Satan quotes from South Park

[to crowd] Everybody, I'm sorry. Halloween is for you. It's for all of you who make my life so special. If I don't realize that, then I'm no better than a rich American teenage girl.

No, it can't be! You're dead! I killed you!

Yeah, you killed me. So? Where was I going to go, Detroit?

Satan!

Chris!

But I thought Saddam killed you?

Well, yeah, where was I going to go, Detroit?

[after hearing Satan's story] Jesus, what the heck happened to you?

Huh?

You got kicked out of here for being a headstrong rebel. And now you're a whiny little bitch.

The Keanu Reeves boy has been revived on Earth! His soul is no longer in Heaven!

Then GOD is helpless!

Keep your army marching my Lord. I will get that feeding tube removed.

How?

I will do what we always do. Use the Republicans.

Satan, we have a problem.

What?

One of the guests has turned up in a Crocodile Hunter costume, and it's really offending some of the other guests.

Oh, jeez. [walks across the party to a guest in a Crocodile Hunter outfit with a stingray hanging off his chest] Erm, er, dude, the whole Crocodile Hunter thing, it's just a little soon, you know. I mean, he only died a few weeks ago. It's just not cool. Gotta leave.

But it's me, Satan! Steve Irwin! I am the Crocodile Hunter!

Oh. Oh, but then dude, no costume. Sorry, you're going to have to go!

[being dragged away] Wait! I thought we were friends!

Oh, hey Sinatra!

[having been told his guests don't care about the Acura cake] It's not about them, it's about meeeeeeeeee!

Wow, what a jerk.

Then at midnight for dessert, I was thinking we could bring out a giant chocolate fondue fountain.

Oh yeah. P. Daddy had his birthday here a couple of years back and he had one of those.

Oh, screw that, then. I don't want a fondue fountain if P. Daddy had one.

Does it matter?

Yes, it matters! I don't want to do it if Daddy did it!

How about a donut machine?

[to hotel owner] Did Daddy do it?

Daddy did do it.

A full ice cream bar!

Daddy did it.

Damn it, what didn't Daddy do?!

[entering his and Satan's bedroom, carrying a bowl of soup] Hey, Satan! [takes off his pants and shoes] I made you some soup!

[closely inspects it] I don't like carrots.

Ayyy, relax, guy! Carrots are good for you.

[annoyed] I don't want carrots. I ordered cheesecake on DoorDash.

[enters the bedroom, wearing a neck collar after his last incident with falling down the stairs] Mr. President, I really need to speak with you.

Not now, Brendan Carr! Satan won't eat his carrots.

Oh, come on, Satan, you're eating for two now. Carrots are good for you, see? [takes the soup bowl and eats it]

No, Brendan Carr, don't do it!

[stops eating] Whoa, this is the best soup ever. I-- [drops the bowl and starts gagging] Oh, God! [his stomach rumbles loudly as he's about to have severe explosive diarrhea]

Whoa!