“Twisted Christian” quotes from South Park

Butters

[walking up to Clyde, Kenny and Tolkien] Hey, fellas, fellas! You wanna know what time I woke up this morning?

What time?

Butters

[making a hand gesture] Around 6-7!

[all doing the same gesture] 6-7!

All right, everyone, listen up. I’ve got a lot of reports of disruptions in the classroom, and some satanic numerology shit going on. So I want to remind you, this is a power christian school, and I am a power christian principal, and we will be PC! So now I want you to hear from someone who is the authority on biblical prophecies. This person is an absolute expert on the end of days, and the coming of the Anti-Christ. Please welcome, Mr. Peter Thiel.

[entering PC Principal's office] PC Principal, do you have a minute?

Sure, Jesus, what do you need?

I'm starting to wonder if I really fit in here.

Of course you fit in. This school has been a zest-pool of heathen, left-wing little bitches, and only our faith is gonna set them right.

Could I ask… exactly what branch of Christianity are you?

The kind who loves his country and doesn't tolerate any fucking fags.

Yeah, see, I really think I don't belong here.

Look, I understand it's a tough transition. You know, the Vice Principal here had the same conflict as you. But she's really come around.

The Vice Principal? Your wife?

That's right. [talks to the speaker on his desk] Could you send in Strong Christian Woman please? She was saying the same thing that this wasn’t a place for her anymore but just this last weekend she converted to Christianity.

[knocks on the door] You wanted to see me?

Yeah, Strong Christian Woman, I was just telling Jesus about our faith.

Oh, yes, it's been such a blessing.

She converted on Saturday. What do you think, huh? You ever seen a more Christian chick in your fucking life?

N-n-never.

Look, I know it's a hard adjustment, but just stick with it, and you're gonna fit in here just fine, Jesus.