A character in Shameless
Played by Jeremy Allen White
Shameless · 903 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Shameless: in 180 of its 903 quotes
Most scenes with: Ian Gallagher (48), Carl Gallagher (39), Fiona Gallagher (35)
Let me do something for you. What do you need? Money? Something for college?
LipI'm not in college anymore.
Why not?
LipGot drunk. Smashed a car up with a crowbar.
They kick you out for that? Kids get drunk and smash shit up all the time. It's what college is for. Those jerks. Well, in ten years, when you cure cancer, they're gonna come at you with an honorary...
LipHey, Monica, fuck off!
LipFucking Monica. What the fuck?
You saw her, I'm guessin'?
[Frank and Monica are walking down street to the Gallagher residence with Lip coming in to the house oppositely]
Hey. Aww, honey. Whoa.
You look like shit. Looking like a chip off the old block there, son.
Did you go on a bender alone?
LipFuck off, huh? [Turns to house]
Booze bums you out. Change chemicals. [Offers Lip a cigarette who swipes it away and she chuckles] All right, well, next time we'll all get shitfaced together.
LipI'd rather drink my own piss.
Try a speedball after a bender. Next day, you'll be moving like a pro.
Am I gonna have to hire a new dishwasher? 'Cause if I catch you drinking on the job again...
LipYou want to breathalyze me? What's that for?
I sold the laundromat.
LipShit, already? How much you lose?
I didn't. Can you believe it? Once I pay off the mortgage and pay Etta back for the improvements, I'll have 75 grand. God, I know I should take it to the bank, but fuck, I can't stop staring at it. I didn't think I'd make this much money in my life.
LipYeah, you better, uh, cash that before it bounces.
Hey, do you know anything about, uh, mutual funds or IRAs? Figure I should be smart with the money after I blow a little on something fun. Can you pretend to be happy for me?
LipOh, no, I gotta go. You know, those of us in the underclass, we have shit to do.
LipShe look dead to you?
Uh, I only saw her for a second when they were putting her in the ambulance.
She shit herself? People shit themselves when they die. That's why they put diapers on psycho killers before they give 'em the lethal injection.
I touched her when they put her in the ambulance. She was still warm.
Could have still been dead. Body only loses a couple degrees of heat an hour after you kick it.
Really?
Lots of things in the body are still alive. Hair, the skin, the nails, all the bacteria in your guts. And you don't start to swell up for at least a couple of days, and then your eyes pop out, skin falls off, then you explode.
Kev.
What? [Veronica motions eyes to senior woman across waiting room]
Gallagher?
[Sighs] Yeah.
Monica your mother?
Yeah. Um, Fiona. Philip and Debbie.
Hi. Your mother came in unresponsive. We made every attempt to revive her but we were unsuccessful.
So she's dead?
Yes.
LipDrug overdose?
No, uh, she died from a massive cerebral hemorrhage. A blood vessel in her brain burst.
[Wakes up] You smell bacon? [Goes to kitchen to see Carl] Hey, Carl. Oh, my God. Hi! [Hugs Carl] Wow!
LipHoly shit, it's Lieutenant Dan! Come here, man. [Hugs Carl] Oh, I gotta salute you now or something?
Where did you get all this stuff?
I stopped by the Aldi on the way from the train station.
Well, why didn't you just call me? I could have picked you up.
You have a car?
Mm-hmm.
LipShe's a rich lady now.
Look at those stripes and ribbons! [Hugs Carl and lifts him up] You're a general now? Hey, Cadet Corporal, get to kick some lazy freshman ass.
Everybody, is scrambled all right?
Yeah.
[Comes in side door with a box of doughnuts] Just the neighbors, bringing 10,000-calorie sugar bombs.
Nice!
Yo, Carl! [Comes in side door and laughs] Look at you! The ghetto ninja warrior! Should I be afraid, your hands licensed to kill now? What's up?
Carl! Hey, you're home. Hey. Neil, Carl's back.
Anybody up for going to the mortuary with me later, figure out what to do with Monica?
LipWe can't just leave her there?
Uh, called in sick the last couple of days. I gotta work.
Yeah, I got something I have to do this morning, then I got my shift over at Patsy's.
Hey, I'll go.
Really?
Yeah, sure.
LipI can come. With the Alibi gone, I've got nothing but time.
What happened to the Alibi?
Svetlana stole it from them.
How do you steal a bar?
Russian KGB sneaky Putin shit. I'm working at the Fairy Tail now.
You are?
I'm making "beau-coo" tips. Ancient queens love the impossible-to-get thing. Even more Benjamins to be had if I let the old dudes give me hand jobs.
Not gonna happen.
[Struggling to help Neil in the washroom] Little help here.
I mean, a hand's a hand, right?
That's what I said!
LipUh, I don't know. I prefer the hands yanking my Johnson to be soft, petite, and wearing nail polish.
Oh, there's plenty of that over at the Fairy Tail.
Why don't I just pick him up and you pull out his thing? Feel good to piss standing up again won't it, big man?
I guess.
[Enters kitchen] Smells good. I like Corporal Carl in the kitchen.
LipDoesn't taste half bad, either.
[Referring to Lip's plate portion] Eating for two? A boy or a girl, huh? [Rubs Lip's belly]
LipI'm just trying to fight the urge to drink with extreme nausea.
Sounds healthy.
Hey, I could try to move your meth today.
About time. I'll go get it.
Hey, it's not like there's an eBay for this. Shit takes time.
Yo, yo, yo. What up, homeboys? Lip, you're 21, right?
LipI'm 23, but that's fine.
You're in the ballpark.
LipWhy?
What would another 21-year-old wear to a- a job interview?
LipWell, a fucking 52-year-old who was in a delusional crack haze thinking he was 21 would wear the green shirt that doesn't belong to him.
I was gonna pick the same one. Young minds think alike.
You got a job interview?
LipWhat, are you looking to collect disability again, Frank?
That was the old Frank. This Frank is different. I wish you kids could've known me before Monica coiled her body around my neck, choked to death the man I was meant to be. You're about to witness the rebirth of a proactive member of society.
LipJesus.
Lip[Ian takes bag of meth from Lip] Hey, just-- just give that back a sec. What the fuck's with you?
It's the last thing she left us. Once it's gone, so is she.
LipIt's crystal meth. What, are you getting sentimental?
Eh, just kinda hit me. I don't know.
Jesus.
[Carl takes bag from Ian] Hey!
For that, I'm taking a bigger percentage. A dipshit cut.
[Shoves middle finger against Carl's face] Gotta get to work. [Goes out door]
LipAll right, so he tells me to piss off.
You told me to piss off first time I met you.
LipNo, I didn't.
Right, you just accused me of wanting to suck your dick.
LipLook, he's... he's covered in puke, passed out, facedown on his broken arms, and I clean him up. Right? Which is way more than I've ever done for my prick of a father. So why am I feeling guilty that I'm not over there wiping his ass for him?
Well, maybe it's because he wiped your ass for you when you needed it.
LipFuck that, he just wrote a check.
Yeah, with money that he worked hard to earn and didn't owe you. You... you know what you haven't been since your old professor ran his car into a house, though?
LipWhat?
Depressed. Know why? 'Cause fixing a fellow human's even better than fixing a bike. And by the way, it's how we stay sober... by being of service, and by wiping asses when they need wiping. And by helping other drunks get what we got. [Sighs] You... y... you think I like listening to your shit? [Scoffs] I don't.
LipNo?
No. 'Cause I'm a self-centered prick like you, but... when I listen to your shit, I feel better.
LipSo, it's a selfish thing.
Yeah, now you're getting it.
Lip[Answers phone] Gimme a sec, be right there.
Lip[On phone] Yeah, you handle DUI? No, no, it's... it's for a friend. Sure, yeah, I can hold.
Wasting your time.
LipHey, shut up and eat your fries. Yeah, I'm still here. Um, I don't know. He blew a...
1.8. I promise I won't drive anywhere.
LipSorry, yeah. I'm still here, yeah. He blew a 1.8. Yeah, he hit a house. Um, but he didn't injure anyone. Got lucky. First DUI? No, it's his second.
Fifth.
LipWhat? No, sorry. It's, um... it's his fifth DUI. Hello? Prick hung up on me.
Told you you're wasting your time.
LipFifth DUI? I mean, h... how does that even happen?
Ask me again when you're 60.
[Ian and Carl are counting money on family room couch]
Lip[Comes in] Monica's ex found us?
Yeah, he tried to drown me in my own hot tub. Ian and I got, like, nine grand between us. You got any money left?
LipUh, no. Only a couple hundred. I had to pay off some debts. Debs?
Doesn't have any.
Spent it all on equipment and welding school. I'm broke.
Liam?
Yeah?
You have, uh, any idea what Fiona did with your meth?
No.
LipWe have to ask her.
No.
Hell no.
LipWell, has somebody got a better idea? Something you can sell? I mean, someone you know that could loan us that kind of money?
Hey, Debs, how about Neil?
He literally just broke up with me. He said I'm a horrible person.
[Comes in holding something furry] Evening, family.
Jesus, Frank!
Whoa.
Is that a squirrel?
What the hell is that?
Roadkill, I'm afraid. I'll give him a proper burial tomorrow.
LipJesus.
Indeed.
LipFrank, do you have any cash? We gotta pay this Eric guy, for real.
Of course. [Hands over cash wad]
LipThanks. Seven fucking dollars?
We could rob where you work. Know where they keep the safe?
Absolutely not.
You're the one that got us into this shit, Frank.
Monica. Not me. And it's Francis now. I no longer resonate with a hard K.
[Sighs] Oh, fuck it.
LipLet's talk to Fiona.
Yep.
[Lip, Ian, Debbie and Carl are in the apartment that Fiona is renovating and she is sitting on floor with back against wall]
If we weren't so screwed, we wouldn't ask for your help.
The dude almost drowned me in my own hot tub.
You don't have to help us, but it would be really helpful if you could just tell us... tell us what you did with the last two pounds of meth.
[Fiona sighs and gets up to them lined up like a bootcamp rollcall]
Is this the part where you lecture us? 'Cause if you could just speed it up a little bit, that...
You wanna be a smartass, or do you want my help? I'm taking my time with this because I want you all to remember this... how hard you tried not to have to come to me. Because if you didn't have to come to me, then maybe you could just get through all this without having to admit... one simple truth. Which is that I was right. When I told you that keeping the meth... was a bad idea...
LipMm-hmm.
[Whispers] ...I was right. When I begged you not to take it... I was right. When I told you that selling it and turning yourselves into fucking meth dealers was a terrible decision that could go horribly wrong, I was... super fucking right.
Well...
I am the one who saw to your survival...
[Ian groans]
...since you were babies. I am the only reason that you are still breathing and have limbs intact. So, I want you to remember this moment. So that the next time that I try to warn you against a plan that Frank and Monica thought was a good idea, maybe... just... maybe you will fucking listen!
Are you gonna tell us where the meth is or not, Fiona?
I am, Debs. I am. Right after every single one of you says... "you were right."
[Ian sighs]
"And I was wrong, Fiona."
Are you serious?
[Laughs] Yeah.
[Ian and Carl come in the door to kitchen]
Violating a veteran of the Armed Forces requires an immediate show of counterinsurgency. Shock and awe for those bitches.
[Hands Lip a flyer] Don't ask.
LipFuck's a neighborhood watch?
A club of George Zimmerman-type of pussies who aren't trained for military action.
Oh, I think it's a group version of not minding your own business.
Fiona's gonna be pissy.
LipWhy, what'd you do?
Let Sean in.
What? Sean? Sean?! He was here?!
Yep, then he left.
LipFiona's gonna kill him.
Sun salutations, fruits of my loins. Am I hearing correctly? The Sean has returned?
Yep.
This is a test of our family's spiritual growth. I forgive him and wish him peace on his journey.
LipHow much longer are we gonna be putting up with St. Francis of the Southside?
Permanent life change is a daily practice, Lip. I've just entered my symbolic 30s and they require a new sense of maturity.
What happened to your symbolic 20s?
We grow up fast in the age of enlightenment.
LipThat's great, so Frank's in his early 30s and I'm back in puberty. I'm getting a boner every morning and having to whack off.
You're not getting laid?
LipNo, it's part of the rules of sobriety. You know, I'm supposed to stay away from relationships... for a while.
Ooh, beware of rules, son. Real change happens when you reset your internal clock.
LipThanks for the fatherly advice.
Your 30s are all about becoming a stand-up man. And learning to embrace fatherhood.
Too bad you're out of kids to screw up.
That's so not true. I've still got Liam. He's the only Gallagher who hasn't been ruined by that whirlwind known as Monica. And I'm going to parent him the way I should've been parenting all along, right, son? Let's get you to school on time. The first step in good parenting... Punctuality. Let's go.
If you do find him, don't bring him back. Unless he's sober. He used up all nine of his lives.
LipBrad's been a rock for us. And we want to return the favor.
[Hands baby to Lip] Would you mind? I'll get the tea. It's so nice having somebody to talk to. We waited four years... Four years... To have a baby, hoping Brad could handle it.
[Cami hands cup to him] Thank you.
And the second we do, he goes off the wagon.
LipListen, Cami, you should be pissed, of course, but it's a disease, you know, and he's fighting it.
I can't be worried about two babies. I have to be worried about where the next paycheck is coming from and then feeding that one! You're a natural.
LipI think it was all him.
There you go. There you go. Hey there. [Puts baby in crib] I know. Sorry. I love Brad. Sober Brad. If he wants to kill himself... he has to leave us out of it.
LipThat's his truck.
The hell is that sticking out of the truck?
I think it's Michael Jordan's arm.
LipUnited Center? [Opens door to find truck cab stuffed with pastries] You got to be fucking kidding me. Apparently he looted a bakery.
Okay. Shit's now getting dark. What are we gonna find next, a body? Why do you even care about this dude? He's a psycho.
LipDone worse. It's extensions, see?
So? What does that even mean?
LipIt's like a goddamn puzzle. It means he's a drunk. Come on, help me get the arm.
Why?
Lip'Cause if Bulls fans find it in Brad's truck, they're gonna skin him alive. Come on.
What the hell are you gonna do with it? It weighs like 1,000 pounds.
LipYeah, I know.
Frank GallagherWilliam H. Macy · 255 quotes
Fiona GallagherEmmy Rossum · 190 quotes
Carl GallagherEthan Cutkosky · 168 quotes
Debbie GallagherEmma Kenney · 141 quotes
Ian GallagherCameron Monaghan · 127 quotes
Veronica FisherShanola Hampton · 125 quotes
Kevin BallSteve Howey · 115 quotes
Mickey MilkovichNoel Fisher · 58 quotes
LiamChristian Isaiah · 50 quotes
SvetlanaIsidora Goreshter · 35 quotes
TommyMichael Patrick McGill · 27 quotes
Sheila JacksonJoan Cusack · 23 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Shameless pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
