Mr. Gallagher, a word. Liam failed his exam today. He only got two out of ten questions correct.
I didn't understand the questions.
What kind of questions are we talking?
Basic word association. "Jennifer blanked the glue and finished her project." The choices were "applied," "kicked," or "sliced." Liam scribbled them out and wrote "sniffed."
Well, technically, it works. What else you got?
"The front door is to the foyer as the back door is to..." The choices were "sidewalk," "kitchen," "street." He wrote "penis."
How the hell would he know what a foyer is? What are we, the Rockefellers?
These questions are standardized across the private school curriculum...
To favor the students who understand the references. This is cultural bias. You'll put his face on your brochure, but you ignore his background.
I understand your concerns, Mr. Gallagher...
Great. What are you gonna do about them?
Where is ledger, for checks?
I would like to see it, please.
I know how to cut a damn check for a damn liquor distributor.
There were three errors last time and cost bar $300. It's unacceptable.
Are you standing here telling me I don't know how to run my business?
I'm standing here telling you that your math is shit.
[Reaches under counter and produces binder pointing with pen] Hold up. Are these the stubs for our paychecks?
You cut two checks. There's three of us.
We all make same amount. It's 50/50.
We own two thirds of the bar. We should be making a third of the profit each, not half.
I work longer shifts. I do all the paperwork. I call when plumbing goes bad.
Excuse me, you do not get to decide how much Kev and I earn.
You work eight hours together. I work eight hours alone. So 50/50.
...
Okay, so let me get this straight. You want to take half the profits, even though you're one person, and you want us to get half, even though we're two people. That's not fair.
You stole our bar. You shouldn't get shit.
Honey, we've moved past that.
Not when she crawls up on me like I'm some sort of weak fool. That's not how this works. We each get 1/3. Period. End of story.
Agreed. You heard her. This time, we get what we want. Now, I'm gonna go get a bucket of extra crispy and a pile of biscuits for lunch. When I get back, we'll go over all the orders and maintenance and shit. Until then, keep your saddle greased and your guns oiled. [Gets up and walks to front door]
[Fiona and Margo are meeting with two black men at The Alibi Room]
And these are contingencies, like appraisals, and, um, inspections and mortgage agreements, but no rush, by the way. It's just for your information.
M1Man 1
We'll have our lawyers look it over.
Well, your office said we could find you here. [Hands over envelope] I have a check for the church. It's a down payment.
The youth shelter. We were gonna lease it, but now we wanna buy it.
Wait, the shelter is you and Trevor?
Come outside a second. I'll be right back. [Fiona and Ian walk out of the diner] Those guys are buying the church.
Wait, has anyone signed anything yet?
Cool, okay, so go tell them not to.
Ian, you don't want that place. It's... it's a piece of shit inside.
Oh, no, we love it. It's perfect.
Well, you'll find another place. I mean, trashed buildings that nobody wanted before are popping up for sale all over.
They'll find another place. We found it first.
The neighborhood is against the shelter.
You, like, speak for the neighborhood now? People wanna feel safe.
My kids wanna feel safe. These guys are South Side. They want to give back. They want to engage the community, provide programs for kids in need. Kids like yours!
My kids don't need art classes. They need homes. They're at-risk.
They're not at-risk, they are risk, Ian. That girl you brought into our house bit off a dick!
That's exactly why she needs help!
I have worked too hard and risked too much of my ass and put it on the...
I promised those kids that church, Fiona. I am not tearing it...
Find another fucking church! [He walks away unsatisfied]
[Opens door and JJ bursts in with unconscious girlfriend] Who the hell is this?!
JJJ
This is my girlfriend, all right? [Lays girlfriend on couch] I was at Betty Ford three times. It didn't work for me, cost a fortune. You cleaned me up in five days. Here. That's cash, from my parents. It's five grand, plus, Nora-Jean's folks are gonna give you $2,500 for the Beaver Trap Detox Special.
Can I get a coffee, two sugars, and a bran muffin, please?
[They do hand slaps] Hey, what's up, man? [Has a realisation] Hey, can I ask you something?
How did you know you were gay? Were you, like, straight, and then started experimenting and just decided that you liked being gay more?
I... guess I just kinda knew.
So you were always positive that you were into dudes more?
I... no, I guess not really. You know when you're younger, everyone tells you that you're supposed to be into girls. So I, I kinda went through this weird phase in fifth grade where I was really into this chick Carrie Yazel, but I'm pretty sure it's just 'cause she was the one who looked most like a dude. It wasn't until...
Ian, soy latte no foam, extra hot. Two sugars and a muffin. Yours is paid for. The guy at the end of the counter. I gotta run.
Are you trying to fuck me?
MMMuffin man
N-n-no. No, I j- I just- I, uh- no.
'Cause it's not a... It's not a bad thing if you were. I'm not offended. And I'm not saying no.
MMMuffin man
I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Um, once a week, I... I try and do a good deed.
So... So you're not hitting on me?
MMMuffin man
No. No. No, no. It was totally random. I really... I hope you're not offended, because, you know, I... I just... You're a good looking dude and everything, I'm just...
MMMuffin man
Okay. Thanks.
MMMuffin man
Have a nice day.
MMMuffin man
For what? No. No, it's not code for anything. It just means "have a nice day."
[Playful tone] Have a nice day. [Winks at him and walks away]
CCami
If you do find him, don't bring him back. Unless he's sober. He used up all nine of his lives.
Brad's been a rock for us. And we want to return the favor.
CCami
[Hands baby to Lip] Would you mind? I'll get the tea. It's so nice having somebody to talk to. We waited four years... Four years... To have a baby, hoping Brad could handle it.
[Cami hands cup to him] Thank you.
CCami
And the second we do, he goes off the wagon.
Listen, Cami, you should be pissed, of course, but it's a disease, you know, and he's fighting it.
CCami
I can't be worried about two babies. I have to be worried about where the next paycheck is coming from and then feeding that one! You're a natural.
CCami
There you go. There you go. Hey there. [Puts baby in crib] I know. Sorry. I love Brad. Sober Brad. If he wants to kill himself... he has to leave us out of it.
PPharmacist
May I help you?
Yes, hi. I called in an order for the morning after pill.
PPharmacist
No, you didn't. It's not by prescription.
PPharmacist
$65 and your ID, please. Yes, thank you. Sorry, you have to be 17 in Missouri to buy the pill.
What? No. I'm almost 17. That's ridiculous. If I'm not 17, I have to have another baby? That doesn't even make any sense. Well, what am I supposed to do? God. Fuckin' Missouri.
The hell is that sticking out of the truck?
I think it's Michael Jordan's arm.
United Center? [Opens door to find truck cab stuffed with pastries] You got to be fucking kidding me. Apparently he looted a bakery.
Okay. Shit's now getting dark. What are we gonna find next, a body? Why do you even care about this dude? He's a psycho.
Done worse. It's extensions, see?
So? What does that even mean?
It's like a goddamn puzzle. It means he's a drunk. Come on, help me get the arm.
'Cause if Bulls fans find it in Brad's truck, they're gonna skin him alive. Come on.
What the hell are you gonna do with it? It weighs like 1,000 pounds.
Have you guys ever experimented? Like in chemistry class?
No, not a chemistry experiment. But, like, you know... sexually?
Nope. You mean like rolling her over?
...
Gotta look sharp for my Employee of the Month portrait session. Just another rung up the ladder, boys. Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.
Hey. Hi, Franny. Good morning. How are you? It's Mommy. I'll be back in just a few minutes. Sweetie. I know someday you may want a brother or sister, but... right now I need to make sure I can finish welding school so I can get a sweet job and we can get a house, a yard, and a swing set... how about that? Wouldn't that be fun? But right now if I had another baby, that would be a really big disaster. [Yoli walks out of pharmacy and Debbie chases her] Hey, did you get it?! Hey! Where's my pill?! [Grabs woman's hair and they fall to ground fighting]
YYoli
Get off of me! You slut!
[From phone on ground] Mama.
You know what I just realized?
If I were gay, I would be all over you. You're gorgeous, and I already love you, but... I'm just not interested in your vagina. And that tells me that I'm not a lesbian. Simple logic.
Does this have anything to do with the Russian invasion of your pussoir again?
There's something about that angry bitch that gets me off even when I want to stab her with a rusty carving knife.
It's pretty obvious, isn't it? You like it when she bosses you around.
I do not like it. It pisses me off.
Well, it doesn't piss off your vagina. V, you like to be dominated.
Dominated? Have you met me?
