BensonI'm glad you could all join me for brunch today.
Benson
Do you even have to ask, Pops? It's to celebrate my amazing streak of good luck.
Benson
Yeah, don't you remember last night?
(A flasback is shown of Benson beating Rigby at cards)
Augh! You only beat me last night because of my bad luck.
Benson
No Rigby, I only beat you because of my good luck, and it's that luck that makes me trust that we're all going to love this restaurant that none of us have never even been to.
Skips, have you seen Benson?
He's playing cards in my garage. He's convinced he can turn his luck around.
No, he can't. It's not even his luck! We have to stop him. [Benson enters] Benson, I got to tell you something.
Benson
Not right now, Mordecai. I'm right in the middle of a hand.
No, Benson! Listen, you shouldn't be playing cards right now!
Benson
Okay, so I've had a bad stretch lately. So my wallet and credit cards got stolen. So accounting lost my paycheck. So I can't afford to pay my rent or feed myself. But cards are where I'm luckiest! Cards are my girl! She's never let me down before and she won't do it this time.
Well, you gotta stop playing now because you got nothing left to wager with!
Benson
..Actually, Skips, there is one more thing.
[Benson walks back into Skips' garage, then walks back into the room again]
Benson
I just lost the park to the guy in the fanny pack.
[The butterfly then lands on a bush. Pops is about to catch the butterfly, when...]
Benson
Come on, you know that's not the way you're supposed to do it!
Well, this way is totally faster.
Yeah, cuts the time in half.
Benson
But you're actually CUTTING IT IN HALF, you idiots! ( The chainsaw fails to start off screen) Oh, and great, you manage to break the saw in the process! Now, we're gonna have to buy a new one!
[ We cut to Pops in the rose garden, he is drawing a rose on his notebook. He is on the stem, until he gets interrupted for the second time]
Benson
What are you guys doing?! Soda?! You can't use soda!
Benson
Oh, what, it's too hard to get the hose off the shed?! UNBELIEVABLE!
Well, at least it's diet. Nobody drinks that.
Benson
I drink diet. Not only did you guys ruin the hose...
[angrily scribbles his drawing, grunts, and storms away in anger and frustration]
Okay, men, this is the hour of prominence. On my signal, charge! Woooooaahhhh--- [He is interrupted by Benson Yet again]
Benson
[outraged, offscreen] YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! [Pops lays back, irritated - Outside, Mordecai is holding something looking like wood] Give me that! What is this, SANDPAPER?! [Looks at the golf cart. It is all scratched up.] You're scratching up the whole thing!
Benson, would you come see me for a moment, please?
MRMordecai and Rigby
Oooooh, somebody's busted!
Benson
Oh, grow up.
MRMordecai and Rigby
[Now rapping with taunt] B-b-busted! Benson's b-b-busted!
Benson
[Sighs] What is it, Pops? I'm in the middle of something.
Have a seat. [Benson sits down, sighs once more] Do you know why I called you in here?
Benson
Did you lose the colonel again? Try under your hat.
[Pops lifts his hat with the colonel inside, then puts his toy army men in the drawer]
It's a problem concerning Mordecai and Rigby.
Benson
What else is new? Don't worry, Pops, I'll take care of it.
Then we understand each other?
Benson
Absolutely. I've already warned them - one more screw-up and they're both fired.
But... Benson, I was referring to you.
Benson
What?
I'd like you to stop yelling at Mordecai and Rigby.
Benson
[scoffs] You're kidding.
Quite the opposite. It's too negative and bad for morale.
Benson
What morale? Those slackers never do anything unless you yell at them.
There's never a reason to yell at anyone.
Benson
They give me a million reasons everyday! Ptft, you just want me to be nice to them?
You don't have to be nice. Just don't yell.
Benson
[groans] Listen, Pops, I appreciate the concern, but I know how to do my job.
Benson, I think it's clear that my dad puts me in charge of running the park when he's not around, right?
Benson
Yes, but—
And that means you must do what I say?
Benson
Technically, but I—
And I am ordering you to stop yelling at Mordecai and Rigby.
Benson
Pops --
Benson
[beat] Understood.
[ We cut to outside]
Benson
Noth-- [quick zoom out] You guys are STILL NOT--?! [ Benson realizes he's angrily yelling, so he talks through his furious teeth]—guys are still not done?
What? You told us to take it nice and easy.
Yeah, I get it now. It takes time to do things right.
You rush, you make mistakes.
Benson
[furiously facepalms] That's not the point I was trying to make.
And then we started thinking-why clean something anyways? Dirt is a natural thing. It's like part of life, you know? [Benson turns red and furiously sizzles]
Yeah, and like, what is a hose? Hose...
Hose... [Benson growls furiously, still red]
Yeah, exactly. But when you turn it on... [accidentally sprays water on Benson which Ticks him off] ...Sorry.
Benson
(yells furiously, kicks Mordecai and Rigby out of his sight) GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!! (Mordecai and Rigby run away. Pops then appears behind Benson )
Benson, what did we just discuss?
Benson
Yeah, but, come on, Pops. They were totally--
Benson, I'm serious about this issue. Now if you yell at them again, I'm going to have to write you up.
Benson
[Rubs face and frustratingly growls] Okay, okay. I'll try to get it under control.
(Clock transition to computer room. Benson is on the computer searching "Free anger management tips")
Benson
Recite a personal mantra. Omm? What does that even mean? Next. (searches again)
FFitch
Oh, hello, friend! I'm Fitch Munderson. (A dog runs up to him) And this is Kimmy.
Benson
Okay, where's this going? (fast-forwards the video)
FFitch
We have a sure-fire way to help you control your anger, for only $60.
Benson
Nope. (searches again while the screen is loading, then clicks several times while the screen is still loading) Ugh, come on! Close! (angrily growls) Omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...(sighs) Huh. I guess it works.
(Cut to downstairs. The whole place has been torn apart. Mordecai and Rigby are seen searching for something)
Hey, Benson. Have you seen the keys to the cart?
Benson
Omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...
We can't find them anywhere. (Breaks vase) Uh-oh.
(From the window, two people are seen driving the cart)
Never mind. I think I know where they are.
Benson
(growling, Now red with tears in his eyes) RRRRRAAAAAAUUUGGGGHHH!!!!!!
MRMordecai and Rigby
AAH! ( The duo then run away)
Benson! I warned you! (Writes on clipboard angrily)
Benson
Pops, you're writing me up?
You know what happens next, don't you? ( He angrily hands Benson the paper)
Benson
Of course. Verbal warning, write up, fired. But you wouldn't fire me, Pops.
Benson
What?! Pops, you can't take this job away from me! It's all I have!
I'm sorry, Benson. If you yell at Mordecai and Rigby again, I'll be forced to fire you.
(Pops leaves. Benson furiously turns red and angrily begins to jump several times while grunting)
Jeez, Benson, try counting to 10. (Benson furiously turns around and angrily grunts) Better make it 100. (leaves)
Benson
1, 2... (Cuts to outside) ...7, 8, 9... (Cuts to near the shed) ...75, 76, 77... (Benson suddenly stops and sees Mordecai and Rigby covered in pink paint, laughing)
Oh, hey, Benson! What's up? We're finally painting the shed! (Rigby throws himself on the wall, followed by Mordecai, who ends up going through the wall)
Benson
(furiously turns red and angrily growls. He then puts his hands on his face) 78, 79, 80, 81...
Benson
(continues counting) 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87...
I dunno. But what do you think he'll do when he gets to a hundred?
MRMordecai, Rigby, and Benson
...88, 89, 90, 91... (Benson stops and angrily growls, put his hands on his face again and then furiously storms off while panting, still red)
MRMordecai and Rigby
...92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99...
( We cut to Benson walking into Corners bookstore. Benson angrily puts the Fitch & Kimmy book on the table, leaving a hot and fiery handprint. The cashier checks and scans the book, then, Benson storms out as the scene cuts to Benson walking to his apartment, room 1635. He then slams the door. Benson inserts the tape into a Walkman and rests on his armchair)
FFitch
(Over the Walkman) The key to managing your anger is control. For example, One should never yell, even if it's to pass the salt.
( The camera Zooms into Benson's eyes. He has a flashback to when he was a child, and his family was all talking loudly and arguing at the dinner table)
Young Benson
Pass the salt, please.
BSBenson's Father
Quiet, Benson has something he wants to say.
Young Benson
(embarrassed and blushing) Ahem, Um, pass--
BSBenson's Father
Look here, son! You're never going to get anything in this life if you don't yell for it!
Young Benson
Pass....(loses his temper) PASS THE SALT!
(Benson's dad passes the saltshaker to Benson. Suddenly, an earthquake occurs, showing a giant angry Pops ripping off the roof)
Benson, You're fired! (Points at Young Benson)
Young Benson
NO-O-O-O! (Ripple transition back into Benson in his apartment. Now completely enraged, he furiously steps on and angrily throws the Walkman, breaking a portrait. He then violently jumps and ragefully kicks the TV. We cut to outside, still hearing Benson lividly grunting. He then throws his armchair , which breaks a window and ends up destroyed. Benson looks at himself in the mirror. He's red again, panting.)
Benson
Keep it together, Benson. (Looks at the mirror. His eyes are very stressed and menacing) You still got a whole day of work left.
[In the hospital ward, Rigby is comatose due a severe egg allergy. Benson turns to Mordecai and chastises him in a negative tone]
Benson
Well, I hope you've learned something from all this.
[becoming skeptical] What?
Benson
Maybe if you'd been working like you were supposed to, none of this would've happened. [Disgusted by Benson's halfheartedness, Mordecai immediately punches him in the face in a rage, making Benson stagger back in surprised. Pops and Hi-Five Ghost hold him away from Mordecai, while Skips and Muscle Man do the same with Mordecai] Mordecai, what are you doing?!
[outraged] WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?! THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WORK! HE JUST WANTED THE HAT!
Benson
And look where it got him! [angrily points at Rigby] Your friend over there is only gonna get you into trouble!
Huh! Yeah, right! Take advice from Benson about friends since you've got so many of 'em.
Benson
[stoically] I have friends.
No, you don't. Everyone only hangs out with you because you're our boss! Rigby only wanted to try and win a hat. He doesn't deserve to be in a coma because of it. [he storms past Benson to the exit]
Benson
Where are you going?!
Benson
Why?!
Because I made a promise to Rigby and I'm gonna keep it. That's what friends do for each other.
[He furiously exits and slams the ward door behind him. The group stays silent for a beat]
[Jeremy and Chad look towards Mordecai and Rigby who stare back.] Jeremy That's lT. [then he and Chad go up to Mordecai and Rigby, who walks up to them.]
Benson
ALRIGHT! That's enough!
Benson
This party's over! That's right, beat it. I don't want any of your faces here ever again! Hey, not you two. Mordecai and Rigby, you can get out Red BECAUSE YOU'RE FIRED!!
(He angrily camera-flashes in front of both's faces)
But you were gonna give our jobs away!
We had to do something to stop them from finishing the boats!
Benson
Yeah, and a lot good THAT did you,
But Benso— (He camera-flashes them again)
Benson
LEAVE, NOW!
Benson
NOW, Red NOW, NOW, LEAVE NOW!!
(Benson sighs heavily and recedes down to his normal color hue for a beat)
Benson
Hey, Chad and Jeremy! Looks like positions opened up, so whaddaya say? How would you like a job at the park.
JJeremy
(scoffs) Yeah right. We didn't get degrees at the Institute of Technical Technology to work at some at some crazy job like this.
CChad
Good luck finding two suckers dumb enough to take this job!
(Both activate rocket-installed phones and fly away)
Benson
Chad! Jeremy! Wait.... ... But... I...
So.. Benson... Not sure if you're looking, but we know a couple of dumb suckers who are real good at cleaning up pizza parties.
REAL good. (He camera-flashes Benson)
Benson
[Enraged to see that Mordecai and Rigby destroyed the cart] MORDECAI, RIGBY! What have I told you about messing with the cart? If you think— [Mr. Maellard touches his shoulder]
[the scene cuts to Pops' house]
D'you have any idea how much those carts cost?!? I'm not paying park money to fix your mistakes!
Benson
But, sir...
BUT NOTHING! [Mordecai and Rigby hears behind the door, off-screen] I could find a new park manager right now if I wanted to.
Benson
Don't worry, sir. The warranty will take care of everything. [Maellard takes his cue card, then angrily slams it on his table]
This expires tomorrow afternoon!
Benson
But the dealership's too far away. I'll have to drive all day and night.
Sounds like a personal problem. Get that cart fixed or you're FIRED!
[The scene cuts to Mr. Maellard angrily slamming the door at Benson]
[a short while after being pulled over]
Yeah, the bag wouldn't open and the napkins!--
Benson
[Irritated] No, no more! Here's what you guys are gonna do for the rest of the trip — nothing! Absolutely nothing! (in red) Don't say anything, don't do anything. Just stop messing things up!
[pause]
Benson, why d’you hate us so much?
Benson
[sighs] I don't hate you guys. I just hate some of things you do. Okay, I really hate some of things you do. I know you don't mean them, but I'm your boss and it's my job to push you to do better.
Is that why Maellard yells at you?
Benson
[laughs] You guys dunno how easy you have it! Let's just say his yelling is way worse than mine.
But is it worse than his face? [all laugh]
Benson
(Yawns) Huh? [angry] What?! (He walks into Joyspot Arcade finding Mordecai & Rigby, angrily pulling them out of the building, they both groan)
Ugh. How long were we in there?
Benson
(turning red) HOURS! You were in there for HOURS! Now, we're never gonna make it to the dealership in time! It closes in thirty minutes!
We're sorry! We didn't know it was daytime. There aren't any windows in the arcade!
Benson
Excuses, excuses! How am I supposed to trust you when all you give me are EXCUSES?!!? When are you two gonna learn that your actions have CONSEQUENCES??!!?! Consequences that AFFECT other people! (Voice breaking) Like me. Don't you two understand? I'm about to lose my job! You may not care about keeping your jobs, but I care about keeping mine. 'Cause if I lose my job, I have nothing! Do you hear me? I have nothing! (breaks down crying) Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take my last bathroom break as an employed man. (enters the nearby bathroom)
Dude, we really messed up. (A few moments later, Benson exits the bathroom)
Benson
(Shocked) What...? (He notices the cart is gone, then turns red and starts wailing, screaming in a rage, then panting) Hey, you! (the scene shows a hillbilly on a motorcycle, then Benson runs up to him) There were two guys with a truck that were just here. D’you know where they went?
BBiker
Oh, yeah! They're taking a shortcut out to Highway 13 to the car dealership!
Benson
(furiously) WHAT?!?!
BBiker
Most dangerous highway in the country!
Benson
How much do you want for that bike? (he is seen driving the motorcycle to catch Mordecai and Rigby, who are driving Benson's truck)
Dude, Benson can't stand it when you leave jobs before they're even finished.
Oh please, what's he gonna do? [Benson looks behind him, who overhears the conversation]
[teething angrily] IT’S BENSON!
Yeah, I know it's Benson, that's how it works around here. I don't do my work, and he doesn't do a thing about it. It's a win-win.
Benson
Actually, it's a lose-lose CAUSE YOU’RE FIRED!!
Whoa, Benson!! I was just messing around! Sorry about that. I'm just gonna go back to work now, okay?
Benson
No, you're not. You're actually fired. I want you outta here.
I'm sorry, Benson, it won't happen again!
Can't you give him another chance?!
[stops by] What's going on here?
Why? What's the matter, Benson?
Benson
Well, for one, he never finishes his work.
That's not true! I always finish my work!
[cut to Rigby playing video games with the vacuum cleaner running past him; whooping on the duck spring rider with his garbage bag and stick laid down; and himself sleeping with the hose still running]
Okay, so... maybe I don't always finish my work, but... you never told me how to! How am I suppose to do something I don't even know how to do?!
Benson
I don't know! If you haven't figured it out already, you're not gonna figure it out anytime soon. I want you outta here!!
We're here today because my dad put a cactus under a cop in a bear costume, who turned out to be an actual bear. [starts freaking out, wreaks havoc]
Muscle Man! [runs with Rigby to comfort him] It's okay, it's okay!
You're right! You're right! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm okay. My dad might not have been the best pranker in the world... but he was the best trucker in the world. And that hat was his crown. That's why this urn is filled with the ashes of his hat. As the ultimate Father's Day tribute, I'm gonna help my dad fulfil his final wish by spreading the ashes of his hat at the Trucker Hall of Fame.
Benson
Guys, I'd like you to go with Muscle Man to help him spread those hat ashes.
What? Why can't Hi-Five Ghost go with him?
Benson
Hi-Five Ghost doesn't deal well with this sort of thing. [cuts to Fives outside the window crying]
Benson
Thanks. Just make sure to watch after him. If Muscle Man can't spread those hat ashes and get some closure, he may never be the same again.
[twirling suit, chugs soda on the couch] WOO-HOO!! WOO!! [chucks soda at the wall, runs off] WOOO!!!
Regular Show · 562 quotes
