A character in Regular Show
Played by Sam Marin
Regular Show · 562 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Regular Show: in 195 of its 562 quotes
Most scenes with: Mordecai (125), Rigby Riggerson (122), Muscle Man Sorrenstein (38)
BensonHey! Let me tell you guys something. This guy.. this guy right here is SO strong. He could take anyone of you OUT in arm-wrestling.
Nah, nah...
BensonSkips! SKIPS! I am your boss!! And as your boss, I order you to arm-wrestle me.
BensonAnd if you don't stop goofing off and clean up this graffiti NOW, I’M GONNA TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!!!
Huh...??
BensonDo you have anything to say for yourselves?
What just happened?
Ugh, I don't remember anything...
Me and Fives were practicing for a pie-eating contest when you two dweebs came in speaking Spanish or something. [chows down pie]
Then you drank that green stuff.
AUGH!! I can't believe you made me drink your lame drink!
BensonBetter get started, or it's coming out of your paycheck.
Yeah, losers.
BensonMordecai, Rigby, get downstairs right now and clean up the mess you made, or I'm gonna fire....
[into the smarter world]
Dude, what is he saying?
[Benson, Pops and Skips are now ape-like neanderthals speaking nonsensical gibberish]
Oh no! We've become so smart they're stupid to us!
[in the real world]
Quarum hie vitio morianis!
MORIANIS!!? Morianis vestris incipi(v)it rem TOTAM!!
Et harum facere dabere ire stultum!
If you haven't made fun of me so much, none of this would've happened.
Whatever. You can't even get your diploma, because we're so smart. So, what's the point?
You're right. There is no point.
Huh?
What's the point of being so smart, if you can't even under- (off-screen) -stand anyone? (on-screen) We have to get stupid again.
How?
...RigJuice.
The fridge! (Mordecai and Rigby float to the fridge.)
(Scene then shows Muscle Man and High-Fives in a different way too while Muscle Man is eating.) (Rigby opened the fridge.)
Ah ha! The RigJuice!
Pour me some.
Sorry, guys.
Yeah, sorry.
We didn't mean to ruin your good time.
BensonNo, no! I don't wanna hear it. Hey, I don't know what was on that tape or why those guys were after it, but I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. (Turns red) YOU'VE RUINED KARAOKE NIGHT!!!!!!
(Benson and the gang donut-straight outta here, leaving them both Mordecai and Rigby behind)
Yeah, uh– I know, that's why we tried to... apologize... to you. Man, karaoke sucks.
It seems the honorable thing to do is apologize. Oh look! [holds up a joker card with Benson on it] This one is you! [giggles]
Benson[sighs] Alright.
Hmph. [tosses a walkie talkie to Benson]
BensonMordecai, Rigby, are you there? Pick up!
[reaches for walkie talkie] Let me try. Mordecai, Rigby. Are you there?
(over walkie talkie) Hey Skips.
BensonTell them I want to talk to them! Tell them!
Where are you? [skips away] Where are you guys?
BensonThis wouldn't have happened if you guys had done your job!
No, no, no! You can't get mad this time! You messed up, not us!
BensonArgh! Just LISTEN to me!
You know what, Benson? Forget it. [shoves Benson out of the cart and takes the wheel] Thanks for all your help, but we can get the stick hockey table without you. [he and Rigby drive off]
BensonWhat the heck?! How am I supposed to get back to the park?!
BensonMan, Skips is on fire tonight! Another perfect game!
We're going to the championship, baby!
You guys wouldn't be so great if it wasn't for Skips.
Well, we can't help that he's just plain awesome, right, Skips?
Hey, that's just how I roll.
OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!
BensonThere she is, guys. Isn't she a beaut?
I want that beaut.
BensonSo who are we up against?
Some team called the Magical Elements.
The Magical Elements. Hm, hm, more like the Magical Loserments.
What did you say about us?
[on phone] How do you like the new body? Don't think this is all over, because I'm just getting started. You're gonna pay.
Benson[picks up the phone] Hello? Listen, I don't know who this is, but you better change Rigby back right now, or I--
[emerges his arms from the phone] NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO! [starts strangling Benson by the throat]
Did you guys see that?!
This is not good.
BensonWhat are we gonna do then?!
Guys...?
What, what is it?
[A loud knock is heard at the door, someone quietly opens it and a skinless Muscle Man is shown to be the knocker]
I told you I was ripped... [falls forward and dies]
AHHH! [telephone rings] AHHH!
[Hi Five Ghost runs to answer it]
[last words] No, Fives, WAIT!
[answers phone] Hello?
Goodbye! [sucks Hi Five Ghost into the phone and squirts him out as a liquid all over Skips and Mordecai, as Benson vomits his gumballs]
[last words] Worst phone call ever.
[Mordecai and Skips are covered in liquid and Mordecai is pushed against the bookshelf by the Halloween Wizard and is knock unconscious. Benson and Pops scream in terror and hide in rooms while Skips tries punching the Halloween Wizard but the Halloween Wizard trips him]
If you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen!
[Halloween Wizard throws Skips into the chimney, and fire goes up the chimney and burns Skips as fire goes to the top of the house and Rigby screams, Halloween Wizard runs into the bathroom, opens the shower curtain, and sees Benson]
What's up, gumball?
[Benson screams. Him and his nun chucks are flushed down the toilet, causing his gumballs to rise]
[in bedroom] Show yourself... Bad show, very bad show! [door opens] AHHH!
[Pops fires sling-shot, but it hits the wall, Pops gets thrown into a closet and disappears]
What's happening? Hello, is anybody there? Can anyone hear me?
[wakes up] Rigby?
Mordecai!
Don't worry, Rigby, I'm here. I won't anything happen to you.
[An invisible force comes and chops Mordecai's head off and his head falls to the ground]
[last words] Huh, so this is what it feels like to be as tall as Rigby.
[Mordecai gags and dies]
Mordecai? Mordecai? I'm sorry, okay?! I shouldn't have egged your house; do you hear me?! I'm sorry!
[The Halloween Wizard goes to Rigby and laughs]
I told you you'd pay.
Well then, what are you waiting for?! Do it! Do it already!
[The wizard uncovers a case and laughs maniacally while Rigby screams and eggs are thrown at him]
Huh, what?!
How do you like it?
What?! You turned me into a house and killed all of my friends just to throw eggs at me?! THAT'S IT?!
Yep, that's it.
[Points up; zooms out to reveal a big egg coming down on Rigby, then Rigby screams as the egg collapses and he melts]
BensonWhen are you guys going to get it through your heads? Nothing you say or do will ever make me admit you're cool!
You know what, Benson? I just realized something. We don't care what you think.
If we can get you to admit that we're cool, then you have to give us the cart back.
BensonSounds good to me 'cause it'll never happen.
You're wrong! You're all like "that'll never happen", and then we'll get all cool and you'll be all like "whoa" and then we'll be all like "in your face!"
BensonHa, then I'll be all like "GET BACK TO WORK!!!!!"
BensonHey, guys. Listen, when you've got a minute, I need you to take a look at these.
Sure, Benson. [hands over "Benson's House Rules" book] Oh, the house rules? Thanks, but we already have these.
BensonUh, no, you don't. Cos I've added a few new ones in there and I'm gonna need you to sign off on them, okay? [leaves]
Aw, man, more rules?! He's gotta be joking!
Alright, let's see. "Rule #114: No feet on the table." [Mordecai and Rigby's feet are on the table, then they take them off, moaning] "Rule #115: No food on the table." [food is seen on the table, so they knock it all off]
Fine!
"Rule #116: No food on the floor."
WHAT?! That's going WAY too far!! [growls while straining himself to lift the table] Come on, man! Help me flip the table!
No, dude, just chill out. There's only one more new rule left.
What is it?
[Mordecai flips the page that says "Rule #117: No video games.", then, a shocked look comes to his face as the camera zooms in. Cut into Benson's office]
No video games!?!
Are you nuts?!
Benson"Rule #47: No yelling!"
You can't take video games away from us, man! What're we supposed to do?!
BensonWork. You're supposed to work.
You know what? We're sick of all your rules! "No prank calls, no rock-paper-scissors, no punchies — no unicorns"? What does that even mean?!
These rules are all totally random, Benson, and they're all aimed at us!
BensonThat's not true. "Number 68: no harpsichord playing after 10 pm."
[to Mordecai] I actually kinda like that one.
Yeah, but that's the only good one in there. The rest of them are terrible!
BensonLook, I'm doing you a favor. Life without rules is chaos.
Fine, but we're only signing off on the rules we like.
Yeah, like the harpsichord one!
BensonIt doesn't work that way! If you can't agree to live by all the house rules, THEN YOU CAN'T LIVE IN THIS HOUSE!!!
Well then, we won't live in this house!
Yeah, cos your rules are wack!
We'll show you. We're not gonna live with any rules at all.
BensonWell, well, well. Wasn't so easy living without rules, was it? [opens book] Wait a minute. One of these rules is missing.
Oh, no. Which one?
BensonI don't know, there's over a hundred of these things!
Well, then, how do you know it's missing?
Benson[outraged] BECAUSE SOMEBODY RIPPED IT OUT!!!
That's crazy. I wonder which one it is.
Hmph. Hmph. I don't need those guys, I can play video games by myself. [The ripped page falls onto his lap. It is Rule #117: No Video Games] NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Dude, Benson! What's the rush? It's not like you have somewhere to be.
BensonYeah, actually, I do! I do have a life outside of work, you know.
Yeah, right. Where are you gonna go, Benson?
Yeah, where are you gonna go, dude?
BensonJUST HOLD THE LADDER!
Come on, man! Spill it. Where are you going to go?
[Mordecai and Rigby let go of the ladder]
Dude, Rigby! Leave him alone! Can't you tell you're annoying him?
Benson[gets up] That's it... I've had it with you two. I can't even knock out without you ruining my social life and getting me into stupid food challenges.
But Benson, we won! [grumble] ...Didn't we?
BensonWon? I would've never gotten into this mess if you two weren't just messing around. You two are fired! No more chances, just get outta here.
[gasps] Benson, look!
BensonWhat? [he pulls off paper attached to him, reading "CALL ME, 555-0155. ♥ AUDREY"]
What does it say?
Yeah man, what does it say?
BensonAh... Get back to work.
Rigby RiggersonWilliam Salyers · 322 quotes
MordecaiJ. G. Quintel · 310 quotes
Muscle Man SorrensteinSam Marin · 88 quotes
Pops MaellardSam Marin · 58 quotes
SkipsMark Hamill · 53 quotes
Eileen Roberts-RiggersonMinty Lewis · 42 quotes
Hi-Five GhostJ. G. Quintel · 23 quotes
Margaret SmithJanie Haddad-Tompkins · 23 quotes
C.JLinda Cardellini · 11 quotes
TThomas8 quotes
DRDon RiggersonJulian Dean · 7 quotes
ShermEddie Pepitone · 7 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Regular Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
