[The pen is hurling towards Simmy]
[in slow motion, he runs to Simmy] Simmy, look out! There's a candied pen heading straight for your eye due to my act of swatting it away without first considering the trajectory! Oh, I wish I could give my words out faster, but everything's in slow motion! [The pen is about to hit Simmy] NO! [However, instead of hitting Simmy, it went through the robot. The pen lands on the ground and rolls to a projector. SpongeBob bangs on the projector, revealing that Simmy and Tally was just a trash can and a ball wash post] Simmy and Tally are holograms? Then that means... [The projector reveals that the world's most exciting roller coaster was actually a rotting corpse of a sea monster]
I was riding that? What about those delicacies I was eating?
[The projector reveals that the food Squidward ate was just rotten chum. The projector also revealed that the pen he was sucking on was a caterpillar. Squidward freaks out and rubs his tongue in disgust. The projector reveals that the van Plankton drove on was an old broken down van. Mr. Krabs gasps in wonder what the stuffed walruses were. But nothing happens.]
KMr. Krabs
Whew! That was a clo... [The projector reveals that the stuffed walruses were actually fish skeletons. Mr. Krabs screams in terror and the skeletons crumble to dust] You saved me, boy. How did you do it?
I guess my mind was all sharp from the relaxing fun I had at your company picnic, Mr. Krabs.
[walks up to them] Unbelievable! [Mr. Krabs picks Plankton up] Uh-oh. [Mr. Krabs puts Plankton on the disk-shaped paper with mustard and throws him out in the distance. Once it landed, there was an explosion]
[jumps up as a rainbow appears and jellyfish fly around] The greatest company picnic ever!
KMr. Krabs
Alright, enough relaxing. Back to work! [laughs as he leaves]
[The episode ends with SpongeBob still being in the air and an angry Squidward gets stung in the head by a jellyfish]
KMr. Krabs
[singing] Oh... I wonder, wonder, wonder how many Krabby Patties must we make?
Wonder no longer. You only need 1.
KMr. Krabs
[gasps; singing backwards] ⸮ekam ew tsum seittaP ybbaK ynam woh rednow, rednow, rednow I ...hO (Oh... I wonder, wonder, wonder how many Krabby Patties must we make?) What do you mean "1"?
Didn't you see today's newspaper?
KMr. Krabs
"No takers for McNulty Challenge". Ha! What's that suppose to mean?
He's the current champion. He only needs to eat 1 patty to win.
[The episode begins with many customers at the Krusty Krab while Squidward is awakened from his normal nap when Mr. Krabs makes an announcement.]
KMr. Krabs
Listen up, crew, I have an announcement. Bikini Bottom's newest sports stadium will officially be named after this restaurant!
"The Krusty Krab Stadium." Wow!
KMr. Krabs
Paying for the naming rights, will make me millions!
[grabs a foam hand and a pennant] Opening day is today! Tailgate party! [running past Mr. Krabs]
KMr. Krabs
[he pulls SpongeBob back] Not for you! Your tails have to stay here and pay me back some of that money I spent.
[grabs a green foam hat] Hurray for Mr. Krabs!
KMr. Krabs
While I'm gone, Squidward mans the helm. [leaves the restaurant]
CHCharlton Hawkfish
This is what you get when so-called fish kind in all its hubris and ignorance stoop so low... [points to Mr. Krabs and Crupski] ...as to cut corners in its plumbing system! Extinction is the result of being cheap!
KMr. Krabs
What a bunch of malarkey.
CHCharlton Hawkfish
At least we didn't waken the great sewer snake. [sees the sewer snake behind him as he looks up] Check that.
[All of the customers run out of the stadium upon seeing the sewer snake, but Charlton does not go back down. He throws the axe, pulls up he sleeves, and runs heroically towards the snake. However, he has an idea on how to defeat it. He points to his nose.]
SSSewer Snake
[with a squeaky voice] Uh-oh.
[Charlton pokes the snake with his pointy nose and the snake yelps and flies around like a balloon and falls back through the hole and into the sewers. Back at the Krusty Krab, the toilet erupts with water and floods the restroom. The water bursts out of the restroom with the safe covered in filth. The safe is opened by Squidward who along with SpongeBob are covered in sewage.]
Hey, everybody. The cook's back from the toilet.
[All customers then burst out from the Krusty Krab, screaming and freaking out, as the episode ends.]
[The scene changes to the Krusty Krab late at night. SpongeBob is happily flipping the patties on the grill.]
Well, that was the last customer, SpongeBob.
[places his two spatulas in his pockets] Oh, what a great day.
And you know why it was a great day? Because Krabs never even showed up!
[The scene changes to Larry's gym getting ready to open up for the morning. Larry is walking by the steam room until he sees steam coming out.]
Huh? [sniffs] What is that smell? [jiggles the doorknob] Mr. Krabs, how long have you been in there?!
[Larry pulls the door off and sees Mr. Krabs as a cooked up crab on a plate with melted butter and lemons on the side, meaning that he had been in the steam room too long.]
KMr. Krabs
I think I'm done! Would you mind rubbin' a little butter on me? [the episode ends]
KMr. Krabs
You know somethin'? [jumps off the bench and points at Cashina] You look like $1,000,000 when you smile. [Cashina giggles again; Mr. Krabs gets down onto one knee] Cashina, would you make this old crab's day... and allow me to take you to a place where you can buy me dinner? [smiles again]
CCashina
I'd love to... [her face becomes completely transparent as the rest of her darkens, revealing none other than Plankton inside, sitting on a chair and controlling Cashina by means of a lever, a control panel with buttons, a joystick, and a microphone on it, and a camera]
[puts his hand over the microphone] ...Scam you out of your secret formula, that is. [laughs evilly as Cashina's face reappears; she covers her mouth as Plankton's laugh only comes out as a small giggle]
[Mr. Krabs is ready to tell Cashina the formula, but he gets emotional and cries; a tear falls in Cashina's mouth, destroying her and revealing her as Plankton in disguise]
[Girl voice, changing to his own voice] Come on, Krabs, let it all out! Huh?
No, no, I'm not Plankton! I'm Cashina... your blushing bride! I.. uh... uh... Am I blushing?
KMr. Krabs
You... MONSTER!
[He is about to crush Plankton but is too heartbroken to do so]
You're not gonna crush me?
KMr. Krabs
I've been alone for so long, and for the first time in forever, I felt for someone! Well, something. I mean, a pile of cash with lips? It was all too good to be true. Cashina may have not been real, but me feelings were, weren't they?
Get a hold of yourself, Krabs!
KMr. Krabs
Plankton, are you saying it was all just a scheme to you?! And you felt nothing?!
You're crazy! I'm out of here, and one day, the formula will be mine! Mark it!
KMr. Krabs
SpongeBob, you old patty junkie! Welcome home son! [SpongeBob glances at Patrick]
It's okay, I hate work anyway. [everyone laughs]
No really, I do hate work! [everyone laughs even harder, even Patrick starts laughing] Everybody's laughing! Oh hey SpongeBob, I got something for ya!
[Patrick gives SpongeBob two thumbs-ups, as well as SpongeBob. The crowd cheers, SpongeBob's and Patrick's thumbs launch into the air, and explode and the episode ends]
Looks like you sponges have everything covered.
MTMe Two
Mm-hmm! [suddenly turns pale]
Hey, you don't look so good. Can I take you home? Where do you live?
MTMe Two
I came from the Chum Bucket.
[realizing] The Chum Bucket?
♪I'm going to know the formula! I'm going to know the formula...♪
Plankton! [Plankton halts before him] Me Two says you made him in a copy machine, so that you could steal the secret formula!
Well, that's pattonly ridiculous!
You’ve gotta help him! I think he's sick or something.
MTMe Two
[scrunching up] I feel funnyyyy...
[Suddenly, Me Two rolls up like a paper roll in mid-air and disappears from existence]
ME TWO, ME TWO! Oh! What happened to him?!
I was afraid of that. I thought I'd save some money by using cheap toner.
It means my plan is ruined! All the SpongeBob copies will fade away now!
[shocked] Fade away...? All my brand new friends?! [crying] NOOO! THEY CAN'T!! [cries; runs inside and talks to a clone mopping] NO! DON'T DISAPPEAR!
[The clone also turns grey, scrunches and rolls up, and disappears like Me Two; SpongeBob cries harder]
[to a clone] Quickly, man! Before you fade, what's the formula?!
SCSpongeBob Copy
It's easy. You take one par -- Whoa! I don't feel so good... [turns grey, rolls up, disappears]
Wait, no! [to a clone carrying dishes] You, the formula?! [the clone also disappears; to a clone dusting a table] The formula?! [that clone disappears; to a clone at the register] The formula?! [he disappears; to a clone flipping patties] The formula?! [he disappears; a patty hits him] Ouch!
[He runs to several clones in the restaurant; SpongeBob keeps crying over losing his friends]
The formula, the formula, the formula?!
[They all disappear. Scene cuts to a bunch of other copies cleaning the roof, mowing the lawn, and some other things but they disappear. Then the scene cuts to Patrick playing with some of the copies but they disappear also.]
Life is but a walking shadow. Ha-lube-lube-lube-lube-lube... [Stopped because he gets hit by a lawnmower and gets split into 9 mini copies of himself. Scene transitions to Plankton running over to the final copy.]
What's the formula?! [Mr. Krabs enters.]
KMr. Krabs
Well, I did it. I calculated 1 paycheck down into 300 separate tiny checks. Only one of you left? Here.
[The final clone disappears]
KMr. Krabs
[picks up a cookie, secretly given to him by Plankton, opens it, and starts reading the fortune] "Unless you give a tiny copepod the Krabby Patty secret formula, you will die?!"
[opera voice] Hello! [normal voice] Did someone say copepod?
[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs scream when they see who it is, and starts and they both run with fear to Mr. Krabs' office, where SpongeBob locks the door and Mr. Krabs puts a plank of wood in a holder in front of the door]
Just wanted to borrow a cup of grease, Eugene. I'll come back later, ciao!
KMr. Krabs
[nervously speaking] J-just how true are these cookie fortunes, SpongeBob?
If the cookie says it's true, then it's true. Horribly, terribly, truthfully, true! [begins to cry]
KMr. Krabs
"You will die." [the word "die" echoes in his head three times, leading to a vision of Mr. Krabs' funeral service]
[sobbing] Oh, I'll miss you, daddy! [continues sobbing then she takes his wallet] But I really can't wait to spend your hard-earned money on shoes! [laughs and runs away]
KMr. Krabs
[wakes up in his coffin] Me money!
Mr. Krabs! No! [cries some tears and fills up Mr. Krabs' coffin, causing him to float out of the coffin and hits his head on the floor. The vision ends]
Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs, it's time. [SpongeBob's arm breaks off while holding on to Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs gets scared as SpongeBob appears on his other side] It's time to give up the secret formula to Plankton! [attaches his left arm back into his body] Because your life is worth more than some scrap of paper in a bottle.
KMr. Krabs
You're right, me boy-o, [heads toward his safe] I've got to face me fortune. [takes the secret formula out of the safe]
I guess I didn't really think that through.
KMr. Krabs
I figured the funeral fortune was phony, Plankton.
Oh, yeah?! What are you going to do about it, Eugene?
KMr. Krabs
Nothing, Sheldon. [holds a fortune cookie] Here, have a fortune cookie. [gives Plankton the fortune cookie]
[opens fortune cookie and starts reading the fortune teller] Eh. "You will go on a long voyage where you will get everything you deserve." [gets picked up by Mr. Krabs] Hey!
[the ending follows to a Chinese restaurant where Plankton pops out of a fortune cookie and is avoiding the chopsticks.]
Ahh! Hey! [gets grabbed by the chopsticks] Ooh! Mommy! [a chomping noise is heard]
Positions everyone! [SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward position themselves to protect the Krabby Patty at all costs. Suddenly, they hear something growling in the bushes. They get scared by the growling sound until a small snail pops out and meows] Aww. Hey, little fella. [thinks the snail was harmless and friendly, but to his surprise, the snail transforms into a monster and roars at them. Everyone screams and the snail monster grabs the Krabby Patty]
SPSpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward
THE PATTY!
[The snail monster begins to fly away with the Krabby Patty]
[Panics and runs around] Oh, what are we gonna do?!
KMr. Krabs
Don't eat my patty! [grabs Squidward and throws him in the air]
[Squidward ends up in the snail monster's claws and the monster eats Squidward. However, the monster spits Squidward out and rubs his tongue, meaning that he didn't like the taste of Squidward. Squidward falls flat on his face in the ground and SpongeBob catches the Krabby Patty]
Squidward, you've saved the Krabby Patty!
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
