A character in Red vs Blue
Whoa, looks like the blue one just got killed by their own tank.
A blue got killed by their own tank. Man, I just had the weirdest sense of deja vu.
Hey, speaking of getting tanked, we should check if the blues have any beer around here!
Hiyoh!
Whoa, looks like the blue one just got sniped.
Hey, speaking of getting sniped, we should check if the blues have any... beer around here...?
What the fuck is that suppose to mean?
I don't know. It sounded a lot funnier in my head before I said it...
Man, I just had the weirdest sense of deja vu.
I'm coming to help! Don't start without me!
Caboose, get the fuck out of here!!!
OK bye, I don't want to help anymore.
Whoa, looks like the white guy just got stabbed.
Hey, speaking of getting stabbed... why does my head really hurt, all of a sudden? For some reason, I want a beer...
Hey, Caboose!
Caboooooooooose!
Come out so I can shoot you, ya fuckstick!
Where did Caboose go?
I don't see 'im.
Come out, Caboose, all we wanna do is shoot you!
(hiding behind a tree) Don't listen to them, it's a trick!
What are the Blues doing on the radio?
Who knows? Hey Blues shut the fuck up! Get off our radios and quit ruining our batteries down!
(O'Malley infects Simmons)
Do it now or I will kill every last one of you! And everyone here as well, just to make a point! HAHAHAHA!
Whoa Simmons, don't you think that was a little over the top?
Suck it, you fool!
What's wrong with your voice?
Nothing! Why does something have to be wrong with MY voice? Maybe something's wrong with YOUR voice! Ever think about that, COCKSUCKER?
Um, you do know that's Sarge you're talking to, right?
(in normal voice) I mean, cocksucker, SIR! (giggles madly)
Donut, initiate Emergency Plan Traitor Simmons Number 11!
On it, sir! (shoots Grif)
Owhowowow!!
Donut! I said Plan 11!
Where am I going to get a steamroller?
(Church has entered Caboose's mind, where everyone is shown as how Caboose sees them)
Freeze, blue!
Simmons?
Hey everyone, I caught an intruder! I'm the greatest! I mean I'm the greatest one that isn't Caboose!
(Raspy version of his voice) Great job, Simons!
Thanks orangest guy...Who's name I really don't remember!
(Pirate accent) Argh, lets be makin' him walk the plank.
(As a full fledged woman) Let's all go shopping to celebrate!
Oh right...
Donut. Relax. You've been infected by a computer virus and we just need to figure out what to do about it.
(Possessed by O'Malley) HAHAHAHA! NO, it's my body! It's my choice! And another thing, why do I do as much work as you guys but only get 92 percent of-
(Donut is knocked out by Tex)
Hey don't hit my soldiers without my permission...(O'Malley infects Sarge) I'm the one who gets to hit my soldiers. MWAHAHAHA! YEAH, eat lead world, drop and give me infinity!
Sarge I think you've finally gone crazy.
(Tex knocks out Sarge, forcing O'Malley to infect Grif)
Whoa that's weird. I have a sudden urge to conquer the universe. Which is unlike me, considering I'd have to do actual work. I think I'll just fall asleep instead.
We're here, is anyone hurt...
(Grif falls asleep, forcing O'Malley to infect Doc)
...Or need to be killed? HAHAHA!
I know that laugh. Nobody move!
(O'Malley infects Church)
You know I...I really don't feel all that different. Meh, meh heh, heh, meh, meh, no. Feels pretty much the same. That's kinda weird huh? Expected more...
(Tex knocks out Church)
Where'd he go, where'd he go? Is he gone...Tex?
Church run!
Tex DON'T!
(O'Malley infects Tex)
You have no idea how much trouble you are in
Hey, Simmons...
Yeah?
Just one thing. Shotgun!
Fuck!
(Church and Tucker had just killed Sarge) Okay, hey. We killed one of your guys, and you killed one of ours. That makes us even.
Actually, we killed Tex and Junior, and they killed Sarge. So technically, that means we killed two people and they only killed one. (Church kills him with the sniper rifle) Son of a bitch!
Okay! Now we're even! Seriously! (Blues point guns at Grif and Donut; Grif lobs a grenade, everyone scatters, Donut gets in the ghost) Every man for himself!
Caboose! Get in that tank and give us cover fire.
Okay!
And don't shoot me this time!
Okay (immediately shoots Church)
Son of a bitch!
Wait, what was that first part again?(Grif begins to destroy Caboose's tank) Abandon ship! Running, running, running! (tank blows up)
Don't worry Sister, I'll protect you.
Aha! Got you, blues!
Sarge, I thought you were dead!
I was dead, Doc revived me!
That's right! And if anyone else needs medical attention, I would be more than happy to hel- (Sarge kills him) Son of a bitch!
Oh, I'm sorry! Doc will be unable to assist anyone else. (Sister kills him) Ah, son of a bitch again. Medic!
Well Sister, this looks like it. I don't think we're gonna make it, the reds are on the attack, and now Doc is dead and can't help us.
(dying) Actually, I'm not dead! if you could just hand me my first-aid kit- (Tucker shoots him) Oh, son of a bitch!
And now that Doc is actually dead, I don't think we're gonna make it. I don't wanna die a virgin!
Ooh! Yeah!
Wouldn't you rather spend your last few moments as a lover and not as a fighter?
I never thought about that, Uh-huh.
I've always wanted to go out-
Hey, uh, no offense, are you gonna keep talking or are we gonna see some action!
Bow Chicka Bow- (Grif shoots him) Ow!
Stay away from my sister!
Son of a bitch!
Grif, I liked him! He was nice to me! (kills Grif)
Son of a bitch!
(Donut runs her over with his ghost) Son of a bitch! I can't believe you'd hit a girl!
Whatever, bitch! Reow! (Caboose is running away, picks up a rocket launcher) Now it's time to pound some Caboose! Woo-hoo! (drives toward him; Caboose blows him up with the rocket launcher) Son of a bitch!
I won! I am the greatest! I beat everyone! And now, no one is left but me! (ghost lands on him, kills him) Son of a bitch.
Be careful Sarge, that stalagmite almost hit me!
Actually Grif, that was a stalactite. You see stalagmite's grow up from the ground.
I don't care, Donut. The point is that I almost got crushed by huge fucking-(A stalagsomething crushes and kills Grif)...Ow,
Yeah: you guys suck!
Ready, aim...
Killed by our own men, couldn't see this coming.
Yeah, what?
What in hell are you two doing?
We're being executed by our own men, sir.
Well cut it out, I need you guys to come with me. Command has a secret mission for us.
Who the hell is this guy?
Ahh, what is this? Insubordination? Hi-yah! [Smashes the soldier in the face] Come on you two, let's get a move on. Where's your commanding officer?
He's right there. [Motions toward Grif]
Where? Behind Grif?
Sergeant Grif is our CO, sir.
Your Sergeant has the same name as Grif? That's a disturbing coincidence.
No no, listen to me. Grif is our commander, he was promoted to Sergeant when you refused to relocate with us.
But who's in charge?
Sergeant Grif!
Okay, see, I hear you saying words, but it's like they don't match up in a way that makes sense... Did you have a stroke?
Grif is a Sergeant! He's the same rank as you now!
That's what I'm talking about, where is he?
He's right there! [Motions toward Grif again]
...So, he's invisible?
Dude, I don't think he's physically capable of understanding what you're telling him.
[The Red soldier gets back up]
Does this mean we get a new Sergeant now? Awesome, cause this one sucks!
[Sarge smashes the soldier in the back of the head]
Yah! Never talk that way about a superior!
Did Sarge just call me superior? I heard it! Simmons is a witness.
I don't even want to get involved...
What the hell's goin on in this base?! Insubordination! Invisible Sergeants!
Mwhahaha!! Blarg blarg honk, haha!
Mwhaha! Blarg honk, you say? hmm haha fools.
Blargity blarg... Ya honkbag.
Honk honk blarg blarg. Honkhonkblargblarg. Honk-honky blarg?
Blarg. And also, honk. Are these really my lines? This is ridiculous! Who wrote this?!
Line...
Enough blargin, when do I get to beat up Grif? He's got a honking coming to him!
Whats the motivation here? Is there like, a boss alien whose ass I should be kissing? Honk honk blarg, sir!
Hey Simmons. Is it just me, or do you have your head halfway up Sarge's blonk?
Hey, guys! Honk honk blarg blarg. Honk blarg blarg, blarg honk!
This is stupid. This character has less lines than I do.
Blargever, dude.
What am I talking about?
I'm an alien.
Well, what do the alien chicks look like?
I AM AN ALIEN!
Do they like to honk?
(not pausing) I'm an alien, I'm an alien, I'm an alien, I'm an alien.
Honk honk, blarg blarg, goddammit, honk.
[As a Wraith tank] Honk honk. Firing main blarg
[Fires sniper rifle] See? I'm telling you, there is something wrong with this honking thing. It doesn't work as an alien or as a person.
(after a long pause) ...El honk.
Hey reds, you honk! Blue blargs!
Who wants to see my honk honk? Go on, give it a blarg!
Shut the blarg up!!!
When you kill your enemy, you wanna look straight in his eyes so he knows that you're the one who beat him to death! It also gives you a chance to deal out some really zippy one-liners. Like, "I hope you brought your wallet, 'cause the rent in Hell gets paid in advance!"
(sighs) Oh, my god...
Or my personal favorite, "You just got Sarged!"
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Red vs Blue pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
Red vs Blue · 504 quotes