Ah, yes, just how I like it... nice and empty.
OMOld Man Walker
Hey, I'm still here.
Oh, yes, sirree—nice and empty.
“Little Yellow Book” · Season 9
In this episode: Squidward (6), Abrasive SpongeBob (3), Mr. Krabs (2), Officer John (1), Sandals (1)
[voiceover] Dear diary, what an amazing day I've had! This morning I was greeted by my nearest and dearest neighbor, Squidward. He had some very important news he was just bursting to share. He had decided that today would be the perfect day to deliver his profound opinions on how to properly raise and care for a household pet. Specifically, what not to feed them. The list was very thorough. Needless to say, this is all very enlightening. It warms my heart to know that Squidward thinks we're close enough to use the harshest words in his critique-- Horrible words that should never be used around strangers, who may now know how well-intended those words are. Knowing I have the tendency to dawdle, Gary cut our conversation short. And I hurried along to work, where I arrived only an hour and a half early for what may be my favorite day of the year: cleaning day! Together, Mr. Krabs and I scrubbed every inch of the Krusty Krab, and finally, with a little elbow grease, we were able to get into even the tightest spots. Ah yes, cleaning day.
Great Neptune, I had no idea. The depth of his delusion is awe inspiring.
What do you think of Mr. Krabs' new plaid kilt?
Plaid? [SpongeBob starts clucking like a chicken]
Well, you don't have to be nasty about it!
That's low, Squidward... even for you. You'd better apologize.
Pfft! He'll get over it.
MMorty
Extra, extra, read all about it! Jerk reads diary, local fry cook devastated. [holding up a newspaper]
Oh, boy, let me see one of those papers. Uh-huh, mm-hm. [a cover of paper shows a sad photo of SpongeBob. There is writing that says "Local Fry Cook Devastated." Squidward laughs and tosses the paper on the ground. Citizens stare at him scornfully] Taxi! [waving as a taxi car with the model of the boat screeches its tires approaching him]
DDriver
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it, pal. You're that diary reader.
Yes, I am. [taxi drives away in an angry attitude after hearing Squidward's revelation. The tires squeal, Squidward coughs in the exhaust. Then he continues walking]
AMAbigail Marge
Diary thief!
Jerk!
JJohn
[from outside a house window] Secret stealer!
NNorma
Billy, stay away from that mean, old diary reader.
Idiots. [The scene changes to outside of SpongeBob's, Patrick's, and Squidward's houses, with Squidward at his front door. It opens, revealing Quincy]
QQuincy
Squidward Tentacles, by reading another person's diary, you have violated the terms of your loan. [holds up loan papers] We are repossessing your house.
[coughs] What?!
QQuincy
Take it away, boys! [Squidward's house is lifted away with a crane.]
Hi, Squidward. How's it going?
SpongeBob, oh, thank goodness. You have to forgive me.
What for?
For reading your diary.
Oh, that. You know, Squidward, everyone was so amused by it, I had it published! It's a best seller, and I owe it all to you! Besides, you only read my work diary. You've never even seen my secret personal diary! Now, that would have been really embarrassing...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.