“4th Of July Safety Tips” quotes from Red vs Blue

(wearing his white "ghost" armor, next to Caboose) Hi, everybody. I'm Private Church from the popular web series, Red vs. Blu- (Donut enters) Hey, Donut! What are you doing, man? You're supposed to be wearing your old red armor so that we can be red, white, and blue. This isn't very patriotic.

I'm being patriotic...in my own way!

Alright, let's just start alrea-

Hello, everyone. I am Private Church from the popular web series, Red vs.-

Caboose, that's my line.

You can't prove that!

As you probably know already, this weekend we celebrate July 4th, or as it's known in Mexico, Cinco de Mayo.

Many of you may take this oppurtunity to enjoy your weiner.

I know I will!

But the real reason we celebrate the 4th of July isn't for the food, or the fun, or even the picnics with the nonstop binge drinking.

What?

There's only one true reason we celebrate the 4th of July: to have a lot of explosions.

Yay! It's fireworks day!

Kick-ass! I've still got 3 fingers left from last year!

(holding grenade) Hello, Donut. Check out this awesome sparkler! It is even more fun because we are playing with it inside!

Hey, that's not a sparkler, that's a grenade!

Don't worry. We are completely safe. All of the doors are locked from the outside, so we cannot escape- oh, wait a minute (explodes)

(grilling) Hey there, Caboose. How do you like your meat? Well done, or pink and juicy!

Yes, I will take that fuzzy glowing hamburger, please.

Hey! That's not a hamburger, that's a grenade!

I know! I switched them when you weren't looking!...Maybe I should not have done that... (explodes)

Hey Caboose, have you seen my grenade?

Yes! I put it in my pants! Wait- (explodes)

For this last bit, the part of the bottle rocket will be played by Sheila. Enjoy.

Hey Donut, want to see my awesome bottle rocket?

Totally! Just remember, don't point it directly at me! Okay?

Okay, and I promise I won't forget whatever it is that you just said.

I forgoooot!

Okay, aaaand end scene. Well, I hope you've all learned a lot about fireworks, and maybe even a little bit about yourselves. (hissing of grenade)

Oopsie.

Uh-oh.

Running time!

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention the most important safety tip. If you have small children around, or even very very stupid adults, never ever let them play with fireworks without proper supervision.... Hey, what's that hissing noise?

CABOOSE!!!

Simmons did it!

What are you talking about? I wasn't even in this video!

Happy fireworks day everybody!