Pencil quotes from Rock Paper Scissors

Pencil

[waking up, shouting loudly] EVERYONE, PIPE DOWN!

Pencil

Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! [pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]

No conflict pirates?

Swords as decoration?

You wear glasses?

Paper

You wear glasses?

Yeah, but I wear them as well.

Paper

You can run, but you can't fly! [laughs evilly; activating his drone]

Scissors

What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, "Good job, son"? Wait, that's what I want.

Paper

Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!

Scissors

[to Rock] How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now?

Pencil

[bursting into their apartment] Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war!

Rock

[shocked] WHAT?! Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking.

Pencil

I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate!

Paper

[chuckles] Oh, you are bad.

Scissors

Okay. What's the plan, new guy?

Paper

I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button!

Rock

[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably] I'm trying but I can't stop dancing!

Scissors

I'll do it. [the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away] What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! [holds onto the cannon]

Paper

What the heck is going- [the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground] Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Rock

Oh, the party won't stop!

Logan

'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, we have a secret weapon too.

Pencil

[popping up from a nearby bush] I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. [zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]

Scissors

My head! My head is a balloon! [floats away]

Paper

Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought.

Scissors

Sharp branch! Sharp branch!

Scissors

[to Brody, Brogan and Derf] Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one.

Pencil

Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him.

Rock

We should hang out more.

Pencil

We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes.

Paper

It's "The Paper Show"! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. [Logan gets up and walks away] The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... [throws some things which are deadly and screams] Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? [drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing] No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.

Scissors

Jacket!

Paper

Can I get another word?

Pencil

Circus!

Paper

Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?

Rock

Kumquat!

Paper

[rapping] When I say "Paper", you say "rules". Paper-

No.

Paper

Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.

Rock

What did you say?

Paper

I don't think they're funny.

Scissors

Not even Long Squeakers?

Pencil

Butt Trumpets?

Rock

Wet and Nasties?

Paper

Ew, what? No.

Scissors

[to Pencil and Rock] Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… are funny.

[while wearing a horse costume] You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?

Pencil

But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home!

Scissors

There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything!

Flub-Bub?

Rock

Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.

Paper

Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.

Potato

Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.

I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.

Rock

Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.

Scissors

Quick! Feed him a line!

Paper

Uh… [touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger] Flub-Bub.

Flub-Bub!

[swoons] Oh, Flub-Bub.

Scissors

Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.

[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice] Flub-Bubby!

Rock

Oh.

Scissors

Right.

Paper

Totally forgot about that.

Paper

(Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays?

Rock

[turning around in his chair, revealing himself] You bet it is!

Paper

[suprised] Rock?! You're on the committee?!

Rock

Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day.

I'm cake.

Paper

[disbelieved] Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please.

Rock

Paper, we don't just give out days.

Pencil

Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one.

Potato

I don't even know how I got here.

Pencil

Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears.

Paper

[sighs dreamily] I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year.

Pencil

Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and…

Rock

[barging in with Scissors painfully clutching his stomach] SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE!

Pencil

What?! Why?!

Scissors

Rock dared me to!

Rock

No, I said, "Don't do that!"

Scissors

Which I took as a dare!

Rock

I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year.

Paper

It is. And I'm glad everything worked out.

Pencil

Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone.

Scissors

[disappointed] Not as bad as I do.

Pencil

[entering the trio's apartment with Paper] Guys! Paper and I made a cloning device!

Paper

I did nothing and she knows it, but isn't she amazing?!

Pencil

Scissors, can we test it on your goldfish?

Scissors

[sitting on the sofa, sadly sulking] As long as you don't hurt her. Sometimes that little fish feels like the only thing that cares about me, that listens, that lets me finish my--

Paper

Great!

Rock

[walking up to him] What's wrong, buddy? Feeling sad that you're unemployed? Or out of shape? Or--

Scissors

Rock, stop guessing. [sighs sadly] I just got dumped… again. She said she didn't want to see me anymore for, quote, "too many reasons to list."

Rock

Hey, don't feel bad just 'cause a few women turned you down.

Scissors

600.

Rock

Just 'cause a few hundred women turned you down. You're one of the most lovable people I know, and my life is better because you're in it.

Scissors

[cheered up] Thanks, Rock. You're very good to me.

Paper

Good news, friends. Things have been going swimmingly with me and my special lady.

Rock

Special lady?

Scissors

Are you 90?

Paper

[looking at a photo of him and Pencil playing around with an electric plasma ball] I can't even remember the last time I did something embarrassing around her. Oh. Yes, I can.

Pencil

Paper, I think you confused Toluene with Toluidine.

Paper

Oh. How embarrassing. [lets out a flatulence] I'm having a bad day. Anyway, I'm going to meet her tonight for a romantic dinner, tell her how I feel, and ask her to be my girlfriend. If she says yes, I'll feel like the luckiest man alive. And if she says no, I'll turn into a red-hot ball of inexhaustible rage and take it out on all of you guys. But who knows? [skips away]

Rock

Wanna film that for our channel?

Scissors

Worth a shot. Maybe it'll appease Grandma.

Potato

I always knew you were into me. But I should warn you, I'm a heartbreaker.

Paper

Potato, listen, I don't want this.

Potato

Oh, my gosh! You need this?

Paper

This is out of control.

Potato

I get it, Paper. I'm super desirable. There's a reason they call me "Hot Tots."

Paper

No one calls you that.

[entering Pencil's apartment] Hot Tots! Say it ain't so! You broke up with me for him?!

Potato

Bruiser, get out of here.

[pointing to Paper] So you're the guy who think he's good enough for Potato.

Paper

No!

Pencil

Paper, of course you're good enough.

Pencil

Hey, Rock. Did you hear the good news? Potato won the International Genius Award! She learned how to save endangered animals by splicing in her own DNA. [shows him the video on her phone]

Hey, I'm the three-potatoed sloth. Who's down for nachos?

Rock

You witch! Why did you tell me this?!

Pencil

What's the problem?

Rock

Now I have to keep this from Paper. He's in a bad place right now, and if he found out, it would crush him!

Pencil

Okay, then don't tell him.

Rock

You don't understand. I CAN'T KEEP A SECRET!