Franz Roll quotes from Rock Paper Scissors

Franz

Wait. Who is that? [points to Scissors, and pats him on the head, mistaking him for a dog] Look at you! You are such a good boy!

Scissors

[baffled] Does he think I'm a dog?

Franz

[throws a ball] Fetch!

Scissors

I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball.

Franz

[turns to Rock] Rock, your dog is amazing!

Rock

Uh, that's not my dog.

Franz

So it's a stray? I must have it! [to Scissors] How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy?

Scissors

Dude, I'm not a dog.

Rock

How is none of this bothering you? Don't you feel shame?

Scissors

Normally? Every waking second. But all that shame goes away when I'm surrounded by expensive things.

Franz

[off-screen] Doggie! I got you a new toy! [presents Scissors a helicopter]

Scissors

[laughs] I don't know what he thinks a dog is, but I wanna keep being one!

Paper

Guys, I asked you to help set up for the Apology Soirée.

Rock

The what?

Paper

The event I'm hosting where we invite everyone we've wrong over the past year to apologize. [holds up a whoopsie cake]

Rock

Are you doing this because individual apologies are hard and doing it all at once is the coward's way out?

Paper

That's what sold Scissors.

Scissors

Big coward!

Rock

Yeah, this feels like more of a "you guys" thing.

Paper

Fine. Then Scissors and I will be the mature ones in this-- [gets smacked in the face by Scissors' sticky hand] Ah! Ow! Scissors, you are such a child! [starts chasing him around] What grown man has a sticky hand?! You are a nightmare! If I look up "nightmare" in the dictionary, I would say, "Wrong picture," because it should be Scissors!

Rock

[gazing at the enlargement ray, and an idea gets in his head] The enlargement ray! [imagines himself in his enormous size as the apartment building and making modeling poses]

Franz

[amazed] Well, I certainly can't ignore you, now that you're enormous!

Franz

Well, great. Thanks to you, we are now further from the ray and stuck on this counter. When will you learn?

Rock

[bitterly] Never from you.

Franz

What was what? You spoke at a volume suggesting you were saying nasties about me.

Rock

Forget it. [sees two of Lou's cats on the counter and one of them hops off] Franz! I know how to get down. [they climb onto the cat]

Franz

How do we get it to go?

Rock

We wait. I mean, it's not like Ratatouille where you grab some hair and-- [grabs the cat's fur with both hands, making the cat stand up] Oh, shoot! It is like Ratatouille!

Rock

[to Franz] Well, thanks for teaching me how to do the turn. [starts to walk away, sadly]

Franz

Wait. I'd like to participate in this very weird event. Rock, I apologize. I've been selfish, oblivious, and put you through a wringer of comedic hijinks. But I promise to change. In fact, from this day forward, I'm going to be your mentor.

Rock

[overjoyed] You will?!

Franz

Because if I pass my knowledge on to you, it'll help me even more! People will ask, "Where did you learn those moves?" and you'll say, "Franz Roll, of course. The greatest model alive." It's like you will be a living advertisement for me, and my name will be etched in the tomes of modeling history!

Rock

Works for me!

Scissors

Aww, that's nice. I'm glad everything worked out. [accidentally activates the enlargement ray, zapping Lou's cats in making them grow into enormous size]

Lou

What the heck did you do?!

Paper

[sighs] We're gonna need another soirée.