[Muscle Man laughs as he straps Mordecai's bed to the ceiling]
I can't wait to see the look on Mordecai's face when he finds his bed on the ceiling. He'll be like, "Oh, no! Where am I gonna sleep tonight?"! [he and Hi-5 Ghost laugh] Best prank ever! [high five each other]
[Pops runs in playing with a red balloon, laughing]
I've got you this time, balloon!
Oh, no, bro! [Pops sobs loudly. Benson and the others come]
BensonPops! [Skips removes the bed from a severely injured Pops] Call the ambulance, now! It's gonna be okay, Pops. [Mordecai goes to call the hospital while the others try to comfort Pops as he continues sobbing in pain. Muscle Man looks upset and guilty]
Benson
[Enters Muscle Man's Trailer] Muscle Man, the rival park is pranking us again. We need you!
You got the wrong man, I don't do that anymore.
Benson
But we're getting destroyed!
Maybe I didn't make myself clear. I don't prank anymore.
Benson
I can't believe this! You're just gonna let them destroy the park?!
[Stands up and points at Benson] Whoa! Back up, bro! I almost killed a man. A park, that's just land. You can replace that any day of the week, but a man's life, that's forever.
Benson
But the park i--
It's over, Benson. I'm done.
Benson
[Sighs] Thanks for nothing.
Benson
As you guys may or may not know, it's Pops' birthday tomorrow. I was planning on getting him something nice from the arts and crafts fair last Saturday, but... nothing really stood out. Has anybody gotten him anything yet?
Benson
Why am I not surprised? [pulls cap off of marker] Ideas? Anybody?
How about one of them Jeff Forgeman grills?
Benson
That's actually not a bad idea, but Pops has been watching his cholesterol. Doctor's orders. What else?
How about we get him some new gardening tools?
Benson
Well, maybe. It's just, he gets new gardening tools all the time.
What about some horseback riding lessons?
Benson
Please tell me you're joking.
Well, no. Isn't he into that?
Benson
Don't you remember? That's the exact same gift we got him last year.
Don't "pshh" me! I don't hear you coming up with anything.
Yeah, but at least I didn't say the same thing that we got him last year!
[The Park gang stop the Capicola Gang at their tracks]
Give us back our dice! We won 'em fair and square!
BLBear Leader
There's no way you're getting these dice. Now get outta the way before somebody gets hurt!
Benson
What could you possibly want with fuzzy dice?
LLouie
Well, 10 years ago, we knocked over at big city jewelers, and we made off with millions worth of uncut diamonds. [points to the dice] And those diamonds are in those dice.
BLBear Leader
[thwacks Louie in the face] Shut up, Louie!
Benson
I remember reading about that! That was you?
BLBear Leader
Yeah, that's right. We've been laying low for 10 long years waiting for the statute of limitations on grand theft larceny to run out. And it was supposed to end tonight at midnight.
Mm-hmm. Until you clowns came along and ruined everything.
Can't we just have the dice without the diamonds?
BLBear Leader
It's too late. And you know too much.
Benson
If you pass them out before the meeting, you're fired, got it?
Benson
Good. Now what do I just tell you?
Get the donuts and don't pass them out, or else we're fired.
Benson
And?
Oh, and you want a whole wheat donut.
Benson
Good. Maybe you are ready for more responsibility. Now go get the donuts.
MRMordecai and Rigby
(Gets out of chairs and start rapping) D-d-d-d-donuts! D-d-d-d-donuts, donuts! D-d-d-d-donuts! D-d-d-d--
Benson
[annoyingly yelling] JUST BUY THE DONUTS OR YOU'RE FIRED!
Dude, that story was lame!
Yeah, Benson, we're not even that dumb!
Benson
It's my story! I'll tell it how I want it!
Listen up, everyone. I got a story about Benson.
Benson
No, you don't! No more stories, Rigby!
TTTow Truck Guy
Party is just up ahead, chief.
Benson
Ha! See? Great. We're almost there.
Yeah, totally great. That means there's enough for me to tell the story to chose how dumb Benson is!
Benson
No, there isn't! Story time is over, Rigby!
Once upon a time, Benson was so dumb!
Benson
No stories!
Benson
(turns red) Mordecai! Rigby!
Whoa, Benson, we're sorry!
At least we didn't give up, right?
Benson
UNBELIEVABLE!
Look, we judged the pie contest.
You're just mad we didn't quit and now you can't fire us.
Benson
Oh, can't I?!
MRMordecai & Rigby
No, you can't.
Benson
Yeah, I guess you're right. (Gives M&R litter picking supplies) Clean up this MESS or you're FIRED! (Walks away)
Rigby, she needs our support.
You heard her, Eileen. She wants to transfer colleges. What if we never see her again? (Then the words echo in Mordecai's mind and the tone gets lower. Mordecai starts to worry about never seeing Margaret ever again.) Right, Mordecai? Yo, Mordecai! Mordo, buddy, are you alright?
Guys, it's Margaret's last night of freedom! Let's surprise her with the biggest party of her life.
MRMordecai, Rigby and Eileen
T.G.I. Tuesday!
[Mordecai, Rigby, and Eileen duck a bit so their voices are kept down]
She gets off work at eight tonight, so we only have a few hours. First, let's get supplies.
MRMordecai, Rigby and Eileen
T.G.I. Tuesday.
Benson
Yep, the Parkside Lux. This ballroom used to host the most elegant balls in its day.
Benson
Oh, they were huge!
[Snickers, then Catra punches him] Ow!
CCatra
Stop it right now, or he'll take it all back!
Muscle Man, there is no way you're gonna pull this off.
I swear, I've done it, before.
MRMordecai and Rigby
Pffffft.
(Muscle Man lights up two gun lighters and lights up two fireworks. The two fireworks shoot up in the air, they bump and explode. Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost watch the fireworks.)
MMMordecai, Muscle Man, and Hi-Five Ghost
Whooooa...
[The tiny spark from the fireworks itself lights up all the fireworks. They look back, and then the fireworks explode. All of the fireworks goes up and explode all at the same time. Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost look at the fireworks, while all of this is going on, Benson appears on the scene. Benson looks at the fireworks exploding, and the grand finale explodes with the words "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!" Benson turns red, clearly enraged by what he has seen, he gets out the cart and goes up to them.]
Benson
(to Muscle Man) WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!
Benson
[angrily corners Muscle Man who backs away]WHY WOULD YOU LIGHT UP ALL THE FIREWORKS BEFORE THE BIGGEST EVENT OF THE YEAR?!?!
Just hang on now, Benson! I know this looks bad, but I can fix it.
Benson
[grabs Muscle Man by the shirt] Fix it?! FIX WHAT?!?!?! YOU JUST RUINED THE FOURTH OF JULY!!!!
I know! I know! Just hear me out. I know a guy who's got the hookup on cheap fireworks.
Benson
[screaming in Muscle Man's face that blasts his hair]I DON'T WANT CHEAP FIREWORKS!!!! THAT STUFF YOU JUST BLEW UP WAS TOP OF THE LINE!!!!!!!!
Benson, trust me. This guy's stuff is quality. I'll pay for it out of my own pocket.
Benson
[furiously throws Muscle Man to the ground]Alright, fine! But if you guys aren't back before the show starts at sundown, YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!! (Angrily drives Off)
Dude, you better be able to get those Fireworks.
Benson
This wasn't the deal! You guys were supposed to replace the ones that you set off this morning. That's it. I'm calling it off! You guys are all FIRED!
Benson
Alright, you guys. Somehow, you managed to top last year's firework show, so I guess I'm not gonna fire you.
MRMordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost
Yeah! / Alright.
Benson
In fact, I'm putting you 4 in charge of a very special job.
Oh, cool! What special job?
Benson
(turning red) REPLACING THE 3 FOOTBALL FIELDS WORTH OF GRASS YOU JUST BURNT!!!
[Benson and Skips walk away]
Don't worry. I know a guy who's got the hookup on real cheap sod.
Benson
Well well well well. Looks like it's time for a little payback. Let's see how they like it when somebody steal their OWN sandwich. [grabs the Death Sandwich and took a bite of Death Sandwich.]
[As Mordecai and Rigby enter the kitchen, they see Benson choking with his face all green when he took a bite of the Death Sandwich]
Whoa. Benson, are you okay?
It really is a Death Sandwich!
Benson
[choking] Death Sandwich?! Why would you buy something that kills people?!
Why would you eat somebody's sandwich?!
Come on guys, this is serious. We gotta get Benson a cure for the Death Sandwich before it's too late.
Benson
You guys have all your assignments for today. Oh, and don't forget that tonight is Game Night.
Benson
Yeah, Skips. What are we playing?
Tonight, we will be playing Drawsome.
Alright. I love me some Drawsome. Who else is showing up to this Drawsome event?
I got a giant baby, Gary, and my cousin Quips.
Your cousin Quips is annoying.
Yeah, man. He's always telling lame jokes.
What are you guys talking about?
Come on. Every other word out of that guy's mouth is some annoying joke.
Yeah. Some joke that isn't funny.
Come on, guys! His jokes aren't that bad.
QQuips
And then he said, "Yes, I do!" (laughs) Alright, seriously, last one, 'cause I got to go. What? Hey, wait! I didn't even get to finish my punchline! Aw, well. He's probably already heard my routine. Heeey, who's ready for some funny?
You guys all remember my cousin Quips.
QQuips
Hey, Benson. Nice to see ya. Speaking of "see ya", what did one ocean say to the other ocean? "Sea ya later!" (laughs)
Benson
I don't get it.
QQuips
Oh, well, an ocean is a body of water and the sea is also—
Benson
I don't care.
QQuips
A little more care will give you a little more hair. Zingo!
Benson
Ugh!
QQuips
Pops, looking good. In fact, you look amazing. Just a compliment. Don't get a big head. Oops! Too late! Zammo! And, of course, Muscle Man, you love the jokes. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bay-gulls! (laughs) I got a whole bait about bodies of water. What? You say you want another one?
QQuips
What did the lake say to the puddle?
Come on, Quips. Let's get you unpacked. You probably want to lie down after your trip.
QQuips
Guess it's time to take this comedy show on the road. And by comedy show, I mean me! Zingo!
Dude, he's even worse than last time.
Yeah, Skips. Tell your cousin that if he can't stop telling jokes, then he's gotta get out of here.
I can't just do that. I invited him here. No one told you to get rid of your brother Don when he visited.
That's because everyone loved him! I tried to get rid of him!
Ugh! Alright, fine. I'll tell him soon.
QQuips
Wow, guys. Those coughs sound pretty serious. You guys should see a doctor. Oh, that reminds me. Why did the clown go to the doctor? He was feeling a little funny!
Benson
Who is that?
He's our new friend. Dancing caveman.
Benson
Caveman? No, no. No way. I'm not having a caveman at the park. We aren't insured for it.
Yeah, we can't just get rid of him!
Benson
A caveman cannot fit into this modern world.
[Caveman squeezes a ketchup bottle and mustard bottle into his mouth and he throw the bottles at Benson, who blocks them with the clipboard]
Benson
See?!
Benson
Really? What's his name?
Benson
Get rid of him!
But he'll die out there alone! Come on, Benson.
MRMordecai & Rigby
Please?
Benson
…Fine. You have a week to get him civilized.
Benson
But if he isn't up to park standards in a week, I'm calling the pound!! [leaves]
We're gonna need some help.
Benson, something's gotta be done about those geese! Pops is locked in his room crying!
Benson
Yeah, we've been getting complaints. They're highly territorial war-like birds. Luckily, I got a couple guys who'll be takin' care of the problem.
Benson
Couple of guys named Mordecai and Rigby.
Maybe you don't understand, Benson, these geese — they're terrifying.
Benson
I don't wanna hear it. DO IT OR YOU'RE FIRED!!
Man, you always say that. You're all talk, Benson.
Benson
HGNNN RAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
[Benson chases them off his office]
Regular Show · 562 quotes
