Donut quotes from Red vs Blue

Be careful Sarge, that stalagmite almost hit me!

Actually Grif, that was a stalactite. You see stalagmite's grow up from the ground.

I don't care, Donut. The point is that I almost got crushed by huge fucking-(A stalagsomething crushes and kills Grif)...Ow,

Ok, how about this? Donut gets to shoot you in exchange for you getting to say what you need to say.

Five minutes of talking, for one shot. Where do you want it, Blue? The shoulder or the foot?

Well, obviously I would pick the foot, but I don't want you guys to shoot me in-

Deal. (Fires his pistol)

OW! Son of a bitch!

Okay, your five minutes have started. Go.

Mwhahaha!! Blarg blarg honk, haha!

Mwhaha! Blarg honk, you say? hmm haha fools.

Sarge

Blargity blarg... Ya honkbag.

Honk honk blarg blarg. Honkhonkblargblarg. Honk-honky blarg?

Sarge

Blarg. And also, honk. Are these really my lines? This is ridiculous! Who wrote this?!

Line...

Sarge

Enough blargin, when do I get to beat up Grif? He's got a honking coming to him!

Whats the motivation here? Is there like, a boss alien whose ass I should be kissing? Honk honk blarg, sir!

Hey Simmons. Is it just me, or do you have your head halfway up Sarge's blonk?

Hey, guys! Honk honk blarg blarg. Honk blarg blarg, blarg honk!

This is stupid. This character has less lines than I do.

Blargever, dude.

What am I talking about?

I'm an alien.

Well, what do the alien chicks look like?

I AM AN ALIEN!

Do they like to honk?

(not pausing) I'm an alien, I'm an alien, I'm an alien, I'm an alien.

Honk honk, blarg blarg, goddammit, honk.

[As a Wraith tank] Honk honk. Firing main blarg

[Fires sniper rifle] See? I'm telling you, there is something wrong with this honking thing. It doesn't work as an alien or as a person.

(after a long pause) ...El honk.

Hey reds, you honk! Blue blargs!

Who wants to see my honk honk? Go on, give it a blarg!

Shut the blarg up!!!

(wearing his white "ghost" armor, next to Caboose) Hi, everybody. I'm Private Church from the popular web series, Red vs. Blu- (Donut enters) Hey, Donut! What are you doing, man? You're supposed to be wearing your old red armor so that we can be red, white, and blue. This isn't very patriotic.

I'm being patriotic...in my own way!

Alright, let's just start alrea-

Hello, everyone. I am Private Church from the popular web series, Red vs.-

Caboose, that's my line.

You can't prove that!

As you probably know already, this weekend we celebrate July 4th, or as it's known in Mexico, Cinco de Mayo.

Many of you may take this oppurtunity to enjoy your weiner.

I know I will!

But the real reason we celebrate the 4th of July isn't for the food, or the fun, or even the picnics with the nonstop binge drinking.

What?

There's only one true reason we celebrate the 4th of July: to have a lot of explosions.

Yay! It's fireworks day!

Kick-ass! I've still got 3 fingers left from last year!

(holding grenade) Hello, Donut. Check out this awesome sparkler! It is even more fun because we are playing with it inside!

Hey, that's not a sparkler, that's a grenade!

Don't worry. We are completely safe. All of the doors are locked from the outside, so we cannot escape- oh, wait a minute (explodes)

(grilling) Hey there, Caboose. How do you like your meat? Well done, or pink and juicy!

Yes, I will take that fuzzy glowing hamburger, please.

Hey! That's not a hamburger, that's a grenade!

I know! I switched them when you weren't looking!...Maybe I should not have done that... (explodes)

Hey Caboose, have you seen my grenade?

Yes! I put it in my pants! Wait- (explodes)

For this last bit, the part of the bottle rocket will be played by Sheila. Enjoy.

Hey Donut, want to see my awesome bottle rocket?

Totally! Just remember, don't point it directly at me! Okay?

Okay, and I promise I won't forget whatever it is that you just said.

I forgoooot!

Okay, aaaand end scene. Well, I hope you've all learned a lot about fireworks, and maybe even a little bit about yourselves. (hissing of grenade)

Oopsie.

Uh-oh.

Running time!

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention the most important safety tip. If you have small children around, or even very very stupid adults, never ever let them play with fireworks without proper supervision.... Hey, what's that hissing noise?

CABOOSE!!!

Simmons did it!

What are you talking about? I wasn't even in this video!

Happy fireworks day everybody!

Previews? What the hell is that? I don't want some previewed movie that other people have seen already! Those are the sloppy seconds of cinema!

Aw, shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Silence is golden? Ain't there any dialogue in this picture? That's okay, I got my own soundtrack: This sucks! Zing!

No, you suck!

This isn't open mic night!

I heard this movie got two thumbs up. My question is up what? Oooh! That burns!

Why don't you go kill yourself?

Honk, honk, blarg, eh!

Shut that kid up!

Don't tell me how to raise my child!

I hate babies.

Oh come on, take the little brat to the lobby!

Allright, that's it. Get him, Junior!

Oof! [Simmons falls out of sight]

I didn't know this was gonna be an action movie! Ew, an NC-17 action movie!

Oh God, my spine! Put it back in, put it back in!

Hang up the fucking phone! [People yell]

God, chill out everybody, I have to take this! It could be incredibly important! [answers] Yo, what up, fools? [people yell] Oh, nothing. Whatcha doing? [More yelling] Aw, no way! I'm watching that movie right now too! [yelling] Oh snap, we're in the same theater! [Donut stands up]

What's up, girl?

What's up, dawg? God, doesn't this movie suck? All the people in here are assholes!