There's got to be something that you can do. You can't just let her win.
VeronicaKev went to go see that lawyer you used about suing, but he said it'll take years.
The Alibi is yours, not Svetlana's. It's not right.
Veronica
Where's Carl? Wasn't he coming?
Yeah, I texted him the address.
Isn't she here illegally? You were never legally married to the bitch, right? She was already married to her dad.
Veronica
Yvon. Wasn't really her dad.
So? Call Immigration on her commie ass. They'll ship her back to Mongolia or wherever.
[Veronica enters Alibi Room disapproving of how Svetlana has transformed the bar to proselytize Russian culture]
Veronica
What the hell happened in here?
Halfprice drinks to anybody who can order in Russian.
It took me a week to learn pivo pozhaluysta, and I still think I'm saying it wrong.
She only plays Red Army parades on the TV. Won't even change it for the Sox games.
So... you come back. It's about time. We need to talk.
Veronica
No shit. I want you to do the right thing.
Svetlana Which is what?
Veronica
Give us our bar back.
Veronica
Hell no.
Then no. You and big, handsome Kevin husband. are stupid people. You need caring for like babies.
Veronica
We trusted you, and you lied to us.
You would have lost the bar. You would have lost everything. You didn't pay taxes for two years. I stayed up all night doing books while you two sleep. You should be in here thanking me instead of whining like little baby. You want to go back to old way, fine. Otherwise, get your chorny ass out of my bar. [Veronica punches Svetlana who retaliates with Veronica headbutting her which which escalates into a fight with them both rolling on the floor]
Should we try to stop them?
Not until some clothes come off.
Veronica
So no more Tinder?
Nope, V, I'm done with it. No more pointless sex bent over a dirty sink in a club bathroom or scraping my ass on a rusty alley dumpster with my underwear pushed down around my ankles. [To man staring at her] Eat your quinoa. [To Veronica] A few weeks ago, I had this joker. He comes, and then he bursts out crying. Turns out his wife had just dumped him. I was stuck there for, like, an hour consoling him, when all I really wanted was to go home to my own bed.
Veronica
You could have just left.
What kind of person would I be if I just left him there like that?
Veronica
The kind of person who uses Tinder to intentionally avoid intimacy on an almost daily basis.
It's not daily. I just... I can't be that person who wakes up in the wet spot of some guy whose name I can't even remembers again.
Veronica
I would kill for a wet spot. With Kev on nights and me on days, we barely see each other, much less make a mess in the sheets.
What if I run over Svetlana with Kevin's truck? It'd be vehicular manslaughter, right? I'd get, what, eight years? Probably do four. I could do four years.
Veronica
It's enough already with the "killing Svetlana" fantasies.
Tragic bathroom slip and fall? I hide in the shower, hit her on the top of the head with the toilet lid. Make it look like an accident.
RRealtor
I am realtor. Hired by owner to sell shit-hole bar.
Veronica
Svetlana.
She can't do that, can she?
Veronica
She own, she can. That's it. Enough of this shit. [Grabs Yvegeny and stomps out] Show her nothing, Kev.
Do you examine your breasts on a regular basis?
Veronica
Sign over the bar to me and I'll tell them that we were legit married and this was all just a big mistake.
No. I will sell my bar and live like a queen in Russia with all my money.
Veronica
Bullshit. Your dream is a Quiznos in Kansas.
I keep two-thirds of bar.
Veronica
One-third, and you pay Kev's medical bills. You also agree to take care of the three kids three days a week.
Veronica
No.
I manage bar and all bills.
Veronica
We do that together, and you teach me what I don't know.
I teach you. But Kev, he is too stupid for math.
Veronica
It's the inbreeding.
Veronica
We have a deal?
I can't believe I'm about to meet my real life family. Didn't know I had any relatives. How am I supposed to greet them? Do we hug? Kiss on the cheek? I don't wanna get it wrong.
Veronica
All of my family reunions start with my aunts blaming each other for who fucked up the potato salad.
Wow, look at all the birds. It's all so green. It's the land of my people.
Veronica
Looks like one of those movies where the black folks die first.
RRonnie
This is your pa after a fight, God rest his soul. His face is a little bloody after beating Buddy Smith within an inch of his life for calling your grandma a whore. We are true Kentuckians. Stand up for family.
Wow. That... that's what I do. I didn't know it was a Kentucky thing.
RRonnie
These are your brothers, Biff and Barry after going deer hunting. I got their first kill right up there on the wall. And that is your Uncle Travis with one of his biggest catfish catches.
You use your arm as bait?
TTravis
Used my fist and my arm. Stick it in the hole, catfish chomps down on it, pull him out.
TTravis
Heh, hurts a little bit but it's a hell of a lot of fun.
RRonnie
And that's your sister Bambi. She used to think the camera flash was a poltergeist. [Laughs]
And what about my mother?
RRonnie
[Sucks in teeth] She ran off, sweetie. We never heard from her again. About the same time we lost you.
Why did you leave me at the gas station?
RRonnie
[Sighs] It was an accident, Barty. Your daddy went to pee and he left you at the double bubble machine because you loved to watch those little gumballs. And... he thought that I grabbed you and I thought that he grabbed you and the car was full of kids and didn't none of us know till we drove ten hours into the next state. You'll see. Tomorrow, when the whole family comes over for the barbecue... You never left our hearts.
Veronica
[Refers to framed photo above fireplace] Who's this?
TTravis
That's Great Grandpa Colonel Joe Petersman. He was a decorated raider in the Civil War.
Veronica
[Referring to two African-Americans on either sides of him] Who're the two guys behind him?
RRonnie
Jessup and Harold. Old members of the family.
Where is ledger, for checks?
Veronica
I took care of it.
I would like to see it, please.
Veronica
I know how to cut a damn check for a damn liquor distributor.
There were three errors last time and cost bar $300. It's unacceptable.
Veronica
Are you standing here telling me I don't know how to run my business?
I'm standing here telling you that your math is shit.
Veronica
[Reaches under counter and produces binder pointing with pen] Hold up. Are these the stubs for our paychecks?
Veronica
You cut two checks. There's three of us.
We all make same amount. It's 50/50.
Veronica
We own two thirds of the bar. We should be making a third of the profit each, not half.
I work longer shifts. I do all the paperwork. I call when plumbing goes bad.
Veronica
Excuse me, you do not get to decide how much Kev and I earn.
You work eight hours together. I work eight hours alone. So 50/50.
...
Okay, so let me get this straight. You want to take half the profits, even though you're one person, and you want us to get half, even though we're two people. That's not fair.
Veronica
You stole our bar. You shouldn't get shit.
Honey, we've moved past that.
Veronica
Not when she crawls up on me like I'm some sort of weak fool. That's not how this works. We each get 1/3. Period. End of story.
Agreed. You heard her. This time, we get what we want. Now, I'm gonna go get a bucket of extra crispy and a pile of biscuits for lunch. When I get back, we'll go over all the orders and maintenance and shit. Until then, keep your saddle greased and your guns oiled. [Gets up and walks to front door]
Veronica
Damn.
Veronica
You are so beautiful.
Veronica
You know what I just realized?
Veronica
If I were gay, I would be all over you. You're gorgeous, and I already love you, but... I'm just not interested in your vagina. And that tells me that I'm not a lesbian. Simple logic.
Does this have anything to do with the Russian invasion of your pussoir again?
Veronica
There's something about that angry bitch that gets me off even when I want to stab her with a rusty carving knife.
It's pretty obvious, isn't it? You like it when she bosses you around.
Veronica
I do not like it. It pisses me off.
Well, it doesn't piss off your vagina. V, you like to be dominated.
Veronica
Dominated? Have you met me?
I tried, okay? But I'm not even part gay. I'm just a boring hetero dude. So go ahead, you and Svet can have your spasgasms. I'll just be here on the couch, jerking off.
Veronica
Well, it was brave of you to try.
The truth is, I just wanted to make you jealous.
Veronica
Like I am. You don't have to be jealous, babe. I think Fiona helped me realize what her real power is over me. It's not the vagina.
What could be more powerful than a vagina?
Veronica
It's her bitchiness. It's not women. It's being dominated.
Well, great. Maybe I could do that for you.
Veronica
You?
Sure. Why not? What could I do? Just tell me. Give me some ideas. I'll try anything you ask.
Veronica
I'm yours to command.
Just tell me... how to dominate you.
Veronica
I think you're missing the point, babe.
All right, I'll go. I'll be right back and boss you around, okay?
[Kevin is watching BDSM porn on his laptop with his toddler daughters in front of him]
Veronica
Kev, we're out of toilet paper. Can you get some today?
Hey, is this the thing you were talking about, with wanting to be dominated? 'Cause it looks painful. I mean, look at the guy with the pole up his ass. He's sad in his eyes.
Veronica
You really think you should be watching Triple-X Hardcore with the girls?
I have the volume on mute.
Veronica
I just want to feel a tiny bit controlled. You telling me what to do. You be in charge instead of me being in charge. Is that so hard?
No, it's just, you know... We haven't had spicy... salsa since the girls.
Veronica
Mm, all the more reason to caliente it up.
Okay, so what do you want me to do? Buy some props, some leather, or what?
Veronica
I don't know, Kev. You be in charge.
All right, fine. I'll see you later today. Or maybe I won't. I'm being mysterious.
Veronica
I'm late. [Kisses him] Love you.
Veronica
[Kisses daughters individually] And you. Love you, love you.
Veronica
Burn this into your mind. Ready to take on Svetlana today?
Dominance is in my DNA. It was hibernating inside me like a baby bear. But now I'm woke. Mm. Grown and grizzly.
Veronica
You wanna practice the rules again?
I'm a man, V. Men don't practice. We perform.
Veronica
Svetlana is a professional ballbuster. You gotta come strong.
Oh, I'm gonna lay down the law at The Alibi. No more Mr. Nice Guy. There are new rules, there's a new attitude, and... I want to be called "sir." "Sir Kev." No, nah, just... just "sir." Maybe "Sir Ball"?
Veronica
I want her wearing a uniform. One of those ugly grandma blouse that you tie up to the neck. I'm tired of her flashing her ta-tas all around.
From now on, your ta-tas will be the only ta-tas getting flashed. This bacon? It's not crispy enough. Do it again. Dominance. Boom.
New rule. No more of your ta-tas hanging out. This is a decent establishment. There will be a dress code.
[Veronica holds up modest shirt] This is shirt to bury Catholic nun in, huh? Not to sell drinks.
Veronica
It's your new uniform. This will teach you a lesson that you don't fuck over the people you love.
[In Russian] Unless those people are stupid.
"Tupyye. Tupyye." You say that a lot. It means "stupid," right? [Grabs Svetlana's chin and turns her face to his] Well, here's a new new rule. You don't call us stupid anymore. [Svetlana jerks face away, grabs shirt, walks away and Kevin says to Veronica] Dominance. Boom.
[To Kevin and Veronica] I am looking for Svetlana Yevgenivna, pozhaluista.
Veronica
Svetlana! Customer!
Freelania Alexeyevich? [In Russian] Fuck, can not be.
I am blast from whoring past, no?
[In Russian] We go aside to talk.
Veronica
Hey! No speaking Russian!
Five minutes and you're back unloading the liquor stock.
You helped to smuggle me into this country. Freelania Alexeyevich always repays her debts. You said you would drop dead before I could find anyone to turn me from whore to wife. I would like to see you die now, please.
Not true. You were always ugly bottom-feeder, only good for hand jobs.
Very true. It's too bad you are still... bitter prostitute slave working for poor people. If you weren't such a cunt, madam, you might be able to marry well too. $4,500 for 40 pounds of lube and vagina cleanse. Debt repaid. Now you are a "ugly bottom-feeder."
Veronica
Break time's over. [Throws trash bag at Svetlana's feet]
[Svetlana follows Freelania outside who gets into a Bentley Contininental and drives away with Svetlana mouthing "bitch"]
...
Veronica
Svetlana's been on that laptop all day. I don't trust it.
Think she's plotting revenge?
Veronica
This is the same chick who offed her husband/father and no one's ever found the body.
Permission to take cigarette break, Sir... Ball?
Veronica
She gonna kill us.
...
Veronica
How long Svetlana been on her break?
Feels like a long time, right?
Veronica
Kev, this isn't good. I told you, she is plotting something against us. Some Russian chick comes in here yesterday, and ever since, Svetlana's been acting weird.
That's it. I'm gonna put a stop to this. Domination time. [He and Veronica walk up to Svetlana] All right, what's on the laptop?!
New rule: no personal business at work. Open the laptop.
Veronica
New rule: show us what's on the laptop or get shipped to the gulag.
[In Russian] I'm not showing you shit.
Show us what's on the damn computer, or we're gonna call Immigration.
Veronica
New rule: no deal.
KVKevin and Veronica
Show us the fucking laptop!
Fine! [Turns around laptop] You want to see what I'm doing? I am looking up fact after fact about rich old fuck who's about to marry a bottom-rate whore who I helped smuggle into this country. She gets to have American dream, live life of beauty and privilege while I sit here and get shit on by two ex-lovers who still treat me like a prostitute slave, who make me wear a vampire blouse just to strip me of the last bit of dignity that I still have.
Shameless · 903 quotes
