Because. We're about to beat The Hammer.
WHAT?! (SLAM) NOBODY can beat The Hammer! It's impossible!
Pfft! Not for us! Will you let us borrow your TV or not?
Yeah. You can borrow it... if you can tell me what The Hammer looks like.
He's blue, with a black mullet.
[Fives scrolls thru Video Game Power Mag to see stats for The Hammer]
Hi Five GhostUh-huh.
Yeah, you can borrow it. So we can watch you LOSE!! Ahaha! WOOO!!! WOOHOO!!! This is gonna be hilari-uhh! (CRUNCH!!)
[beat]
Hey Muscle Man, we got work to do, remember? [Muscle Man breaks down]
NO! Crying's for ladies, LIKE YOU!! I don't cry!!
[cut to a crying nude Muscle Man in the shower, with Mordecai and Rigby knocking outside his caravan]
Dude, he's been in there for hours!
Muscle Man! Muscle Man! [looks inside] Muscle Man, are you taking a shower so we can't see you crying?
NO!! IT'S... IT'S JUST THE SOUND OF THE WATER HITTING THE DRAIN!!
Dude, what's wrong with him?
Hi-Five Ghost
[appears] His girlfriend Starla dumped him last night.
What?! Muscle Man had a girlfriend? I wonder who had more junk in the trunk.
Muscle Man, just come out! We can talk about it if you want.
NO!!! I DON'T TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS WITH ANYONE!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
NONight Owl
How does it feel to be part of the final four?
Hi Five Ghost
It's exciting!
NONight Owl
Mmhm. And how did you make it this far?
NONight Owl
[chuckles] Fantastic. So, what're gonna do with the car?
NONight Owl
Hmm, that's funny. Because that's not what Mordecai said.
NONight Owl
Well, that he was gonna take the car for himself.
Hi Five Ghost
Rigby said that?
NONight Owl
Yeah. That's what Muscle Man said.
Hi Five Ghost
I can't believe this!
Guess all that's left to do now is step down and get the car.
Well, I'll meet you guys down there. I gotta take down the tent first.
[pushes Muscle Man aside] No, no — we'll take care of the tent. You should go first.
[grabs Mordecai by his hooded jacket cuff] I'm not stepping off this thing until you three step off it first.
[getting angry] What's that supposed to mean?
It means I know what you're up to!
[angrily jabs Muscle Man by the chest] You know what I'M up to!? I know what YOU'RE up to! [furiously jabs his hand] Step one: working with you is a huge mistake, [furiously jabs his hand] and step two: [points to the outside of text] get off this billboard, you smell like barf!
[They get in a big ball violence]
NONight Owl
And now a little insurance to make sure this little competition doesn't end too early... [evilly laughs]
[Scene showing Mordecai, Rigby, High-Fives & Muscle Man frozen & now showing the W.H.O.Z. Billboard as the days went on, and the years went by]
Year 4224...
[Scene showing an a museum of The Night Owl & now showing the tank running out of liquid nitrogen & now showing a scene to Mordecai, Rigby, High-Fives & Muscle Man in the melting ice]
[enraged] You smell like BARF! [angrily punches Muscle Man in the testicles]
[gasps and holds his testicles] Huh?
MRMordecai, Rigby and Hi-Five Ghost
[gasping in horror]
GET OFF THIS BILLBOARD, BARF SACK!
DON'T CALL ME A BARF SACK!
[Rigby, Hi-Five Ghost and Muscle Man result in a big ball violence]
[breaks up a fight between them] STOP! STOP! Something's not right! [opens the tent & all of them are shocked] Oh, my... [his pupil shrinks in horror]
How long have we been up here?
Dude, I think we're in the future.
Aww, this is all your fault!
Me?! [angrily grabs Muscle Man by the shirt] You were the one who was tryin' to get the car for yourself! [lets go of Muscle Man's shirt] Yeah, that's right, The Night Owl told me what you said!
[points at him and jabs him in the chest] That you were gonna trick us so you could get the car for yourself!
Get your hand out of my face! [slaps away Mordecai's hand] [crosses his arms] I never said that! That's what Rigby said!
That's what The Night Owl told Me!
But The Night Owl told me that's what Hi-Five Ghost said!
Hi-Five Ghost
I never said that!
Wait a minute, guys. I think The Night Owl tricked us.
Yeah, I think you're right, bro.
SGSecurity Guard
[blinds them with flashlight] Hey! Hey you! What are you doing up in the exhibit? [gasps] You're the contestants! [presses an emergency button & talks on walkie-talkie] Contestants are unfrozen! I repeat unfrozen! Requesting backup immediately!
[More liquid nitrogen is coming from the display case's ceiling]
[shakes with horror] That's not good! We gotta get outta here! [points to the car] Muscle Man, can you start that car?
Yeah. Let's blow this popsicle stand!
[They used a fast percussion sound effect made from tightly edited wooden or leather taps combined with scraped rubber textures to mimic frantic slipping before a sudden dash]
[slides down the stairs] WHOO! WHOO!
What are we gonna do then?!
[A loud knock is heard at the door, someone quietly opens it and a skinless Muscle Man is shown to be the knocker]
I told you I was ripped... [falls forward and dies]
SMSkips/Mordecai/Hi Five Ghost
AHHH! [telephone rings] AHHH!
[Hi Five Ghost runs to answer it]
[last words] No, Fives, WAIT!
Hi Five Ghost
[answers phone] Hello?
Goodbye! [sucks Hi Five Ghost into the phone and squirts him out as a liquid all over Skips and Mordecai, as Benson vomits his gumballs]
Hi Five Ghost
[last words] Worst phone call ever.
[Mordecai and Skips are covered in liquid and Mordecai is pushed against the bookshelf by the Halloween Wizard and is knock unconscious. Benson and Pops scream in terror and hide in rooms while Skips tries punching the Halloween Wizard but the Halloween Wizard trips him]
If you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen!
[Halloween Wizard throws Skips into the chimney, and fire goes up the chimney and burns Skips as fire goes to the top of the house and Rigby screams, Halloween Wizard runs into the bathroom, opens the shower curtain, and sees Benson]
[Benson screams. Him and his nun chucks are flushed down the toilet, causing his gumballs to rise]
[in bedroom] Show yourself... Bad show, very bad show! [door opens] AHHH!
[Pops fires sling-shot, but it hits the wall, Pops gets thrown into a closet and disappears]
What's happening? Hello, is anybody there? Can anyone hear me?
Don't worry, Rigby, I'm here. I won't anything happen to you.
[An invisible force comes and chops Mordecai's head off and his head falls to the ground]
[last words] Huh, so this is what it feels like to be as tall as Rigby.
[Mordecai gags and dies]
Mordecai? Mordecai? I'm sorry, okay?! I shouldn't have egged your house; do you hear me?! I'm sorry!
[The Halloween Wizard goes to Rigby and laughs]
Well then, what are you waiting for?! Do it! Do it already!
[The wizard uncovers a case and laughs maniacally while Rigby screams and eggs are thrown at him]
What?! You turned me into a house and killed all of my friends just to throw eggs at me?! THAT'S IT?!
[Points up; zooms out to reveal a big egg coming down on Rigby, then Rigby screams as the egg collapses and he melts]
Good, you're all here. As you probably already know, today marks 5 years I've worked at the park. So in honor of me, we're eating at Fry it Up at 8:00!
Oh, no can do, Muscle Man.
We already made plans with Margaret and Eileen.
Pssh, your loss, bros. While you're striking out with some chicks, we'll be scoring some wings! And some chicks! Am I right, Skips?
Sorry, I can't either. I'm bowling with Pops and Benson.
Ugh! Well, it looks like it's just me and you tonight, Fives.
Hi Five Ghost
Oh.
Hi Five Ghost
Low-Five is graduating from the police academy tonight! He's my brother, I have to go!
Muscle Man, there is no way you're gonna pull this off.
I swear, I've done it, before.
MRMordecai and Rigby
Pffffft.
(Muscle Man lights up two gun lighters and lights up two fireworks. The two fireworks shoot up in the air, they bump and explode. Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost watch the fireworks.)
MMMordecai, Muscle Man, and Hi-Five Ghost
Whooooa...
[The tiny spark from the fireworks itself lights up all the fireworks. They look back, and then the fireworks explode. All of the fireworks goes up and explode all at the same time. Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost look at the fireworks, while all of this is going on, Benson appears on the scene. Benson looks at the fireworks exploding, and the grand finale explodes with the words "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!" Benson turns red, clearly enraged by what he has seen, he gets out the cart and goes up to them.]
(to Muscle Man) WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!
[angrily corners Muscle Man who backs away]WHY WOULD YOU LIGHT UP ALL THE FIREWORKS BEFORE THE BIGGEST EVENT OF THE YEAR?!?!
Just hang on now, Benson! I know this looks bad, but I can fix it.
[grabs Muscle Man by the shirt] Fix it?! FIX WHAT?!?!?! YOU JUST RUINED THE FOURTH OF JULY!!!!
I know! I know! Just hear me out. I know a guy who's got the hookup on cheap fireworks.
[screaming in Muscle Man's face that blasts his hair]I DON'T WANT CHEAP FIREWORKS!!!! THAT STUFF YOU JUST BLEW UP WAS TOP OF THE LINE!!!!!!!!
Benson, trust me. This guy's stuff is quality. I'll pay for it out of my own pocket.
[furiously throws Muscle Man to the ground]Alright, fine! But if you guys aren't back before the show starts at sundown, YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!! (Angrily drives Off)
Dude, you better be able to get those Fireworks.
This wasn't the deal! You guys were supposed to replace the ones that you set off this morning. That's it. I'm calling it off! You guys are all FIRED!
Alright, you guys. Somehow, you managed to top last year's firework show, so I guess I'm not gonna fire you.
MRMordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost
Yeah! / Alright.
In fact, I'm putting you 4 in charge of a very special job.
Oh, cool! What special job?
(turning red) REPLACING THE 3 FOOTBALL FIELDS WORTH OF GRASS YOU JUST BURNT!!!
[Benson and Skips walk away]
Don't worry. I know a guy who's got the hookup on real cheap sod.
[plugs microphone] ♪Yeah. Set up the chairs and wipe off the tables Plug in the mic, but don't trip on the cables Blow up the balloons and blow out the candles at stunt-themed parties you don't wanna wear sandals! Check your invitation, Park's the location When the clock strikes ten it's time for celebration Timmy's birthday party, yo! It's the big one, oh! Timmy, Timmy Ti-Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Ti-Timmy Timmy, Timmy, Ti-Ti-Ti Timmy! Woooooooaaaaaaah!♪
(Mordecai and Rigby laugh)
Hi Five Ghost
I can't believe he's already turning ten.
Seriously. We watched that kid grow up, bro.
[flashback to Timmy's first birthday]
AAll
Happy birthday, Timmy!
TTimmy
[licks his cake, then he smothers his face in it]
Everyone laughs
[We are then shown Timmy at his pirate-themed party]
TTimmy
[stands on the plank] Guys, guys! Check it out! I'm gonna walk the plank like a real pirate! [jumps off the plank into the ball pit] Arrgh!
RMRigby and Muscle Man
[laugh]
[Cut to Timmy's astronaut-themed party]
And the winner of the astronaut ice cream-eating contest is....Timmy!
TTimmy
You guys always make my birthdays the best!
[flashback ends]
[puts on the party hat] Man, Timmy's parties just keep getting better every year.
[carries the presents] Yeah. We gotta make sure this stuntman party is the best one yet.
[on mobile phone] What do you mean a real stuntman job? But it's a stuntman-themed party! What are we supposed to tell our client?! [ticked off] Well, you can say goodbye to your complimentary fountain sodas, and YOU'LL NEVER STUNT IN THIS PARK AGAIN, MR. HAZARD! [furiously hangs up and angrily throws his phone]
Is everything okay, Benson?
[angrily turns to Mordecai and screams at him] No, everything is not okay! The stuntman cancelled, and Timmy's party is ruined!
But Timmy's counting on us!
I know. But where am I supposed to find a stuntman this late in the game?
Well, I might know a guy who...actually no. I don't know any stuntmen. Aah! You're losing it, Mitch!
[angrily grabs Muscle Man by the shirt] That's it! We have to cancel Timmy's party!
[stops Benson from throttling Muscle Man] No, wait!
Yeah. Maybe one of us can do the stunt.
[grabs Mordecai and Rigby's shirts] No, it has to be a licensed stuntman. Our insurance doesn't cover amateurs.
Well, how hard is it to get a license?
[crosses his arms] Hard. The success rate at Stuntman College is only 25%, and you guys aren't exactly stuntman material.
But if it's 25%, then one of us should be able to do it, right?
[turns red] You think you'll beat the odds like that in one day?
If that's what it'll take to make Timmy happy, then we'll do it!
Rigby: Yeah. It's the only chance we have.
We're done with all the party prep. I'll enroll us right now.
Okay, but one of you better come back with a stuntman license, or else Timmy's birthday or probably his life are gonna be ruined.
You havin' fun, buddy? Enjoying your wings?
Honestly, bro, they taste bittersweet. But I just wanted to have them-[sadly]-one last time.
[covering his eyes] I can't watch.
[places his hand on Rigby's shoulder] Don't look away, Rigby, look at him! Look at this…Muscle Man! This guy, from who we've all learned so much--from this guy, his joke telling, his loyalty…
Hi Five Ghost
[near-crying] I never wanted to be anyone's best friend, until I met you.
[stands up] No, let me finish! What we'll remember most about you more than anything else is- [holds in a vomit] Excuse me. Your passion, Muscle Man. Your passion! If you'll all join me.
[after Muscle Man proposed to Starla and start kissing]
Wait, so Muscle Man was fine this whole time?
I'm as healthy as can be.
Then what was all the stuff with Dr. Henry?
I just had to make sure I was fit enough to keep up with this she-lion. Thanks a ton, you guys, for helping me finish my bucket list.
[enraged] "Thanks?!" I BLEW TWELVE GRAND ON YOU TODAY!
Hi-Five Ghost
Do you even know what you put us through?!
Yeah, Muscle Man! We all thought you were gonna die!
What are you talking about, bro?
You had an appointment with Death!
You had to get your papers in order?!
My toilet papers. I had to fold 'em into little triangles so my place would look nice for the after-party.
[enters] And I'm only here to deliver his aunt's ring from the underworld.
Oh, come on! This is textbook engagement story. You shed your bachelor self before you get married and be a husband. All that death stuff was a metaphor.
[grabs Muscle Man by the shirt] "I LEAVE THIS WORLD TONIGHT" IS NOT A METAPHOR!!
Ohhh. Oh, I see what you're saying. Sorry about that.
Next time you die, you're on your own!
[Everyone leaves disgusted, save for Benson]
[sternly] You owe me $12,000. [leaves]
[at Hi-Five Ghost] You get it, don't you, bro?
Hi-Five Ghost
[beat, smiles] Best proposal ever!
And Mordecai and Rigby, let's have you pick up trash by the snack bar.
Don't worry, this is the last time you'll be on trash duty for a while.
Awesome! Wait, we're not getting another intern, are we? Because I don't think I can handle another spy situation.
No, I've actually got some very big news about your dome-estic situation! (everybody stares at him) Hopefully it won't cause any pan-dome-onium! (everybody continues to stare) Dome you have any ideas about what's going to happen? (everybody is still staring) No one, huh? Well, since I have to spell it out for you, Maellard's decided to seal off the park in a dome to create a contained ego-system! A group of scientists from the government are going to study it for a whole month!
Bro, have would we ever have guessed that?
A whole month? Where are we supposed to go?
You'll have to move out, the dome's dropping tomorrow! Isn't that exciting?
Why aren't you more upset about the inconvenience?
Because I don't live at the park.
So we can stay at your place?
Heh, well, my place, while officially a one bedroom, (the wind starts blowing strong) feels more like a studio. So there isn't really any room! (he looks up and sees a dome coming down onto the park)
Hi Five Ghost
It's not tomorrow! It's today! They're sealing the park today!
MDr. Matthews
Mm. Looks like everything's normal.
I just have one question for you, doc. Who's this guy? [points to Hi Five Ghost, laying next to him, cheerfully smiling]
[The Park workers gasp in horrified shock that Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost don't know each other]
Hi Five Ghost
Hi. I'm Hi Five Ghost. I actually work at the Park, too. I'm surprised we never ran into each other.
Whoa! You guys really don't remember each other?!
What are you talking about, Mordecai? Why should we?
Hi Five Ghost
Yeah, I mean, how can I remember someone I just met?
MDr. Matthews
They're suffering from a very specific form of amnesia--one that only targets the memories of their friendship.
Regular Show · 562 quotes
