Patrick quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob, why is your house... [yelling] Driving on the road!

Patrick

Because we turned it into a RV.

We don't want you to miss that flower blooming.

S12 Pineapple RV

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[comes out of the Chum Bucket and sees rotten chum snowing down] What has that yellow idiot done?! [becomes surrounded by an angry mob]

M1Man #1

Our homes have been ruined by you and your stinking chum!

WWoman

Your chum ruined my hair!

Patrick

Your chum made me dumb!

M2Man #2

You were already dumb.

Patrick

Well, it didn't make me any smarter!

K1Kid #1

Get him!

AMAngry mob

Yeah! [they grab Plankton and prepare to beat him up]

S12 Plankton's Old Chum

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Bubble Bass

[walks up the stairs and hears knocking, then opening the door to reveal Patrick at the entrance] Huh?!

Patrick

Hey buddy! Ready for our playdate?! [squeezes Bubble Bass into a tight hug]

Bubble Bass

[slaps Patrick and picks him up to scold him] I will not associate with such a dimwitted doofus.

Patrick

[flattered] Aw, you're just saying that!

S12 Swamp Mates

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[sighs as he walks into a kelp forest] Why won't anyone watch my trick?! [falls onto the ground while the word "trick" flies into the air, causing the leaves on the kelp trees to fall down onto SpongeBob] [SpongeBob gets up, covered with leaves. He slightly pulls his kelp mustache, and then sees two pieces of wood and a rock. A lightbulb appears on top of SpongeBob] Hey, that gives me an idea! [scene cuts to SpongeBob putting the final touches on his rock people] There. Good evening, folks, I am the Great Spongedini! Now watch closely, [reveals his cards] the hand is quicker than the eye. Pick a card. Any card. [SpongeBob inhales all the magic playing cards into his mouth, and then starts his magic trick.]

[The magic trick starts when the kelp forest turns into a white screen as SpongeBob turns into magic playing cards, which then transform into a buzzsaw and cut a copy of SpongeBob in-half, and then a rainbow appears. Then ten cut in half/rainbow-colored SpongeBobs, two green, two yellow, two pink, two red, and two blue, each holding one magic playing card start running out as the rainbow disappears. Then, two other SpongeBobs, one on the bottom of the screen, and the other on top of the screen being upside down, start leading a bunch of card people from the top, and the bottom of the screen. Then, two other card people start going over and under each other five times, becoming SpongeBob, and back to a playing card. Then the camera zooms out to see lots of card people on the screen, which then fade to SpongeBob. wearing a magician's outfit, a magic hat on top of his head, and a magic wand for a nose, which automatically makes some flowers come out of it, The Great Spongedini then takes the magic wand out of his nose and turns it into three metal rings, that are linked to each other. Then, The Great Spongedini puts himself through the rings, and then, the rings transform into a cannon that shoots out three colorful fireworks. One pink, one yellow, and one blue. Then, The Great Spongedini appears on the screen again, and then notices a red ribbon stuck through his left sleeve.]

GSThe Great Spongedini

Huh? [The Great Spongedini pulls the ribbon out of his left sleeve, but then reveals a red, blue, pink, green, and orange ribbon that covers the whole screen. Then the scene becomes spirally and gets put into a magic hat. Then, the white screen turns back to the kelp forest and SpongeBob pulls himself out of the magic hat in a pink bunny suit, ending his magic trick.]

Ta-dah! [notices that the audience he made was fake and didn't respond to his magic trick.] Oh... I still wish Patrick was here to see it. [then he notices Patrick sitting on a mushroom, hanging onto another mushroom]

Patrick

[off-screen] I saw it, SpongeBob! [on-screen] It was astonishable! [Patrick falls of the mushroom and falls flat onto the ground, and pulls himself off the ground]

[hugging Patrick] Oh, Patrick! You showed up just in time! What was your favorite part?

Patrick

Uh... My favorite part was... uh..."Ta-dah!" I missed everything before that.

Oh, then you haven't seen seen anything yet! [he grabs a hold of Patrick's hand. The two spin around and then they disappear into a magic hat. Some confetti and a card come out of the hat as the two laugh. Fireworks also start coming out of the hat, while the rock creatures stand inanimate]

S12 One Trick Sponge

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SpongeBob, what is your stop, so I can take you there right now?!

[steps on other people's heads while heading to the driver seat] Oh, I don't have a stop. Today is my bus riding day, the day I just pick a bus and ride it all day. [lays on Squidward's head]

There's only one thing I can think of that could be worse. [screams as he sees Patrick waving at a bus stop] Augh! And that's it! [drives the bus to pass Patrick, which makes him drill himself into the sand] Phew. I dodged that one. Heh-heh. [sees Patrick at another bus stop; he turns the wheel and flips the bus over Patrick; he continues to drive] Phew. That was close.

Patrick

[appears next to Squidward] It sure was. I almost didn't catch this bus.

[Squidward is completely overwhelmed and turns his head in anger.]

Eeeee... Patrick! Wow! We're both on the same bus on our Just Riding Around On The Bus Day! What are the odds?

[Squidward's eyes spin like a slot machine. His eyes stop with a laughing SpongeBob and Patrick on them.]

Yes, what are the odds?

S12 Squid's on a Bus

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Patrick

Hi, rock. I'm trying to enjoy a snack.

TTony

Hey, the name is Tony, not rock. And I think it's time for you to vamoose.

Patrick

Huh? What's a vanmoose? [Patrick imagines a moose of a van.]

TTony

[chuckles] You're a few pickles short of a jar, ain't ya, kid? I'll make it simple. [knocks on his shell] This is my shell. I live here, you don't, so beat it!

Patrick

Oh no! You can't fool me! This is my rock, and I'm not leaving! [pulls out glue and glues himself on Tony's shell. Tony tries to get Patrick off of him, but gives up.]

TTony

Alright, you daba dose. Stay up there if you want. I've got places to be.

S12 Shell Games

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TTony

[shouting at Patrick] GET OUT OF MY SHELL!

Patrick

[shouting at Tony] GET OUT OF MY ROCK!

TTony

[pushes Patrick] My shell!

Patrick

[attempts to push Tony] My shell! Uh, wait… rock!

S12 Shell Games

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Well, now this is very nice indeed [begins the relax on his bed until he melts on the bed to the bathroom tub] Mmm... This is Heaven. [All of a sudden, SpongeBob enters Squidward's room, starts laughing, and exits out.] Hello? [peeks out] Anyone there? Hello? [Squidward shrugs it off and continues relaxing. He then drowns into the tub. Suddenly, Patrick comes from the other side to enter Squidward's room, starts laughing, and exits out.] Hello? Did someone just come in? [Both SpongeBob and Patrick enter Squidward's room until they bump into each other.]

Don't you just love playing Hotel: Slam and Run?

Patrick

I enjoy it an... [puts his tooth back into his mouth] ...intellectual challenge.

[SpongeBob and Patrick stands up, starts laughing, and both run out of Squidward's room. Squidward peeks from the bathroom with a robe on and a towel on his head.]

Alright, I know I heard something in here! Ohh... [rubs his eyes] Maybe I'm just not relaxed enough.

S12 Jolly Lodgers

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Mary

Oh, boys, right here! Oh, I could use a babysitter!

Patrick

Yay!

Ooh! [he and Patrick rush towards Mary] While you go out, and dance, and revel...

Patrick

...We will watch your little devil!

Mary

[SpongeBob and Patrick swirl her around] Yes! [hugs Patrick] Oh, thank you! [hugs SpongeBob then runs off] Thank you!

Wait! Where's the baby?

Mary

She's inside! I'm free! I'm free! Hahahahaha!

[Mary hops away happily while SpongeBob and Patrick look confused at each other. But they both shrug and enter the house.]

S12 Biddy Sitting

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Just wait 'til you see what I've done to your restaurant. [pulling the wheelchair and headed to the Krusty Krab and looks around him and his customers] Nothing. Is it great? Everything's just how you left it. Whenever we have a problem around here, I ask myself what would Mr. Krabs do. [turns Mr. Krabs' wheelchair and makes Mr. Krabs dizzy] And I do that! I even hired a new fry cook since I'm too busy being the boss now. [turns Mr. Krabs' wheelchair to see the new fry cook] Just like you would have done.

[Mr. Krabs makes weird angry sounds and Patrick wearing SpongeBob's pants and spatula is in his bellybutton and put it back and he tried to eat a patty]

Don't worry, I taught him everything I know. [turns Mr. Krabs' wheelchair and makes Mr. Krabs dizzy again]

[Patrick puts the spatula in his mouth and grabs the ketchup. He puts the spatula back in his hand, and the spatula is drooling. He then flips the ketchup with the spatula and puts it on the grill, but the grill is burning, and the ketchup is about to explode. Squidward is reading his book while his shift. Then, his face, part of his book, and one of the windows are covered with ketchup.]

Patrick

Order up! [Squidward gets very angry]

You'll have a better view of my managerial magic from over here. [turns Mr. Krabs' wheelchair and makes Mr. Krabs dizzy again]

S12 Boss for a Day

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GGGoofy Goober manager

I think you better go home and clean up.

Patrick

[whinny] But I haven't had my first ice cream break!

GGGoofy Goober manager

I'll give you another chance tomorrow. If it doesn't work out, I'm afraid you're fired... [clears throat] in a most appreciative way.

S12 The Goofy Newbie

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[while knocking on the door] Barnacles! Open up, yo- you- Huh. Aha! [Mr. Krabs laughs and grunts while going through the mail slot. Then, he falls into a puddle. Mr. Krabs notices an open window and climbs towards it; muttering] Ugh, and I told him to check the windows, didn't I?

[on the phone] Patrick, you've gotta come over to Krabs' place. Someone's trying to break in! [Patrick mumbles] Uh, SquarePants. [Patrick mumbles again] SpongeBob SquarePants. [Patrick mumbles again] No, you're Patrick! [a realistic close-up of SpongeBob's face] Please hurry.

[Mr. Krabs keeps climbing towards the window. Then, he notices Patrick jumping in puddles with his boots.] Huh? Patrick? What's that pink clown doing here? Eh, who cares? SpongeBob will never open the door for him.

Patrick

[Patrick gets to the door] Beep, beep, [Patrick removes his boots] beep.

Great horn spoon! How's he doing that?

[Patrick puts his butt through the mail slot while SpongeBob pulls from the other side of the door. They both crash into the wall.]

[laughs] Thank goodness you don't have any bones, buddy.

Patrick

Nope, all blubber. [close-up on Patrick while he laughs]

S12 Knock Knock, Who's There?

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Patrick

Oh, that's it now. Let it all out.

[sobs] I-I just want to pet the critters. Does that make me an animal? [continues to cry]

Patrick

That mean old zookeeper! [scratches his back] He even looks like a monkey and he smells like one too! [scoffs] You should just make your own zoo.

S12 Who R Zoo?

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[The episode begins at the Chum Bucket where Plankton struggles to build his new invention.]

Karen, can you give me a hand with my new Dodanatron?

Karen

Sorry Sheldon, I'm off to visit my Motherboard. [leaves the Chum Bucket]

[gasps, runs after Karen] Wait! How am I supposed to get anything done without you?

Karen

Don't worry, I put up Help Wanted flyers for an intern. See? [throws intern flyer, and it flies until it hits Plankton's eye]

[sees flyer] Ooh. "INTERN WANTED." Apply today at Chum Bucket Labs? [crumbles flyer] I'm a mad scientist! If getting help was that easy, I wouldn't have built a computer wife!

PPerson

Is this where I apply for the intern job?

[Plankton sees the newly-formed line for his new intern job and gets an exhausted look on his face. Bubble transition to inside the Chum Bucket.]

Ahem. Hello and welcome to Chum Bucket Labs. As an intern, you will gain valuable work experience and a sub-minimum wage. [the crowd sighs and leaves, leaving only Patrick] Well that narrowed it down.

Patrick

I wanna do the science!

[quietly] Oh boy. [bubble transition] Okay, let's see how ya handle scientific equipment. This is my Duplo Maker! It's very, very simple.

Patrick

Oh, like me!

[takes out a coin] Just put this coin in the chamber-

Patrick

Gotcha! [grabs the coin and squishes Plankton]

Ow! No! Just the coin, you idiot! [gasps as Patrick steps inside the machine]

[The Duplo Maker creates a ton of Patrick doubles. It is no longer duplicating, as the door opens and many Patrick clones appear. Plankton then screams and runs as a Patrick double tries to land on him, but fails.]

Oh.

PCPatrick clones

Do we get the job?

I'll tell ya what ya get. [takes out a remote] You get out! [pushes the button on the remote, and a robot hand with a glove smacks the Patrick clones out of the Chum Bucket]

PCPatrick clone #1

Hi, I'm Patrick.

PCPatrick clone #2

No, I'm Patrick.

PCPatrick clone #3

Who's Patrick?

Well, great. Not a single applicant left.

Pearl

Hello? I'm still here.

[shouting as his iris turns into a whale] Whale! [Pearl steps closer to him as he climbs up to his desk] No! Not you! Whales eat Plankton!

Pearl

I don't eat Plankton. That's baby food. I'm just here for the job.

Really? You're not gonna eat me?

Pearl

Eww, no! I just need money, but my dad's such a skinflint with my allowance.

Alright, you're hired. Whatever.

S12 Plankton's Intern

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[Bubble transition to SpongeBob walking to the Krusty Krab, exhausted.]

[tired] For my buddy Patrick. [Patrick is shown eating a poster, holding a winner trophy] I did it, pal. I silenced every bell in town so that you will no longer have a tantrum, buddy.

Patrick

Aww. [picks up SpongeBob] Thank you, best friend. [hugs SpongeBob]

[injured, holding money] I don't care about bells ringing or conditioning customers anymore, 'cause I've got a million dollars! [laughs as he puts the money in the register. He then presses a button on the register in slow motion, causing it to ring; in slow motion] Uh-oh.

[Patrick drops SpongeBob and starts to have another tantrum, breaking the trophy, and kicking the tables and chairs. Mr. Krabs holds SpongeBob in front of him. Patrick bangs the register open, and starts ripping the money to shreds.]

No no no no no no no!

HHerb

[he and Margie appear] Hello, son. We saw you fighting today.

MMargie

On the TV. We're so proud.