Kochanski quotes from Red Dwarf

Kochanski

How did I end up like this, on a ship where the fourth most popular pastime is going down to the laundry room and watching my knickers spin dry?

Kochanski

One more time.. And you get this, d'you hear? Don't think I don't mean it. One more time, just one more..

Kochanski

What did I tell you, I told you.. Didn't I tell you? How many times have I told you? Right... What was the last one? Nureek, so the next one will be a Rutut, then the one after that will be a Hununger.. Four Seconds, Three Seconds Two Seconds...

Kochanski

Now Hununger.

Kochanski

No that's wrong? You've gone out of sequence! Nureek, Rutut, Hununger! What wrong with you!

Kochanski

If you're gonna keep me up all night, just do it right okay!

Kochanski

Squeelookle? Where did squeelookle come from? He's New!

Kochanski

What?!

Kochanski

Looking for someone to kill, care to volunteer?

Kochanski

Have you ever listened to those clapped out old pipes? Nureeking, then Rututting and just when you're expecting them to nureek again, they squeelookle! It's enough to make a perfectly sane person crazy!!

Kochanski

Let's at least ask someone who's at least going to give us a slightly more intelligent opinion. Hello, wall! What do you think?

Kochanski

Rimmer?

Rimmer

Yes, ma'am?

Kochanski

Have sex with someone, and that's an order.

Rimmer

Yes, ma'am. Right away, ma'am.

Lister

[Hands him a card] Here, phone this number. Say I sent ya. Tell her it's an emergency.

Kryten

You're not good enough for him. That's all. OK, he may walk around smelling like a Balti House laundry basket, but he doesn't need the likes of you swapping dimensions like there's no tomorrow and bewitching him with your... in and out bits. Pointy and unnecessary.

Kochanski

You've got big problems, you know that?

Kochanski

Do you think I like living in this big skip with thrusters? Do you think I even enjoy breathing in on this ship?! And to top it all off, I am faced with a neurotic droid who is completely obsessed with my pants drawer!

Kryten

You mean I'm not alone? Oh, I see. You mean me.

Lister

It's nice, Kryts, really nice.

Kochanski

It's really great!

Lister

In fact it's better than nice, it's fantastic!

Kochanski

Isn't it great!

Lister

It's really great!

Kochanski

It's really really great!

Cat

Are we eating the same stuff?

Kryten

I don't know why I make the effort? No one appreciates the hours I put into food prep. My fingers are practically worn down to the exoskeleton!

Lister

Is there any Ketchup?

Kryten

Any what?!

Lister

Ketchup, I thought it could do with a bit of ketchup, just a dollop...

Lister

Ketchup?!

Kochanski

Oh my god..

Kryten

You want Ketchup?!

Lister

Emmm... Brown not tomato, Brown. It's not like I've got no class?

Kryten

With Lobster? You want brown ketchup?!

Lister

It's really nice Kryts, but you know me. I just thought it could do with a bit of a pep up...

Kryten

I can't believe it... I simply cannot B...! (His head explodes)

Cat

Oh well done bud! Now we'll have to do the washing up.

Kochanski

He's literally blown his top. Cat, can you go and get a spare head?

Cat

How come I have to do everything around here? I can't get a second to myself. Cat do this, Cat do that. What am I, a dog?!