oh, dear. [the bulldozer crashes through the Chum Bucket, destroying it]

[Meanwhile, he's free from the seat after struggling to.; still angry] Come on! Let's do this! I wanna see some destruction! [as he gasps, he finally sees the destroyed Chum Bucket] I think I've seen enough. [goes back inside the seat as the episode ends]

♪Oh, Santa, Santa, Santa has his eye on me. He's seen everything I've done. Every plot, plan, and scheme. It's just a bit of fun. Santa has his eye on me. Every naughty deed is written in his scroll. So every Christmas morning, I get a stocking full of coal!♪ [Dumps out coal from his stocking]

Maybe you'd get a real present from Santa if you weren't the biggest jerk in Bikini Bottom.

I'm way ahead of you, Karen! [Periodic Table lowers from ceiling. Plankton walks over to it and sticks a piece of notepad paper on it. The paper says Jt for Jerktonium] There is one element in the known universe that can turn even the nicest sap into the biggest jerk they can be! And I, Plankton have discovered it. Behold! [Plankton pulls a lever] Jerktonium! [A piece of Jerktonium contained in a glass capsule lowers from the ceiling] I'll give everyone in Bikini Bottom a present of the most innocent of all holiday goodies. The fruitcake! [picture of a fruitcake appears on screen while he says the fruitcake] And each and every slice will be laced with Jerktonium! Once ingested, no one can help becoming the biggest, creepiest, meanest jerk ever! Then Santa will realize that Sheldon J. Plankton isn't so bad after all! And then I'll finally get what I really want for Christmas, the Krabby Patty secret formula! [Plankton jumps on an oven and holds the fruitcake] And now for the main ingredient, Jerktonium! Okay, Jerktonium, do your stuff! It's complete! [Laughs] Ha ha! The Jerkmaker 9000 will make doling out tainted fruitcake a breeze! Now, who's gonna be my first victim?

SpongeBob

Hey, Plankton! What've you got there? [Gasps] Hey! Is that a fruitcake dispenser? You don't suppose I could have a piece, do ya?

SpongeBob

Psst! Hey, Sheldon!

SpongeBob?! What in the sea shell are you doing here?!

SpongeBob

Mr. Krabs arranged for me to work here on weekends. He wants me to keep an eye on you!

Excuse me. Doesn't this count as "cruel and unusual punishment"?

Pipe down, pipsqueak!

SpongeBob

[takes out a toy baton] Look! They even gave me a training baton! [keeps tapping Plankton with it]

SpongeBob, before we're torn to shreds, I'd like to thank you for helping me look for Spot.

SpongeBob

Aw, it was nothing. Hey, speaking of Spots. Did yo always have a double pupil?

A double what? [pulls Spot off eye] Spot! [dramatic music plays in the background] Thank entropy you're safe! You were hiding on my optical cornea the whole time! You sneaky little amoeba, you.

SpongeBob

Aw, I'm glad you found Spot. [animals shrieking] Unfortunately, the animals found us too.

Good-bye, Spot. I guess this is the end of the road for us.

Spot, no!

SpongeBob

Wow, Spot! You saved us!

I taught him everything he knows!

SpongeBob

[in slow motion, he runs to Simmy] Simmy, look out! There's a candied pen heading straight for your eye due to my act of swatting it away without first considering the trajectory! Oh, I wish I could give my words out faster, but everything's in slow motion! [The pen is about to hit Simmy] NO! [However, instead of hitting Simmy, it went through the robot. The pen lands on the ground and rolls to a projector. SpongeBob bangs on the projector, revealing that Simmy and Tally was just a trash can and a ball wash post] Simmy and Tally are holograms? Then that means... [The projector reveals that the world's most exciting roller coaster was actually a rotting corpse of a sea monster]

Squidward

I was riding that? What about those delicacies I was eating?

Whew! That was a clo... [The projector reveals that the stuffed walruses were actually fish skeletons. Mr. Krabs screams in terror and the skeletons crumble to dust] You saved me, boy. How did you do it?

SpongeBob

I guess my mind was all sharp from the relaxing fun I had at your company picnic, Mr. Krabs.

[walks up to them] Unbelievable! [Mr. Krabs picks Plankton up] Uh-oh. [Mr. Krabs puts Plankton on the disk-shaped paper with mustard and throws him out in the distance. Once it landed, there was an explosion]

SpongeBob

[jumps up as a rainbow appears and jellyfish fly around] The greatest company picnic ever!

Alright, enough relaxing. Back to work! [laughs as he leaves]