PPlankton
[riding a small plane, laughing] Secret formula, you are mine! [ejects himself out of the plane]
[The plane hits the safe, but the safe is still okay.]
PPlankton
Perhaps I misjudged the scale on that one. [landing] That does it! Listen up, safe, I will spill your contents, even if I have to tear you apart... [rips a piece of the safe] BIT BY BIT! [rips the piece he just rips] MOLECULE BY MOLECULE!! [rips a molecule in half] ATOM BY ATOM!!! [rips an atom in half; it starts to glow and buzz. Plankton, despite going to college, had clearly forgotten what happens when you split an atom] Uh-oh.
[the split atom explodes, setting off a nuclear explosion, obliterating the Krusty Krab and the safe.]
PPlankton
Surely, the safe couldn't survive nuclear detonation. Come to papa! [takes the bottle containing the secret formula]
[Plankton walks casually to Mr. Krabs' office, wearing a headset. Nobody notices him come in: the customers are busy eating and Squidward is snoring away at the counter]
PPlankton
That's right, Karen. By the time those two knuckleheads figure it out, I'll be knee-deep in secret formula!... Yes, I'll wear my galoshes.
Plankton, what are you doing here?
PPlankton
I just want to talk. You could say we're friends, right?
PPlankton
Well, we're both invertebrates, aren't we?
PPlankton
You see? Everything works out. I have something for you. I've been keeping it in my secret compartment. Ching! Sparkle, sparkle.
Wow. A golden spatula. And it's even got my name on it.
PPlankton
It's a gift. A gift from a friend. Friends give each other gifts, and tomorrow is my birthday. And you know what I'd like more than anything in the whole wide world?
PPlankton
A booster seat? Hot dog! I mean, no. What I want for my birthday from you, my friend, is one of those tender... delicious... Krabby Patties.
[gasps] You just want to be friends so you can get your hands on a Krabby Patty! And I bet it's not even your birthday tomorrow.
PPlankton
Gee, and I thought you were stupid.
You'll never get a Krabby Patty from me! Even if we are friends! Never! Never! Never! Never!
PPlankton
Oh, I'll get a Krabby Patty and you're gonna hand-deliver it to me personally, you weak-minded fool! [laughs evilly]
PPlankton
[through SpongeBob, to Squidward] Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player.
[scene reveals to be Plankton using his microphone inside SpongeBob's brain]
PPlantkon
You pretentious, little insignificant artist. Your sniveling creations are worth less than a protozoan's waste.
PPlankton
Any last words, SpongeBob SecretPants?
I just have to say I'm sorry I let Mr. Krabs down. I let all of Bikini Bottom down. But worst of all, I let you down, you delicate little Krabby Patty.
With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, steamy goodness.
I'll never forget your 100% all-secret patty, secretly assembled with undersea cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, onion, all secretly steaming between two fluffy seaweed-sea buns.
PPlankton
Yes... yes... YES! Come to papa! [bounces off the patty and lands in the analyzer] Oh, boy. [now zapped and the computer reads out the analysis]
Plankton: 1% evil, 99% hot gas. [Plankton appears on the screen]
PPlankton
Well, this stinks.
Well, patty, I guess we can go home now.
PPlankton
SpongeBob, that's my Krabby Patty! Give it back, you porous freak! I command you! My patty! No! I'll settle for some fries.
PPlankton
I'm winning. I'm winning!
It's not about winning, it's about fun!
Fun is when you... [thinking to himself] fun is... it's like... it's kinda... sorta like a... what is fun? I... let me spell it for you. [singing while showing the letter "F"] ♪ F is for friends who do stuff together, [cut to a bored Plankton, then cut to SpongeBob showing the letter "U"] U is for you and me, [as the letter "N" while performing a cartwheel] N is for anywhere, anytime at all ♪
SSingers
[the letters "F" and "U" reappear next to SpongeBob] ♪ Down here in the deep blue sea ♪
PPlankton
♪ F is for fire that burns down the whole town, [cut to SpongeBob, visibly scared] U is for uranium... Bombs, [cut back to Plankton] N is for no sur-vi-vors, WHEN YOU--- ♪
Plankton! Those things aren't what fun is all about. Now, do it like this: [does some wacky dance moves] ♪ F is for friends who do stuff to-- ♪
PPlankton
Never! That's completely idiotic!
Here, let me help you. [grabs Plankton hands while helping him dance] ♪ F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me ♪ [stops singing] Try it!
PPlankton
[performs a cartwheel] ♪ N is for anywhere, anytime at all ♪
SSingers
♪ Down here in the deep blue sea ♪
PPlankton
Wait, I don't understand this, I feel all tingly inside. Should we stop?
No! That's how you're supposed to feel!
PPlankton
Well, I like it. Let's do it again!
[the scene cuts to the flower beds] Okay!
SPSpongeBob and Plankton
F is for frolic through all the flowers, [cut to Plankton inside a ukulele. SpongeBob is dressed Hawaiian style] U is for ukulele. [cut to the two at a Noses shop] N is nose-picking, [cut to SpongeBob blowing gum with Plankton inside] sharing gum, [cut to SpongeBob licking sand at Plankton] and sand-licking, here with my best buddy. [cut the two having fun with the "FUN" letters in the background] Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
[At the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs is looking through a telescope at SpongeBob and Plankton.]
SpongeBob, may I speak to you in private? [to Plankton] You won't mind if I set this here, will you?
[Mr. Krabs puts a plate with a Krabby Patty on the table and pushes it toward him]
What's this all about, Mr. Krabs?
He's a thief. Look at the lust in his eye, he's...
Why can't you just accept our friendship?
He's just after me recipe. I'll prove it to you. [walks up to Plankton] Ah, you must be hungry after that long walk over here.
PPlankton
Oh, yes, but I'm saving my appetite for some popcorn at the movies.
[Mr. Krabs walks off then comes back to push the plate closer to Plankton. He uses a fan to get the smell to Plankton.]
We've had enough of your little tests, Mr. Krabs! [turns the fan off] Come on, Plankton, let's get out of here. [they both walk away]
Maybe the lad was right. Maybe Plankton's gone straight...
[Suddenly, the Krabby Patty on the table falls over, revealing it to be a cardboard prop; he realizes Plankton's friendship is a ruse]
And maybe scallops will fly out of my pants! [jumps into the boat that serves as the cash register stand, takes a pair of oars, and starts rowing it] Hang on, lad, I'm a-coming!
[screams as he gets shot out of Mr. Krabs' dream cloud and into Plankton's dream on a building. The plunger is stuck onto a building] Hey, Plankton's dreaming about Bikini Bottom.
PPlankton
Zap! [zaps a building near SpongeBob and fish: Incidental 93, Incidental 40, Incidental 86 come running out] I see you. [stomps up to another building, twenty times the size of his normal self] Zap! [shoots a green laser out of his eye]
PPlankton
I see you. Zap!
Plankton! [tries to get himself untied from the rope around his ankle]
PPlankton
I see you... [SpongeBob gets untied and drops to the ground] Zap! [zaps and disintegrates the building that SpongeBob was on, then walks to the Krusty Krab. People continue to: Fred, and Incidental 73 scream in panic] Oh look, it's the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty. [stomps on it] Crush! [picks up the Krusty Krab sign and starts to lick it as if it was a lollipop and walks off] Lick, lick!
[as he runs around] This isn't a dream! This is a nightmare!
[stops and looks. Appears more and more worried.] Gary! Gary! No!
Meow! [Plankton still coming towards Gary making giant step sounds]
PPlankton
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Gary! [jumps over to Gary and hugs him] I've got you, Gary!
PPlankton
Peek-a-boo! Here comes my foot! [stomps his foot on SpongeBob & Gary] YEAH! Huh? [lifts up his foot] YOW!
[suddenly turns into a pin] I think he’s got the point. [laughs]
PPlankton
[deflates and shrinks] WHOA!
[SpongeBob walks home into his own dream cloud where his real self is still sleeping]
Ah, that was fun and all, but it's good to be back in my own dream cloud. [goes to sleep] Ah... [wakes up after hearing his friends voices and faces hovering around his head]
[his head starts circling SpongeBob] SpongeBob! [the heads of Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Gary, Plankton, Pearl and Patrick start surrounding SpongeBob]
HSHeads of SpongeBob's friends
SpongeBob!
[tossing and turning in his sleep] What do you want from me? Leave me alone! No, no... No, no, no, no, no, no! [Squidward nudged and tapped SpongeBob and he wakes up]
[screams, then sees his friends stand around his bed, except Patrick] Hey, what are you all doing in your pajamas? Are we having a slumber party?
[Scene now shows Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Gary, Plankton, and Pearl, who all look angry at SpongeBob.]
No. We are not having a slumber party!
Do us all a favor, SpongeBob, and stay out of our dreams!
AEAll except Patrick
[grumble in agreement]
Don't we get enough of you during the day?
[walks in] Does anyone have a quarter? [all stare at Patrick]
[SpongeBob hears crying from Plankton, who's sitting on a bench with two strawberry ice creams]
Plankton, what are you doing here? And why are you crying?
PPlankton
Oh, hi, SpongeBob. [blows his nose] I'm cryin' because I've got these two ice cream cones, but I only need one! [cries] I don't know what to do with the other one!
[SpongeBob is confused; Plankton cries then stops for a second and looks at SpongeBob and cries again.]
[finds out that Plankton used him for his evil plan; gasps] "Mega Bucket"?! You used me for land development! That wasn't nice!
PPlankton
Haven't you figured it out, SpongeBob? Nice guys finish last. Only aggressive people conquer the world! [laughs evilly]
Well, what about aggressively nice people?
PPlankton
Huh? What are you doing? [SpongeBob brings out the hot dogs in the hot dog stand, he ate earlier and puts them back where they belong. Then he puts the kites back where they were] Wait, SpongeBob! Stop! [a girl is crying because she has sand on her ice cream. SpongeBob takes it and wipes the sand off with his eyelashes] Butterfly kisses... Can't take it... It's too cute... It's-it's disgusting! [Scooter is crying at his broken surfboard]
What happened? [points to surfboard]
I hit a reef with my new board, dude!
No problem! [shapeshifts into a surfboard]
Whoa! [grabs the surfboard] Killer!
PPlankton
SpongeBob, stop! Before it's too late! Your kindness is bringing everybody back! [everyone comes back] Get back! Wait! [everyone, on their way back to the beach breaks through the construction barriers, trample and squish Plankton underfoot] Ouch! Ow! Ow! No! Ooh!
[is surfing with SpongeBob] Cowabunga! [he and SpongeBob arrive back to shore] Thanks, dude! That was awesome! [just then, Plankton begins straining and weeping]
Gee, Plankton, I'm sorry about the Chum Bucket.
PPlankton
Forget about that. I just can't take so much kindness in one sitting. [bunches up into a ball] NEED... HATRED... [crawls away]
Volleyball, anyone? [everyone uses SpongeBob as the ball] Serve up! [laughs] Ouch! [laughs] Ouch! [laughs] Ouch!
PPlankton
You can't do this to me, Krabs. [Mr. Krabs blows Plankton back to the Chum Bucket] I went to college! [crashes into his restaurant] Ouch.
RKRobot Krabs
Okay, now let's hear that formula.
Sorry, no can do, Mr. Krabs.
RKRobot Krabs
[his eyes are now on fire] Whaaaaaaaat???
PPlankton
[cut to inside of robot] But we did everything you said - I followed all the rules! I even ate 105 black licorice jellybeans through a straw! [holds up a straw]
RKRobot Krabs
Now why can't you tell me the formula?
It's your rule: never speak the formula. You told me to keep it in [holds up a bottle with the secret formula in it] ...this bottle. [Robot Krabs' eyes open widely with a "ding!" sound effect]
PPlankton
[inside the robot] This is it, Plankton. [pushes a lever] Gently now... [continues to push the lever, getting overly excited as he gets closer. The penny that Mr. Krabs was chasing earlier rolls under the door, then Mr. Krabs rushes in, and he gasps, including SpongeBob and the guy on the penny]
How could you do this, SpongeBob? Givin' me secret formuler to this...imposter?!
RKRobot Krabs
Don't listen to him, SpongeBob. Remember: ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuloli.
SpongeBob, no! Don't listen to him! I'm the real Mr. Krabs!
RKRobot Krabs
Don't listen to him. He's obviously a robot. [exhaust pipe smokes]
Well, if I was a robot, which I'm not, at least I'm well-put together, not some rusted-out, steam-driven pile of junk!
RKRobot Krabs
Who are you callin' steam-driven...?
[yelling in frustration] Quiet! Until I know who the real Mr. Krabs is, nobody moves, [holds a hose attached to a tartar sauce machine] nobody gets hurt.
KRMr. Krabs and Robot Krabs
Tartar sauce?!
Take it easy with that thing, son. Ahh!
[squirts some tartar sauce, causing Mr. Krabs to jump into robot Krabs' arms] I'll do the talkin' around here. I think I'll ask you two a couple of questions; questions only the real Mr. Krabs could answer.
[smiles while Robot Krabs looks worried] Okay, then.
First question: what time does the Krusty Krab open?
RKRobot Krabs
[beats Mr. Krabs to it] 9:30 A.M.
Right. [to Mr. Krabs] That's one strike, Mr. Fake.
Nuh-uh-uh! I'm runnin' this quiz show, I'll ask the questions. If there's gonna be any 'buts', they're gonna be from me. [while rubbing the hose nozzle] Okay, now, question two: how much does a Krabby Patty cost?
Right again! [to Mr. Krabs] You're starting to look pretty phony right about now. I'd be nervous if I were you. Now, only the really real Mr. Krabs could answer this - if we're discussing the secret formula on the third Wednesday in January and it's not raining outside after we've gargled with vanilla pudding, what do we do?
That's an easy one. You just...just.. let's see...if it's...uh...if it's January...with...with vanilla pudding...you...uh...pass? [gets shot with tartar sauce]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
