Don Riggerson quotes from Regular Show

Benson

Alright, everyone. I got some bad news. The park is being audited. ( He Points to Pops) Pops tried to pay the park taxes... [gives him a look] ...with lollipops.

Pops

But I gave them more than enough!

Benson

We already went over this, Pops. You pay taxes with money, not lollipops.

Pops

[sadly' Oh...

Rigby

[spits] What's the big deal? It's not like an audit is a bad thing.

Benson

It is a bad thing, Rigby! If we don't take care of this, the government takes all our stuff away.

Benson

Okay. We only have till 3:00 to stop the audit. Does anyone know someone who can help us? Anybody? Anybody at all?

Muscle Man

I know someone who can help...

Benson

[angrily] If you say your mom, you're fired!

Muscle Man

[long pause] My mom!

Benson

GET OUT!

Muscle Man

It was worth it! [he and High Five Ghost high-five and walk away]

Mordecai

[thinks] Hmmm... Hmph! Hey! [looks at Rigby] We know someone.

Rigby

We do? [Mordecai raises his arms. Suddenly, Rigby knows who he's referring to] No! No way!

Benson

What? If you know somebody, you've got to tell me.

Mordecai

Rigby has a brother. [Rigby punches him in the butt] And he's an accountant. [Rigby punches him again, rapidly]

Rigby

SHUT UP!

Mordecai

Dude, what do you have against Don?

Young Rigby

Guys, guys, guys! [zooms out to reveal four bored children, one of them a young Mordecai] Watch me blow out the candle, guys!

Hey, Rigby. Happy birthday, bro.

Young Rigby

Wha- wha - ? I told you to stay in the basement.

Oh. Sorry, Rigby. I just wanted to give you some birthday sugar.

Young Rigby

I DON'T WANT YOUR FREAKING SUGAR!

I'll give you some sugar, Don.

Yeah, me too! [giggles]

Young Rigby

DON'T YOU DARE!

Young Mordecai

I'm just getting some sugar, dude. [Rigby lets go of him] Besides, Don is cool.

You're the best, Don!

Mordecai

Yeah. Don really made that party.

Benson

Call your brother.

Rigby

No!

Benson

CALL YOUR BROTHER!

Rigby

NO! I HATE HIM!!!

Benson

Fine! Mordecai, you call him.

Rigby

YOU BETTER NOT!

Mordecai

Dude, he could save the park.

Rigby

Dude, he could ruin my life! If he comes, I'm gonna tell him to leave.

Benson

No, you won't, YOU BE NICE TO YOUR BROTHER OR YOUR FIRED!! [to Mordecai] Call him.

Mordecai

[to Rigby] Dude, just be cool until he stops the audit.

Benson, give me some sugar! [hugs Benson] Nice to meet you! [points to Pops] Hey, who's this guy?

Pops

I'm Pops!

Pops, give me some sugar!

Pops

[runs laughing to Don and hugs him]

[hugs Skips] Don. Good to meet you. [to Mordecai] Look at this sugar shack. C'mere, guy! I haven't seen you in forever.

Mordecai

[hugs Don] Yeah, I know! It's been forever!

Rigby, give me some sugar, bro!

Rigby

Don't you have taxies to do? Why don't you get to it?

Oh, ha ha... he was always greedy with the sugar.

Rigby

Augh...! I can't wait for you to get out of my life!

What, bro?

Benson

[mouthing angrily] You keep your mouth SHUT!

Rigby

Nothing.

Rigbone! How about a little pre-saving the park sugar? You know, for almost being done saving the park?

Rigby

NO!

What's going on with us? You never give me some sugar. Did I do something?

Rigby

Yeah. You were BORN!

[visibly hurt] Wow. That's heavy. I gotta get out of here. [Don leaves the room]

Mordecai

Dude? No, wait! Don!

I'm sorry. I just... gotta get out of here! [Don continues leaving]

Benson

[off-screen as the basketball goes through his office window, making a hole; outraged] OH, COME ON! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Rigby

[sighs] I need help. [inside the house…] I really messed this up for everyone. [sadly looks at the photo of him and his friends, then lowers it, seeing them all glaring annoyingly at him and walk off; sighs] Guess there's only one person who can help me now. [picks up the phone and calls a number] Hey, can you come over? I need your help.

[steps out of his car; cheerfully] Rigbone! How's my big bro?

Rigby

[pleased] Thanks for coming, Don.

[walks up to him] Man, it's been a while. You look good. Gotta say, I'm a little surprised you called me. What's up?

Rigby

I'm in a lot of trouble, Don. There's these guys--

Oh, hey! Bank shot! [runs up to it] I haven't sen one of these since we were kids! [performs a perfect bank shot] Whoo! Good times. So, uh, what's the problem?

Rigby

I ran my mouth off to the wrong guys and now I'm in trouble. I gotta win a bank shot match. All my money's ridin' on it.

But you're great at this.

Rigby

Not anymore. I lost my touch. You're the only guy I know who's better at this than me. You gotta help me out.

Well, here. [passes the ball to his brother] Show me what you got.

Benson

[off-screen; outraged] Ugh, not again!

I see. We've got a lot of work to do.

Rigby

Well, let's get started.

Wait. Lemme get my workout gear on. (puts on a headband) Alright, let's go!

Rigby

How do you do it man? You never miss!

You're just overthinking it. I've seen you do bank shots I can't believe. You're just as good as me. Maybe even better. You've always trusted your gut ever since we were kids. Why stop now?

Rigby

I did trust my gut on that epic shot and I lost my trucker hat. My gut doesn't know anything. I can't rely on feelings. If I lose that rematch I'll let all my friends down.

You won't lose, Rigby. I believe in you.

Rigby

Really?

I know it right here.

Rigby

Thanks, man. (Goes to try again) Time to show that square-faced sucka who's boss!

Eileen

Your dad? Tell him I said hi!

Rigby

Eileen says hi.

Sherm

Hi, Eileen!

Barbera

Hi, Eileen!

Hi, Eileen!

Rigby

[whispering] No.

[whispering] Bro.

Sherm

Will you two pipe down?! I'm trying to polish my picture of my prized car.

Barbera

[enters the dining room with both Rigby and Don's dinner plates; cheerfully] What a surprise for you boys to drop in.

Sherm

"Drop in." Ha! You really think Rigby would just come to dinner? I know you just need something.

Barbera

[takes a seat at the table] Oh, hush, Sherm. [to her boys] So, how are things at work?

Great! We just picked up Cheezer's as a new client.

Sherm

That's our Donny!

Rigby

I ate at Cheezer's yesterday.

Sherm

That was a good update, Don.