Erin quotes from Red Dwarf

Erin

Ha-ha! I lived in the land of Albion for ten full cycles of the moon, but I fled after my family were dragged screaming from my home to a mighty wicker tower, where they were sacrificed to the three gods: Toutatis, Esus and Taranis. First they were garrotted to death, then they were burnt to death, then they were drowned to death. Three deaths to appease the three gods. Then the druids drank their blood and ate their meat and said the harvest would be bountiful.

Lister

Right. Have you got any lemons?

Lister

We've walked 4,000 miles.

Erin

How many do you want?

Rimmer

Eight.

Erin

Eight?! You walked across half the known world for eight lemons?

Rimmer

You're right, that's absolutely insane. Make it ten.

Jesus

I'm looking for my uncle. Hast thou seen him?

Erin

No.

Jesus

If thou seest him, tell him that I will be in the tavern, drinking wine in great plenty until my legs do the dance of a newly-born camel! And then my mind will turn to dark, vile thoughts and I'll start coveting my neighbour's oxen!!

Erin

That's breaking the Tenth Commandment, that is.

Jesus

[giggles] And if there's time, I might even covet his donkey! And when I've finished coveting things, I might make a small statue out of wood and- and- and idolise it a bit!

Erin

You've got to watch yourself. God is a jealous God. You do that and he won't just get you, you know. According to the Second Commandment, he'll wipe out all your descendants.

Jesus

Isn't that breaking the Sixth Commandment? 'Thou shalt not kill?'

Erin

It's not killing, it's genocide. I think that's okay.