I know you're in here, Plankton. Where are you hiding?
PPlankton
[off-screen] I'm right here... [Mr. Krabs jumps out and sees the television on] at the Chum Bucket! Come on down and try our new Chum Nuggets.
Heh. [turns off the television] Whew. [sees Plankton's shadow and gasps; he hides behind a pole; he looks and sees that is was only a cup with two straws] Oh. [chuckles] Just a—just a cup. [hallucinates when he sees the cup transform into Plankton. Plankton laughs evilly and Mr. Krabs becomes scared. Everywhere he looks, he sees everything transform into various images of Plankton, laughing evilly at Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs runs to escape, but no matter how he attempts to escape, all of the images of Plankton keep following him while laughing evilly. Mr. Krabs crawls into a hole, which turns into Plankton's eyeball and reveals a red demonic version of Plankton holding the secret formula while laughing evilly. Back in reality, Mr. Krabs is completely losing himself and screams. He runs to the bathroom and goes to wash his face at the sink. He washes his face] Get ahold of yourself. Get ahold of yourself. [turns off the faucet and sighs] I'm starting to see things. [laughs. He hallucinates again as he is seeing his eyestalks transform into Plankton. He screams and gibbers. He runs up the pole with the formula and pops out from the ceiling]
PPlankton
Oh, no. Your nodes are swollen. That old bucket of bolts gave you a computer virus.
Oh, nonsense. I'm the fastest computer alive. [stammers as she short-circuits and goes haywire]
[Karen rams into the wall]
Uh-oh. [laughs] My ones and zeroes look like 10, 10, 10, 10.
[SpongeBob laughs as the cart falls through the floor. The Flying Dutchman leans over to hear. SpongeBob's laughter hits him hard again]
How can he still be laughing? I've never been so humiliated. I got to do something here.
Boy, Patrick, I wish all our friends could be here. They'd love this place! [laughs]
Friends! He's got friends. That's it! I know how to scare this guy. [laughs evilly as he unleashes his ghostly mist down from his ship into Bikini Bottom]
[gives candy to several trick-or-treaters] Happy Halloween! [the ghostly mist surrounds her and takes her soul from her body] What in Fort Worth...?
[Several trick-or-treaters run up to Mr. Krabs and Squidward, who are handing out candy]
TOTrick-Or-Treaters
Trick or treat!
[Suddenly, the Flying Dutchman's ghostly mist surrounds them and takes their souls from their bodies]
[The souls of Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward are being lifted in the air by the ghostly mist]
[The trick-or-treaters laugh and throw eggs and toilet paper at Squidward and Mr. Krabs' motionless bodies. Mr. Krabs growls in anger. Back inside the Flying Dutchman's ship, SpongeBob and Patrick are still riding the cart. Patrick is still afraid while SpongeBob continues to laugh, still thinking it's funny. SpongeBob stops laughing and sighs]
[her soul is in one of the Flying Dutchman's cages] SpongeBob! Patrick! Help me!!!
[laughs] That almost looks like Sandy! [laughs]
[his and Plankton's souls are in two of the Flying Dutchman's cages] SpongeBob!
[his soul and Gary's are in two other cages] Help us!!!
[laughs] That almost looked like Mr. Krabs and Squidward and Gary and Plankton! [giggles] Funny! Oh, Patrick, this is hysterical! [laughs] Why aren't you laughing? [giggles until he notices Patrick's motionless body] Patrick, what's wrong with you?
[his soul suddenly appears in one of the Flying Dutchman's cages] Help me, SpongeBob! My body's butt itches!
Patrick, is this really happening? Hey, this isn't funny.
I was wrong, SpongeBob. Sometimes, scary equals scary!
[screams at Patrick's motionless body] Hm? [pulls out his chalkboard, erases the word "funny," and replaces it with "AHHH!"] Yup. I got the same answer. Scary equals "AHHHHH!!!".
Success! I knew that would get him!
[SpongeBob is finally convinced that scary doesn't equal funny at all and screams in terror. His skeleton tears itself out of his body and runs off. SpongeBob's skin and skeleton run out of the ship. SpongeBob's skeleton and skin fall to the ground and attempt to run]
SSSpongeBob's Skeleton
That's the scariest thing I ever saw in my life!
SSSpongeBob's Skin
Me too! But we gotta go back.
SSSpongeBob's Skeleton
Go back?! Are you nuts?!
SSSpongeBob's Skin
Show a little backbone! We gotta save our friends!
SSSpongeBob's Skeleton
Oh, you're right, but I'm still scared. Will you hold my hand?
SSSpongeBob's Skin
Deal! [they both go back together and SpongeBob heads back to rescue his friends]
PPrisoners
Morning, Warden Krabs!
Morning, prisoners! [gasps in horror as he sees the prisoners back in their cells] SpongeBob! What is going on here? I set all these criminals free last night! What are they doing back in their cells?!
Uh, Mr. Krabs, now's probably not the best time to— [Mr. Krabs shrinks back in fear]
[sits at a table eating her Krabby Patty] You know it's a crime to release prisoners early, don't ya? [eats her patty and approaches Mr. Krabs who realizes his error] You're going to prison, criminal. [handcuffs Mr. Krabs]
What? Oh, well, that's not so bad. Pencil me in for a 3:30 massage, SpongeBob.
[takes Mr. Krabs away] Oh, you're not staying here. The Krusty Krab is full. We got a new prison just for you.
[sadly] Oh no. Let me guess... [The scene changes to the Chum Bucket where Mr. Krabs is wearing his prison outfit and is placed in the same birdcage he used for Plankton. Mr. Krabs groans sadly]
PPlankton
Mealtime, prisoner! [laughs while throwing spoonfuls of raw chum in Mr. Krabs' face in an act of revenge for the all the painful torture he endured; Mr. Krabs cries in an agonizing defeat right before Plankton throws some chum into his mouth] Right in the mouth.
Welcome, sea chimps. I'm SpongeBob, your owner.
SCSea chimp king
Forget it, man. We're through with owners, and kings, and aquariums. Whoa! Now that looks like a swell place to live.
[All the sea chimps run into the Chum Bucket. Karen comes out with banana peels all over her monitor.]
[screams] Plankton! Abandon bucket!
PPlankton
Well, that's a write off. [takes out a remote and pushes a button]
[The button activates the Chum Bucket's hand. The hand picks up the restaurant and spins it around and around. The hand throws the restaurant out into the distance with the sea chimps still inside.]
Bye, sea chimps! Have a good flight! It was so nice of you to help relocate the sea chimps, Plankton. You rule!
PPlankton
Not today, SpongeBob. Not today. [takes out his crown] But... someday! [puts it on and cackles evilly before Patrick swallows him and burps out the crown, as the episode transitions out]
Well, if it isn't my thieving husband. So did you bring me the— [sees Plankton's mouth full of hair; she picks it up and removes the hair from Plankton's mouth] Hair? [takes a sample of hair and throws the rest away] I only needed one.
PPlankton
Hee-hee-hee! You married a genius, Karen. Using the DNA of Krabs' hair and my own DNA from my antennae— [his right antenna gets snipped off by Karen] Ouch! [his antenna is placed in the machine] I will create a combo-clone of me and Krabs to finally steal the secret formula! [pulls up the lever and cackles]
[The machine turns itself on and fuses the hair sample and antenna sample together. The cloning machine turns on and creates a single being with Mr. Krabs' and Plankton's DNA together. The being turns into a blob and the machine turns off.]
PPlankton
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Behold PlanKrab! [The machine opens the door and the being steps out]
[The smoke clears to reveal the being. It appears to be a clone with Mr. Krabs' body and Plankton's head.]
PPlanKrab
Arr-arr-arr-arr-arr!
How is this a good thing?
PPlankton
Wake up, Karen! The Plankton side will know everything the Krabs side knows! It'll be easier than taking candy from a baby.
Mm, and we know how successful that was. [turns on the screen to show Plankton trying to steal a lollipop from a baby, but ends up getting sucked on]
PPlankton
This is different! Isn't it, PlanKrab, my pretty? Now, here's my plan.
PPlanKrab
Don't waste your breath, Plankteron. I already mapped out the perfect plot to swipe that formuler-ererer! [gives Plankton a high-five before leaving for the Krusty Krab]
PPlankton
Great! See you soon, P.K.! [sighs] I love that guy. Well, half of him anyway. [laughs until he coughs] Still got a hair in there.
It's Chip. [shows the word "chip" on her screen, then shows an old computer chip] He's named after my grandfather.
[Chip starts to cry.]
PPlankton
[groans] Great, here we go with the crying! Will you please hush that thing up?!
[Karen taps on Chip's buttons and Plankton groans angrily. Suddenly, Chip stops crying.]
There you go. All better.
PPlankton
Wow, how did you do that so fast?
Simple, I just typed 4-4-4-5 in his cute little keyboard.
PPlankton
I don't get it.
[turns Chip upside-down and the numbers show the word, "Shhh" on it.] Shhh.
PPlankton
[groans and continues his work]
So, how was your talk with Chip?
PPlankton
Oh, it went great. He's a good boy.
Yeah, he wh— [notices Chip is missing] Where—where is he?
PPlankton
Oh, he ran away.
WHAT?! Why would my baby run away?
PPlankton
Because I told him to. [He rolls his eye] Duh.
[Karen screams in an uncontrollable rage. Her hands gather up green electricity and form into a green rolling pin and a green frying pan. Plankton screams in terror as Karen goes to hurt him. Karen throws the green rolling pin at Plankton, which turns into an electric trident and pins him to the wall.]
PPlankton
Karen, baby, let's be reasonable here!
[picks up the trident holding Plankton] You find our son and bring him home this instant or don't bother coming home! [her green frying pan turns into a spiked glove]
PPlankton
[screams as Karen flings him out of the Chum Bucket] I'm going! I'm going!
[Scene cuts to Larry's Gym, where Mr. Krabs arm-wrestles and defeats other tough fish like Reg and the Popeye fish. Plankton hops onto the table, in front of Mr. Krabs.]
PPlankton
I want a rematch, Krabs!
[dismisses Plankton] Boring. [shrugs] But whatevs.
PPlankton
[pretends to be in pain, clutching his hand] Oh no, not a hand cramp! Not now! [smugly] Luckily I have a last-minute substitution, standing by. [takes a deep breath and blows a whistle]
[The ground rumbles and the Chum Bucket glove punches a hole into Larry's Gym. The glove then flicks the tough fish away with his fingers and makes its way to the wrestling table, about to wrestle with Mr. Krabs. Scene cuts to Larry the Lobster holding the mallet to ring the bell, but he faints onto the bell causing it to ring. The match between Mr. Krabs and the glove begins, and he struggles to defeat the glove.]
[groaning in pain] Eeeh – oh, oh – oh — [Plankton is seen with an evil grin on his face, while Mr. Krabs continues to struggle] Any... last... words?
PPlankton
[blows the whistle and the glove hoists Mr. Krabs up in the air] Just one... Sucker! [laughs maniacally while Mr. Krabs trembles in fear]
[The glove spins Mr. Krabs in the air and whacks him on the floor, causing a hole to form.]
[regains consciousness] Huh –? [shadow forms above him] No, no, no, no, no, no —
[The other tough fish fall above Mr. Krabs as the glove gathers them all into the hole on the floor. Plankton hops on top of the glove.]
PPlankton
[raises arms in victory] Ta-daah! Let's give a big hand to the new champion! [applauds; then takes a deep breath and blows the whistle] Okay, move it, filthy fingers! [rides glove like a horse straight to the Krusty Krab]
[Plankton floats into Squidward's bed and possesses it like a puppet. The bed turns green and the box spring turns into Plankton's head. Plankton's eye appears about Squidward. Plankton shakes the bed and chuckles evilly as Squidward begins to wake up.]
[screams] Who's there? Ohh, is that you, SpongeBob? [gets up and gets drenched on by green ectoplasm]
[Squidward removes his blindfold and becomes freaked out by the ectoplasm. Suddenly, the box spring forms into a giant mouth and makes an evil laugh. Squidward becomes so scared that his skin turned white. He tries to escape, but Plankton pulled him under the covers. Squidward releases himself from the covers and hides in the drawers.]
[writing down on his clipboard] Oooh. Monster mouth with a bucket of ghost goo—very good marks. [chuckles] Nice haunt, swabby!
[comes out of the drawer with his clarinet and pants heavily] Oh, what a terrible nightmare. Oh, thanks for being here, Clarry. You'll keep the monsters away. [inhales and blows horrible music out through his clarinet]
[Squidward's clarinet playing drives Plankton and the Flying Dutchman crazy. Plankton floats over to Squidward and grabs the clarinet.]
[Squidward and Plankton get into a tug-o-war with the clarinet. Plankton turns into a ghostly SpongeBob and scares Squidward, whose eyes pop out and scream. Squidward runs out of the drawers and gets hit in the head when he crashed into the ceiling. Squidward falls down to the floor and is knocked out unconscious. Plankton throws the clarinet away and changes back.]
PPlankton
Hey, I picked something up! I can pick things up! [picks up a vase and drops it]
Look at you. You skipped ahead to the last lesson! [pulls out a mallet]
PPlankton
It's okay. You don't have to— [gets hit by the mallet]
Oh, the Chum Bucket's the only place in town still selling chum, but I can't go crawling to Plankton for help. No, I won't. I got too much pride for that. [cuts to Mr. Krabs invading Plankton's trash can, looking for some chum] Oh, come on, there's gotta be some chum in here somewhere!
[comes out with a flashlight] Hello? [Mr. Krabs hides behind the trash can] Who's out there?
PPlankton
[comes out with a bat] All right, miscreant, come over here where I can destroy you! [swings the bat around, but gets crushed by it]
[Mr. Krabs attempts to escape, but Karen catches him.]
KPKaren & Plankton
Krabs??
PPlankton
What are you doing here? [crawls out from under his bat]
Nothing, nothing! I, uh, [takes the shoe out of his mouth] lost my shoe! See? Found it. [laughs] Okay, bye. [his stomach growls loudly]
PPlankton
[suspiciously] Hold it. What's going on with you, Krabs? Your clothes are a mess and your stomach's making strange noises.
[wears the shoe] What are you talking—I'm... [stammers until he gives in] Oh, fine! [throws away the shoe] I'm hooked on chum, okay?!
PPlankton
Say what?! [his skeleton falls out in shock]
Look at me now! Digging through garbage for scraps! [sobs uncontrollably]
[The episode begins at the Chum Bucket where Plankton struggles to build his new invention.]
PPlankton
Karen, can you give me a hand with my new Dodanatron?
Sorry Sheldon, I'm off to visit my Motherboard. [leaves the Chum Bucket]
PPlankton
[gasps, runs after Karen] Wait! How am I supposed to get anything done without you?
Don't worry, I put up Help Wanted flyers for an intern. See? [throws intern flyer, and it flies until it hits Plankton's eye]
PPlankton
[sees flyer] Ooh. "INTERN WANTED." Apply today at Chum Bucket Labs? [crumbles flyer] I'm a mad scientist! If getting help was that easy, I wouldn't have built a computer wife!
PPerson
Is this where I apply for the intern job?
[Plankton sees the newly-formed line for his new intern job and gets an exhausted look on his face. Bubble transition to inside the Chum Bucket.]
PPlankton
Ahem. Hello and welcome to Chum Bucket Labs. As an intern, you will gain valuable work experience and a sub-minimum wage. [the crowd sighs and leaves, leaving only Patrick] Well that narrowed it down.
PPlankton
[quietly] Oh boy. [bubble transition] Okay, let's see how ya handle scientific equipment. This is my Duplo Maker! It's very, very simple.
PPlankton
[takes out a coin] Just put this coin in the chamber-
Gotcha! [grabs the coin and squishes Plankton]
PPlankton
Ow! No! Just the coin, you idiot! [gasps as Patrick steps inside the machine]
[The Duplo Maker creates a ton of Patrick doubles. It is no longer duplicating, as the door opens and many Patrick clones appear. Plankton then screams and runs as a Patrick double tries to land on him, but fails.]
PCPatrick clones
Do we get the job?
PPlankton
I'll tell ya what ya get. [takes out a remote] You get out! [pushes the button on the remote, and a robot hand with a glove smacks the Patrick clones out of the Chum Bucket]
PCPatrick clone #1
Hi, I'm Patrick.
PCPatrick clone #2
No, I'm Patrick.
PCPatrick clone #3
Who's Patrick?
PPlankton
Well, great. Not a single applicant left.
PPlankton
[shouting as his iris turns into a whale] Whale! [Pearl steps closer to him as he climbs up to his desk] No! Not you! Whales eat Plankton!
I don't eat Plankton. That's baby food. I'm just here for the job.
PPlankton
Really? You're not gonna eat me?
Eww, no! I just need money, but my dad's such a skinflint with my allowance.
PPlankton
Alright, you're hired. Whatever.
[The episode starts at the Chum Bucket, of which the bucket's handle falls to the ground, and Plankton and Karen are come out of it with a hot air balloon shaped like a heart for a date.]
Ah, I'm floating on air! A balloon ride, a candle-light dinner, and our wedding song is playing! Oh, this day is perfect.
PPlankton
No, you're perfect, Karen. You're the best computer wife a copepod ever could have! [types on keyboard] Bon-bon? [he presses a button on the keyboard]
Oh, I shouldn't. [her computer screen turns into a woman eating a bon-bon]
PPlankton
Indulge yourself, my darling.
Thank you, Plankton. This is truly a date to remember.
PPlankton
Well, my love, you haven't seen anything yet. [comes back dressed as Ray Ray] For you, my love! [passes a rose to Karen using his tongue]
Oh, Ray Ray! [laughs and sniffs rose] Aah.
PPlankton
[combs hair] That's right, baby. Ray Ray is at your service. [shines teeth]
Ray Ray, you've got my cooling fans running on high. [grabs Plankton and knocks down table] Ha, ha. Get over here and give me some sugar! [as Plankton and Karen are about to kiss, Plankton sees Mr. Krabs down from above.]
♪Do do do do do♪ [places the formula on top of his boat, and yawns and stretches] What a long day. [he gets in his boat as he leaves the formula behind]
PPlankton
[looks down at the formula; angelic singing] Uh... eh... ehh! AHHH! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!
PPlankton
Hold that thought, baby. I uh- I forgot something down here. I'll be right back! [jumps off from the balloon and his clothes fall off] Can't believe this is really happening. [falls to the ground] The Krabby Patty secret formula is finally mine! Huh? [he goes through the formula; every time he touches it, his hand goes through the formula] Huh? Eh... [the formula disappears] Ehh! [looks for the formula] Hm, eh, ah, eh, eh! Is this some kind of horrible nightmare? What? [the scene cuts to inside the Chum Bucket to reveal that Plankton was on top of a green screen] A projector? You tricked me with a simulation?!
It was a test, Plankton! And you failed! You fail every time when it comes to our romance.
PPlankton
Right, so I goof up one time and now I'm the bad guy?
One time? Failed one time? [numbers show up on her screen] How about 4,700,000 and- [glitching] Error, er-er-error.
PPlankton
But baby cakes, I left to go get the Krabby Patty secret formula. For me... and you... You know... for us! [puts on a cute face] Ehhh?
Listen, Sheldon. You need to show me an interruption-free romantic date night because until that happens, no one is leaving the Chum Bucket. [presses an alarm that makes the Chum Bucket go on lockdown]
PPlankton
Aah! [a brick wall crushes the front doors as the Chum Bucket's glove grabs some tinfoil as it places it on top of the roof and puts a rubber band on it.; Karen grabs Plankton, and his Ray Ray clothes get put on] Oof!
You better not mess this one up, Ray Ray. [flicks Plankton off her hand]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
