Muscle Man Sorrenstein quotes from Regular Show

Muscle Man

Yo, HFG! I found a video game system on the ground. Let's see what happens when we put it in the Microwave.

Muscle Man

Oh, no, bro! Mordecai: He did it! He got through the whole meal! Rigby: Wait, who's that?

Muscle Man

(Slowly) Oh, no, bro! I Gotta go to the meeting!

Muscle Man

No sugar? You're loss, grandmas. Woooooh! More for me, bro! (Stuffs glazed donuts in his mouth) You know who else likes to stuff themselves with their boss's free donuts? (Muscle Man gets sugar high, and drops the donuts.) (Jumps around, floats in the air) MY MOM! MY MOM! MY MOM! MY MOM, MY MOM! MY MOMMY, MOMMY, MOM! MY MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY , MOM EEYEEEOOOWWWWWW...!!! ( He completely disappears.)

Muscle Man

THOMAS DID THIS!?

Muscle Man

Skips! Test your strength, bro! [his hair becomes dark and wiggly] Ring the bell, Skips! [raises and offers him the mallet] Ring the bell!

Muscle Man

You know who else leads to violence and horror?! MY MOM!!!

Muscle Man

When I first met Hi Five Ghost, I couldn't stand him. [Flashback to South Tree High School] You see, back in high school, I was the most popular guy for miles.

Benson

YOU!

Mordecai

Woah! Hey Benson. Before you freak out, we totally set up those chairs.

Muscle Man

WOOO!!! This birthday party's hot!

Rigby

So we're cool, right?

Benson

YOU IDIOTS!! That's the last time I entrust you with something important, LIKE THE CHAIRS!!!

OOOOHHHHH!!!! Not settin' up the chairs next time! Not settin' up the chairs next time!

Benson

But you ARE going to clean up this mess, and you can start by sweeping up the special entertainment.

Mordecai

Yeah, no problem!

Rigby

We got it.

Mordecai

Don't worry about us!

Rigby

...We're gonna take a break first, right?

Mordecai

Yeah.

Mordecai

We-oo! We-oo! We-oo! [imitating a doctor] Quick, doctor. Both of these buttcheeks are unrecognizable! If we want anybody to recognize this as a butt in the future, then we're gonna have to do a complete butt transplant, STAT!

Rigby

STOP TALKING!!! There was only damage to the one cheek and you know it!

Mordecai

[laughs] That's right. We used to call you "The One-Cheek Wonder!" Dude, I'm bringing it back.

Rigby

You better not.

Muscle Man

Is that One-Cheek Wonder? I hope he's not trying to play punchies with cheeks like that!

(Laughs)

Rigby

(Covers his buttchecks with his tail) SHUT UP!! Don't look at them! (Runs upstairs) I'll win at punchies, you'll see! (Slams the door then messes up Mordecai's side of the room) Dumb Mordecai!! I hate you!!

Mordecai

(Offscreen) You better not be messing up my side of the room!

Rigby

(Yells and picks up a phone book) YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!!!! (Throws phone book but the book bounces back at Rigby's face) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Rigby

(Moaning) Stupid bo- (Pause) -ok? Death Kwon Do? (reads the page) "Learn kicks, chops, and punches in moments!" "Unlock your full potential today"? Yeeeeesss!

Sensai

It's a touching story, really it is, but I don't know if you're ready for Death Kwon Do.

Rigby

Why not?

Sensai

Death Kwon Do is all about self defense. But from the sound of it, you just want to hit harder!

Rigby

Uh, no? Can you just teach me something?

Sensai

Hmm... Determination. I like that. OK, I'll teach you some beginner defensive moves. All you gotta do is pick from the sacred text of Death Kwon Do. (Holds up a note book) Let's see, we can start you off with the Bicep Flex of Death. Or there's the Leg Lifts of Death. That's a good beginners move, or the Pelvic Trust of Death. That's one of my personal favorites.

Rigby

That one. That's the one I want, the Death Punch.

Sensai

That, I'm afraid is not for beginners.

Rigby

What? Why?

Sensai

Because you only wanna use it to beat up your friends. You're not pure of heart!

Rigby

What!? Don't call me not pure of heart! What about you with your crappy mullet?! YOU'RE the one who's not pure of heart!!

Sensai

THAT'S IT!!! I'm turning my back on you and counting to 3 of death. And when I turn back around, YOU'RE TOAST!! 1... of death. 2... of death.

Rigby

Whoa... Time to take this baby for a test drive. (screams and lands outside)

Rigby

(screams and runs up to them, and throws out his punch beam at them. It hits Muscle Man and Hi Five so hard it sends them flying)

Muscle Man

(hits walls, cracking it) Oh no, bro!

Pops

WOOOAAAAAOOOOAOAAAOOOAH! (flies toward the sun)

Benson

Alright, everyone. I got some bad news. The park is being audited. ( He Points to Pops) Pops tried to pay the park taxes... [gives him a look] ...with lollipops.

Pops

But I gave them more than enough!

Benson

We already went over this, Pops. You pay taxes with money, not lollipops.

Pops

[sadly' Oh...

Rigby

[spits] What's the big deal? It's not like an audit is a bad thing.

Benson

It is a bad thing, Rigby! If we don't take care of this, the government takes all our stuff away.

Benson

Okay. We only have till 3:00 to stop the audit. Does anyone know someone who can help us? Anybody? Anybody at all?

Muscle Man

I know someone who can help...

Benson

[angrily] If you say your mom, you're fired!

Muscle Man

[long pause] My mom!

Benson

GET OUT!

Muscle Man

It was worth it! [he and High Five Ghost high-five and walk away]

Mordecai

[thinks] Hmmm... Hmph! Hey! [looks at Rigby] We know someone.

Rigby

We do? [Mordecai raises his arms. Suddenly, Rigby knows who he's referring to] No! No way!

Benson

What? If you know somebody, you've got to tell me.

Mordecai

Rigby has a brother. [Rigby punches him in the butt] And he's an accountant. [Rigby punches him again, rapidly]

Rigby

SHUT UP!

Mordecai

Dude, what do you have against Don?

Young Rigby

Guys, guys, guys! [zooms out to reveal four bored children, one of them a young Mordecai] Watch me blow out the candle, guys!

Hey, Rigby. Happy birthday, bro.

Young Rigby

Wha- wha - ? I told you to stay in the basement.

Oh. Sorry, Rigby. I just wanted to give you some birthday sugar.

Young Rigby

I DON'T WANT YOUR FREAKING SUGAR!

I'll give you some sugar, Don.

Yeah, me too! [giggles]

Young Rigby

DON'T YOU DARE!

Young Mordecai

I'm just getting some sugar, dude. [Rigby lets go of him] Besides, Don is cool.

You're the best, Don!

Mordecai

Yeah. Don really made that party.

Benson

Call your brother.

Rigby

No!

Benson

CALL YOUR BROTHER!

Rigby

NO! I HATE HIM!!!

Benson

Fine! Mordecai, you call him.

Rigby

YOU BETTER NOT!

Mordecai

Dude, he could save the park.

Rigby

Dude, he could ruin my life! If he comes, I'm gonna tell him to leave.

Benson

No, you won't, YOU BE NICE TO YOUR BROTHER OR YOUR FIRED!! [to Mordecai] Call him.

Mordecai

[to Rigby] Dude, just be cool until he stops the audit.

Muscle Man

This...sucks! Wait.. what is that?

Rigby

GIMME SOME SNACKS!!!

What are you~?!

Muscle Man

Looks like a bucket of diarrhea...

Rigby

It's me, Rigby!!

Muscle Man

Oh man! THAT BOOT WITH WHEELS STOLE RIGBY'S VOICE!!

Rigby

No! I didn't steal anything!

Muscle Man

You're not stealin' these voices! C'mon Fives, let's bail!! [runs off]

Rigby

Come back!!

Muscle Man

No way, bro!

Rigby

It's me, Rigby!! [falls down] Aw, man!

Benson

Next person receiving an appreciation plague is… Skips. [the other workers applaud for Skips as he comes over to him] It says here in the Book of Park Records that you went the whole year without taking a day off.

Muscle Man

[to Hi Five Ghost] Oh, man, that's like, 400 days!

Benson

[giving Skips his plaque] Thanks, Skips. We appreciate it. Next is, Pops.

Pops

[joyfully] Hooray!

Benson

For helping a baby bird back into its nest.

Benson

I can't find Pops! Did you see him?

Skips

No! I checked everywhere!

Benson

Muscle Man! Have you seen Pops at all today?

Muscle Man

Yeah. And you know who else has seen Pops today?

Benson

Who? Your mom?

Muscle Man

I wasn't gonna say that!! Why does everyone always think I'm going to say "my mom"?! I saw Pops earlier by the playground with those two losers.

Benson

Oh, great. Mordecai and Rigby found him first.

Skips

We better find him quick!