[The trio are doing meditation poses until they're interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]
SPScissors & Paper
[darkly] The Rat Bros.
[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]
[answers the door; smugly] 'Sup, losers?
What is going on in there?!
Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. [shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks] We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks.
Rat BrosNice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]
[frustrated] Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me.
We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool.
[The trio hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor while Rock is playing a Sims parody video game]
[annoyed] Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party?
Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society.
Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again.
[They are then standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse, and Scissors knocks on the door]
[answers the door] 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud?
Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. [shows them his brothers tutoring four children] Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report.
RRuby
In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience.
[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are speechless at what they just saw and are back in their apartment]
The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys!
Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself!
Paper, get off the horse.
I can't, I need a step stool!
[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]
[laughing hysterically along with his brothers] Did you see how upset they were?
Our altruistic plan is totally working!
Rat Bros
[chest bumping] Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
[suddenly confused] But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids?
KKids
Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool.
And you wanna be cool, right, Brody?
Of course. That's my one and only thought.
[Zoom in inside Brody's brain]
BSBrody's Neurons
Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
BSBrody's Neuron #1
Shower?
BSBrody's Neurons
NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just five seconds!
We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all!
Build houses! That's what we should do!
See? He got there. [he and his friends walk off with their invention]
[frustrated] D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys.
Actually, I think we'll still win.
I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode.
Rat Bros
Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
[feeling down, quietly] Nice, bro.
[noticing Brody's behavior after Logan and Brogan walk away; concerned] Hey, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm cool. [laughs awkwardly] Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right?
Yeah, in two days. Very impressive.
Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. [Flashback to him in his hospital shift as he puts some prostheses on a limbless patient named Mr. Drake] All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out.
DMr. Drake
[grips his prostheses, controlling them; surprised] Oh, my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… [uses them to scratch an itch on his behind] Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years!
[voice-over] But then, something weird happened.
DMr. Drake
Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given.
[unsure] Um… I don't really--
DMr. Drake
[hugging him; sobbing happily] Thank you, Brody. You changed my life!
[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over] It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought.
[Zoom in inside his brain]
BSBrody's Neurons
Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
BSBrody's Neuron #1
Be good.
BSBrody's Neurons
Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good.
BSBrody's Neuron #2
We really should shower, though.
[Back to the present]
I think… I think I might be a good guy.
[gasps in dramatic shock] No. Brody, no. A-are you sure?
This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank!
But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know!
Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing! Those homes would help so many people.
Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? [starts to walk away]
Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales?
[thinking for a second] Get some rest, bro. [resumes walking away]
[Scissors is leaving the ice skating arena while talking with his therapist, Maya, on the phone]
Maya, I appreciate you checking on me, but I've felt great since I started figure skating. I think I can go without therapy for ten days.
MMaya
[on the phone with Scissors while the taxi driver takes her and her husband to the airport] Are you sure? Because you have a history of not respecting my boundaries when I'm on vacation.
[Flashback shows Scissors showing up at her wedding in Morocco]
[frantically] Paper made fun of my hair, and I need to talk about it right now!
MMaya
I can't believe you flew to Morocco.
[Cut back to him walking through the park]
I promise I'll be fine. I'll see you when you get back. [hangs up and nearly passes by the Rat Bros, who were already there, weightlifting]
Rat Bros
Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
Hey, look at Mr. Glitter Pants! Are you gonna put on skates and glide around gracefully? [he and his brothers laugh teasingly]
Yeah, that's what figure skating is.
You gonna zip and whoosh and whoop-de-doo?
[Brody, Brogan and Derf laugh hysterically]
You're just saying nonsense in a bullying tone. [then runs away, crying like a baby, when Logan makes mockery nonsense at him]
Rock Paper Scissors · 174 quotes
