[After Dave, Higher Cat, and Rimmer have all passed by a junction of two corridors Higher Kryten stops and yells down it]
HKHigh Kryten
Welcome, brothers, we bring food and medical supplies.
[High Kryten is shot once in the left shoulder by an unseen person. Lister pulls him away from the junction.]
HKHigh Kryten
Poor devil, his gun must have gone off accidentally.
[High Kryten steps back out into the junction.]
HKHigh Kryten
Welcome, my children, we bring you balms and tinctures.
[High Kryten is shot two more times, once in the left shoulder, and once in the abdomen.]
HKHigh Kryten
We would be pleased to sing you healing hymns!
[High Kryten is shot two more times and falls. Lister steps out into the junction.]
RimmerWe can only hope.
Rimmer
This venom -- are we safe in here?
It penetrated the hull of a class D space corps seeding ship. In comparison, we're a sardine tin.
Rimmer
It's coming straight for us.
There's only three alternatives: it thinks we're either a threat, food or a mate.... It's either gonna kill us, eat us or hump us. Either we persuade him we're not that kinda oceanic salvage vessel, or we scarper pronto.
To get diddled by a giant squid on a first date? Think how I'd feel in the morning!
Rimmer
I know that, emotionally speaking, this isn't the news you want to hear right now. But there's a blob on the sonar scope the size of New Mexico and it's heading your way.
I think our friend the Suicide Squid is about to put in an appearance.
Rimmer
Directly above you. Two thousand fathoms and diving.
Oh, thanks a lot, Rimmer. You know the state we're in and you have to go and give us news like that. You couldn't have lied?
Rimmer
I was lying. It's only one thousand fathoms.
Rimmer
Kryten, open the next one.
Listen, whoever you are, don't push your luck by ordering whoever I am around, because almost certainly, whoever I am, I'm not the kind of guy who's gonna take any crap from whoever you are. So before you start ordering me around, let's establish if I'm the kind of guy who doesn't mind being ordered around or if I'm the kind of guy who gets all uptight about being ordered around by whatever the kind of guy you are.
Rimmer
All I said was open the next one.
Rimmer
There, on the floor... P-S-I-R-E-N-S... "Psirens?"
The poor sucker must have written it using a combination of his own blood, and even his own intestines.
Rimmer
But who would do that?
Someone who BADLY needed a pen.
What I wanna know is why he went to the trouble of using his own kidney as a full-stop.
Rimmer
I don't think he meant to do that. I think it just... plopped out.
[Starbug is threatened by a giant rogue asteroid that could be a mere illusion.]
Suggest we maintain course. That asteroid does not exist.
Rimmer
Suppose you're wrong?
Sir, I'll stake my reputation on it.
Rimmer
Kryten, you haven't got a reputation.
No, sir, but I'm hoping to acquire one from this escapade.
[First lines of the episode; Rimmer is trying to get the sleeping Lister and Cat to take part in an emergency drill]
Rimmer
SCRAMBLE! SCRAMBLE!
[sleepily] Yeah, that'll be great with bacon and beans, man.
Rimmer
Damage report?
It's bad, bud. Looks like Starbug's been hit!
Rimmer
Details, halibut breath!
Well, according to the damage report machine, there's several small fires, lots of smoke and the navicom's fizzing.
[Explosion from in front of Cat]
Oh, damn! Now the damage report machine's exploded!
Red Dwarf · 473 quotes
