[disappointed] I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again.
RockDon't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. [hands him a letter]
[reads the letter] "Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!" [later cut to him talking to a therapist] I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! [lightning bolts flash behind him once again]
TTherapist
And where do you think that comes from?
[starts crying] I don't know!
[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: "The Gang's All Here" and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]
CCreepo
I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. [hisses at a car that just passed him] I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! [holds up a jar of his chest hair]
DDave
Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave.
Rock
See?
[enters the trio's apartment] I heard you guys got Stephernie. I got Stephernie!
Rock
How? How do you see that?
Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. [he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]
I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. [to Sandpaper] What's Stephernie's last name?!
Good. [to Baron Von Snootsberg] Walk like Stephernie! [Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey] Good. [to Female Robot Executive] In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house?
FRFemale Robot Executive
Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party!
[Paper sighs in relief]
That's exactly what she said.
[nervously] Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… [everyone looks at him, suspicious] in a Stephernie way. [walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]
FRFemale Robot Executive
Yes, that checks out.
Rock
[on the phone with Paper] You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior.
[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth] You just said you're breaking into a TV studio!
Rock
For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake!
Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie.
Rock
Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars.
[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything] Not a Stephernie, huh?
[pleading for mercy] I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me!
[kneels down] Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana?
Seriously, what is this show?
It's "The Paper Show"! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. [Logan gets up and walks away] The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... [throws some things which are deadly and screams] Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? [drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing] No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.
Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?
Rock
Kumquat!
[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]
[rapping] When I say "Paper", you say "rules". Paper-
RSRock, Scissors, Pencil, & Lou
No.
Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.
[everyone gasps in horror]
Rock
What did you say?
I don't think they're funny.
[everyone gasps again]
Rock
Wet and Nasties?
[to Pencil and Rock] Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… are funny.
[mumbling to himself while working] Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.
Hey, Paper. What are you working on?
[turns around with an angry face] I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy!
Rock
Whoa.
Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it.
Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! [karate kicks a wall and runs off]
Rock
We might have made him a little too angry.
Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry.
Rock
[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling] Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always.
[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]
Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that.
Rock
[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground] Scissors, are you alright?
Rock
[looks at Scissors' right arm] Looks okay to me. [sees his broken left arm] Oh, the broken arm.
[whining] Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this.
Rock
Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. [opens the case and springs pop out of it] It's also a comedy school.
Rock
We gotta get Paper.
No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, "I was right" like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me?
Rock
I'm with you. [high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing] Oh, right. Your arm.
[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work] Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. [he goes to the roof instead] However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- [he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully] I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. [whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster] Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. [accidentally breaks the chair] Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. [tries to push the fridge to make it fall] And is this fridge gonna fall? [straining] Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on!
Rock
Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them?
FSFuture Scissors
[while wearing a horse costume] You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?
But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home!
There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything!
Rock
Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.
Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.
Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.
WWaitress
I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.
[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]
Rock
Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.
Uh… [touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger] Flub-Bub.
WWaitress
[swoons] Oh, Flub-Bub.
[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]
Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.
FBFlub-Bub
[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice] Flub-Bubby!
Rock
Oh.
Totally forgot about that.
Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure.
Rock
And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions.
But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year.
Rock
You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too.
[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]
Rock
There were hamsters in there?
[to Scissors] How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds!
SRScissors & Rock
[both gasp; simultaneously] I completed my New Year's resolution!
Let's sharpen our pens! [sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]
Rock
Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen my pen! [does the same thing like Scissors did]
[Words appear reading: "Don't try this at home. Obviously."]
[annoyed while he facepalms] Doofuses. [suddenly gets an idea] Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know!
CNConvenient News Reporter
This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like.
[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]
Rock
[shocked] Oh, no, we're hurting people!
Rock
[attempting to return all the free stuff] I'm giving it back!
[trying to stop him] You're not giving it back!
[barges into the apartment] Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… [looks around at all the free stuff] have no idea what this is.
Rock
Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. [A pink flamingo walks past them] I don't even know what we complained about to get that.
Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's bad, because people who complain are automatically viewed as right.
See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified.
Rock
Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island?
Rock Paper Scissors · 174 quotes
